Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

Woke up today and feels useless... None of my lists done yesterday, i even scares to touch them. Then i walk around and affirming myself, nothing to be scared for. I currently doing things on my to do list now.

frustrated because i should be better than this. numb; i cant work up the motivation to do anything. disappointed in myself for disappointing others

I feel everything guilt, sadness, anger, hurt, worthless, self hatred, numb, lonely, pointless and the list goes on ...,,

I don't want to cry, if I start crying then I'm back in this pit where I can't see past the pain, I gotten out of it before but things are different now, my future is not looking so good at all, I don't know why I'm even trying now

I just feel empty. I'm already not doing anything with my life and get lectured every few days about finding a job or getting back in school.. I can be so angry at something, but can't get mad or sad and even more depressed but can't even shed a tear.

Today was bad. I could not stop thinking about the life I left behind. I used to have friends and I used to have fun and be happy. I have changed so much. Everyone has moved on without me and I really felt alone today. I miss being a young child so much that I cry when I recall memories from my childhood. I feel alone because my family only attacks me and I don't love anyone I know. It's hard because I know they could never understand.

Awful. The past week has been seriously difficult. I feel as though I am drowning but have no one I feel I can reach out to. One thing after another has just left me feeling pummeled lately, with a good deal of self loathing and feeling like I am utterly worthless.

Physically I feel terrible. Haven't slept in three days. Running on adrenaline I guess. Horrible migraine has kept me down and doesn't exactly help the depression.

I've decided to get help today so Yah step one

Useless as usual