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dreamycafelover
2,875 M Hopeful Heart 6
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts33 Forum posts42 Forum upvotes37 Current upvotes37 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2016 Member sinceMay 28, 2016
Bio
In the process of recovery from my eating disorder and depression, I'll get there soon. I'm into reading, dancing, korean drama, anime, and manga. Hope I could relate to y'all.
Recent forum posts
My Avoidant Behavior
Anxiety Support / by dreamycafelover
Last post
 December 22nd, 2016
...See more I'm in desperate need of help with my avoidant behavior. I've think I've developed this recently during and still post my eating disorder habit. I'm recovering right now (I don't binge as bad as before and practicing intuitive eating). However, I've fueled another bad habit: avoiding all my friends entirely. I'm so afraid thay they will be the reason to ruin my recovery. These are my habits and observations: 1. I deactivated ALL my social media accounts (facebook, twitter, etc.)ORIGINAL GOAL: to hide from them, so they never see a single photo of mine (gaining more than 20 lbs in a span of 3 months, being laughed at, criticizing me for being so fat) NOW: I've lost weight but I still fear that comments from them would ruin my recovery. That I haven't lost enough despite all my effort. Because after all, my recovery is dealing with my habit not actually losing weight so i get to lose all my weight from bingeing. 2. I AVOID being seen by friends at our neighborhood. I walk fast enough so they never get to talk to me. I don't want to talk to them face to face. I don' want to say hi. I always plug in my earphones (without music) so I pretend I didn't hear them when they call me. My heart beats fast just thinking about bumping with someone I know. 3. I don't want to talk about my old friends with the people I'm close to right now. When somebody brings up the life of my old friend I suddenly get irritated because I don't want to know. Can somebody help? :(
Social Media Suicide
Depression Support / by dreamycafelover
Last post
 June 11th, 2016
...See more I just commited INTERNET suicide. I already decided to dectivate all my accounts (facebook, twitter, instagram) you name it. Just to stay away from my friends, so they're completely out of my sight, out my mind. I will also move in a new place this week. I wish I could truly start anew.
Fear of judgement and guilt of isolation
Depression Support / by dreamycafelover
Last post
 June 8th, 2016
...See more I've been avoiding any form of contact with my old friends and family members (except my parents) because I have an intense fear of how they're going to react when they see me. Deactivated my account and blocked all calls from them.. I can imagine the disgusted look in their faces. I fear those repeated hurtful words. Like those words are already latched on me,kept on repeating over and over again. It affected how much I see myself now. I can't move on from it. I can't accept what has become of me today. Is it a right thing to do to isolate myself until I can recover. I feel like a coward because I can't face them. But I know what's more important to me is to recover. I didn't even have close friends to begin with. Can I just continue my relationship with new people who would not judge me harshly. Those who accepted me for what I am now. Do I need to reconnect with old friends if it is critical to my recovery. I know deep inside me that my sacrifice in giving up previous relationships will be worth it. If they are truly my friends, they'll understand why I did that someday.
Existential anxiety
Anxiety Support / by dreamycafelover
Last post
 May 29th, 2016
...See more I feel so angry at myself because I don't know why I even exist. I don't know what I love to do. I don' know what I want to do. Graduated college landed on a job and all. But I still feel incomplete.. it's so hard for me to be happy at anything..What am I even living for?
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