Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

I don't know how are you feeling now, @discreetAcres6234, but this post is wonderful, beaming with light and happiness and hope, that I want to hanging over my bed. It's so beautiful ^^;

*sheds a little tear of joy*

@Celaeno thank you :) I couldn't believe how full of light I was in this moment. I keep expecting the feeling to go away but it hasn't yet. It has faded slightly but I'm still feeling positive about myself and it's pretty good to feel that way

I guess I should be glad I got a sense of what "good" felt like. Because I've never felt it in the past and will never feel it again.

I don't have the strength for change. I just have the strength for going on. Never rising, never falling. And I'm just stuck watching everyone else progress. Watching everyone else form their connections. Here I am, stuck with the truth of my own neediness, figuring it's only a matter of time before the very rare, exceedingly few connections will be severed from me, forgetting me, realizing that I'm boring and have nothing to offer. Then I can say I'm not wanted again. As it is now, I still can't even pretend that one person should, and nothing's going to change with my life.

God, I'm such a hack too.

Let me bury this here.

My best and lovely @poisontongue, I think we all feel that way. I think "the neediness" you're reffering to is the universal need for every human on this planet. We all want to be noticed, we all want to form connections, we all want to show other the vast galaxies we are hiding in our minds. People go and stay, but you also go and stay from the perspective of other's, so that's life for us.

And progress is a very relative value. You cannot make your virtue out of it, because life is hard and cruel and sometimes it seems the air is filled with sufferings. And you have to take 5 steps back in order to survive. But you survive.

You are moving on. You wake up, you breathe, you write a post. You endure and this is your meaning. Not giving in is living. And after that, there is a whole cosmos.

You are not needy. You have things to offer, because everyone does. You have depression and deeply critical inner voice who wants you to shut you down and be miserable. You need to educate how to tame this voice, because, in reality, you are a caring person who has an ambitious mind and just want to enjoy this life.

You grew so much for the past couple of months, because you created a connection with this community. With me. I think you are not the same person. And if you still want to measure yourself in progress, I think you are better, because you are brave writing and reaching out.

As always, all my love!

I slept in all day and I didn't leave the bed until after 12pm I wasn't sleeping I was just laying there looking out the window watching the wind blow the trees and my solar powered bobble head shake. I feel like my depression is guilt driven from my break up. I know I am wrong and I'm unhappy and sad all of the time because I don't know how to cope with the guilt.

@calmEast4981 I am so sorry about the breakup. They are very hard on a person, and I can't even imagine how you must feel right now, so I won't try to relate. But they can bring feelings of guilt, as you said. Do you know why you feel guilty, if I may ask? I wish you the best, and remember, you just have more time to look for the right person <3

I didn't appreciate the things he did for me I am very self conscious so I always need a lot of verification in a relationship because I feel like I'm not good enough. I never took his advice and I was very selfish about my decisions cause I only did things to beneifit me and my insecurities.

@calmEast4981 Doing things to make you feel better about yourself is never selfish, in my opinion. If you feel insecure, chances are, you hate that feeling, right? So you'd want it to go away, and you'd use methods to do that. You said you need a lot if verification in a relationship, that's fine! You just need someone who wants to help you out and give you that verification. I hope you'll be okay soon <3

My family doesn't care about my life so why should I? I can't please them. I'll never be what they want me to be

@BlackKitten13 I know it's very hard to be in your situation. It feels like there's nowhere to turn, no one to let you talk. But I'm glad you came here. If I may ask, are you feeling suicidal or anything else like that? Your post implied that, and I am a bit worried...

If you need to, please call a suicide hotline. If you can't, then there are online chat-lines like crisischat.org and imalive.org. I promise, it gets better, no matter how long that takes. I hope you can get better <3 Best of luck and take care

Sometimes I feel the same way. Im only staying woth mopu mom so she would pay for college

I feel frustrated with myself.

I just want to be able to talk to people without having to stumble over my words, or think really hard about what I'm going to say to hold a conversation. So many thoughts clouding my mind all at once, I always say the wrong thing.

I want to be involved in the lives of those I care about, without getting paranoid that they only tolerate my presence because they're my family, or because I'm dating their friend.

I want to be able to go out and not worry about what I look like, I want to be confident.

I want to stop lying compulsively to people in a pathetic and naive attempt to get them to like me, to fool them into thinking I'm interesting.

I want to stop segregating myself from people, I want to make an honest effort, why can't I? It's so easy to pick up a phone and get in contact, it's so easy to just tell the truth. So why do I make it so hard for myself?

I don't feel like I belong anywhere, I don't even know if I care all that much. I guess I must do if I'm here.... I know it's all in my head, I'm just being stupid. I know that the only problem is me, and I know that I'm the only solution to my complaints, I just can't fix myself. I don't even know who I am.

So I guess what I'm feeling today, like most days, is lost.

I know how you feel. I was having the same thoughts then it was all ok but lately they are coming back. I don't know if it is any help but i read you post and just wanted you to know that you are not alone, i may not care much for the people i know but this easier for me to tell you this. Try, just try dont push yourself to have a good day hun!

It is good to know that I am not the only one feeling this way. I thank you for the strength you show in sharing this.

I feel scared and alone. I'm afraid the love of my life will forget about me while she is in a mental hospital and I can't visit her and one cares enough to listen anymore

@indigoCake3505 I am so sorry, that seems terribly hard to go through. Your worries are completely valid, it's fine <3 What makes you think that?

Exhausted, and numb

@EdmondDantes I feel the same way, and it's rough, isn't it? I know it's hard (and confusing!), but you're stronger than your depression <3. Kick your depression in the face because it's way too bad for you. You can do it, I know it! If that seems to daunting, then try a self care day <3 Small steps are perfect

You're quite a wonderful person.

I feel absolutely exhausted and numb. I'm so tired of everything. I'm scared and feel so lonely.

@poohbear15, you deserve some rest, darling. Pretending to be tougher than our struggles and indifferent to them can be exhausting. But you don't have to always stand tall. You can lay down, you can rest, you can let go and listen to the beating of your own heart. You can doubt and be afraid. You can reach out to us and talk about the turmoil in your head. It's okay. You can be in pain, but you don't have to suffer.

Hugging you so much right now, wonderful!

I feel horrible and my anxiety is driving me crazy but my mom tells me to shake it off but she doesn't know how bad it's gotten

@calmCup1214, sorry to hear your mom cannot fully comprehend your anxiety. This is a very hard thing to do for a neurotypical person to imagine to be constantly overwhelmed and worried and sad and hurt and anxious.

I understand that you tried already to talk to her, am I correct, lovely? So have you consider writing her a letter? I find that writing down my feelings and thoughts makes it so much easier for me, because I don't have to confront anybody. And it gives time for other person to process everything and to try to understand my point.

Sending you all of my strength!

Well hi... My name is Lucy and I dont't really know what to do I'm like stuck. I just don't feel a thing! I feel like I'm done with life. I was super talkative and I'm all quite now. And I've changed for bad a lot, like being less happy I don't know why but at the same time I'm not unhappy I don't know I just don't feel....

@LostIt1809, depression really changes person. But that's okay. You can find your broken pieces and mend yourself. And re-invent yourself all together and find new truths for your life. Life is all about changing and learning and outgrowing old skins, so use this opportunity to start fresh and let go of dead things, like trees do in Autumn.

Sending you all of my strength and hope, fellow warrior! I believe in you, lovely.

I feel lonely. Like nothing I do matters in the end.

@energeticSpring4866, you feel lonely and discouraged, and yet you have reached out to us. That was brave of you, lovely. I'm proud of you.

*hugs*

Maybe nothing really matters, but in the end I think you and I matter, and also things which we decided to put our time and energy into. We have scarce supply of both of them, so it's pretty important what we want to focus on. You are here, in this community who values kindness and compassion, and I think it is worth your time in this universe. Looking for connections is admirable.

I hope you feel a bit better today. Lots of love!

I'm scared about what life I'll allow myself to choose and just about the future in general I guess.

@AwkwardAce1563, I can relate to that overwhelming feeling when thinking about the looming future. I often stressed about it and worry that it will be painful or inadaquete or wrong, but then again, I can only shape my future by small acts taking in the present moment. So in the end there is no point of stressing about what will come, when what really matters is now ^^;

I don't know if it makes any sense to you, lovely. Still I hope you will have a kind and nice "now" to relieve you from anxiety. Sending hugs!

Thank you, that really helps ^^

@AwkwardAce1563, glad to know that ^^ Wishing you a wonderful day!

Hi....

I feel like there is no one who really care about me... I feel when we show care n affection to people, they atleast value that rather they treat us like a shit... I dont have reason to run my life.., I try to indulge myself in many activities to make myself busy..but I end up not completing it....I was very happy person, but now I lost me.. I dont like me..

@forcefulCup5806, depression can really change you. But you don't have to give it a power to define you. You are more than your struggle, lovely. You are the universe of hopes and dreams and love, and you can create yourself once again. Let go of things that don't satisfy you anymore and form new traits and habits. You can be as wild as wind, as deep as oceans, as beautiful as the sunrise.

I don't say that it is easy or painless, but that you can choose this disorder to be a moment of recreating yourself. I'm sending you all of my strength and hope, because I want you to know that this dread will not last. Everything will pass and you will be light as feather once again.

Best wishes!

Today I feel like shit. My depression and anxiety have just been spiraling out of control lately, and today I felt like I was losing it. My heartbeat has been so intense and palpable today and my insides just feel like their vibrating. I hate it. I almost broke down and went to urgent care, but I don't have medical insurance and don't need the added stress of financial burden. I just feel so lost. So so lost and alone. There's like this dam inside of me that keeps welling up and threatening to burst. I've been sitting here with calming tea, black tourmaline, burning sage, doing deep breathing but this feeling just won't pass. It's like I'm on this horrible roller coaster ride that I can't get off. Argh!

@OceanLily82, sorry that you had to experience such a nasty rollercoaster of emotions. I'm sorry you feel agitated and stressed and lost at the same time. It must be difficult for you.

Still, you are trying to cope with your jerk!brain, drinking tea and writing this post. I cannot help but be proud of you, lovely. You're doing as best as you can and it's enough to survive.

I hope today you feel a bit better. You deserve it.

Lots of love!

I feel angry, stressed, and vulnerable

It's bad enough that my life is an awful mess. Now, my dreams are torturing the hell out of me.

Wonderful @LovePom, I'm sorry that your brain doesn't let you escape even during the dreams. It can be really exhausting and frustrating to have recurring nightmares of any kind and intensity. It must be really challenging for you.

I hope today the night will be more gentle with you and let you dream peacefully. You deserve all of the visions of hope and sweetness. Let me know how did you sleep today, lovely.

Lots of love!

Triggered. Life is so delicate, it can be taken away from you in seconds. I'm so scared. I'm really freaking scared. I don't think I actually want to die, I just don't know how to live. I want to get better but I'm tired of trying and getting nothing in return. I know I have a really long road ahead of me and I'm going to keep holding on. I would never act on my thoughts but they still sadden me. Why am I so messed up? Why do I hate myself so much? Why am I always depressed and anxious? Why aren't I getting better?

@RaspberryKitten, wonderful, it seems like you have something heavy on your mind. Would you like to talk about it more? Here, in forums? Or maybe you would like to try 1-on-1 chat with a listener? I find this also quite helpful.

That's okay, lovely, to feel lost and confused and tired - we also don't have any answers, but it doesn't mean we should to give in. Living is hard and seems hopeless, but this disorder skews our perception. And there was a time in our life that we could actually enjoy something. So it means there is a high chance this darkness will also go away. It is a long road ahead, but you are not alone in this journey. We are here with you. You have our support. You can lean on and rest for a while and our strong arms won't let you go.

All my love, fellow warrior!

I feel frustrated, ashamed,like a shit.....

I just feel really soo bad, heart broken...

Hw can i do this to me..but am just coward..am not able to right decision...I feel really worthless...