Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
It's hard emotionally and mentally to hear such bad news...it hurts deep inside. Feels like my heart is being sat on. Things around me are becoming dark, I feel so much pain I can't understand why this hurts so much. I hate it...it hurts!!! I can't stand it anymore...Could someone pls make it go away. I can't deal with things!! I wanna just disappear!!!!
I hate myself. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I'm always anxious and I can't smile and I just want to crawl in a hole and sleep. And when I wake up, I want it all to be better.
I feel exactly like you.
@TheDepressedVirgin I'm sorry you feel this way.. It really sucks. I'm in a partial hospitalization and I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm worried that when I'm discharged I'll still be held back by my depression and anxiety. I'm worried that the medication won't do what I want it to do :( *hugs*
Thanks. :) *hugs*
I've been admitted twice myself. I am still struggling, exactly like you are worrying yourself.
But I believe it will be better for you. If you decide you want to get better and work on it, even a second at a time, you will get there. I promise. Remember who you really are without this disease. It is exactly like a disease or illness which can be cured, or at least be managed to such a point that you can become stable and flourishing again with your sparkly personality.
Do you have support? Family maybe. Having support makes a world of difference.
@TheDepressedVirgin I'm trying to get better, I really am. But I feel like all my efforts are for nothing. I don't remember who I was before my depression. I don't remember what happiness feels like.
I would like to actually be able to get out of bed and have the energy and motivation to do what I want. I'd like to be able to do things without my anxiety holding me back. I'd like to have an easy time falling asleep. I want to know what it feels like to love yourself and enjoy life. I want to have fun and be the person I've always wanted to be.
I feel so broken. If I'm not anxious or sad, I'm numb and I feel unreal.
It's great that you are trying to get better at least. You're one step ahead of me.
You have no idea how accurately you are describing me with how you are describing yourself. It's like we are the same person.
My medication has changed so much and each time it feels like nothing changes at all. As if I might as well not be taking them. That much of a non-effect. It's frustrating. Something has to help, right? There has to be something which will lift us out of the dark and into the light to actually have the will and power to be able to start to get better.
I as well have no idea who I am or who I am supposed to be or who I was before all of this. I can't even remember a time where I was not like this. This is me as far as I'm concerned. It's all I know and have known for my entire life. If I don't feel like this, I don't know who I am. To just feel nothing and emptiness.
My daily struggles are the same as yours as well. Why bother getting out of bed? What's the point, right? There's no reason for me to get out of bed if I don't want or can bring myself to do anything. Even something I think I might enjoy. It's easier just staying here in my little comfort zone.
Or I just sit in my bottomless pit with no way out. Not even bothering. Why? What reason is there? What awaits me when I'm out of the pit?
I also have trouble sleeping, or getting to sleep. Sometimes I can't at all. I've gone days without any sleep. There is medication for it, but I don't like the side effects.
So, at least you know you are not alone and that someone is going through almost exactly as you do.
That's the great thing about this place. We get to open up and talk about it with people in similar situations.
If only there was a better way than this to communicate.
@TheDepressedVirgin
It's crazy how much we can relate!
Part of me wants to die but the rest of me knows that there's hope and I need to keep pushing. Part of me wants to just sleep for a really long time but there's no time for that. The world is moving so fast and I seem to be stuck.
I have slacked so much and sometimes I find myself thinking whats the point if Ive already screwed myself up? But I know I can fix things... and I know I need help. I stopped getting excited about things because they never worked out the way I wanted them to. Now I feel like I cant get excited. I feel so numb and broken. I feel tired.
The only reason I keep going is because I know that, one day, it will be better and, somehow, I wont feel this way anymore. But when will this day come? What if it never comes?
I'm so sad… I'm so tired… I hate the intrusive thoughts, I hate the anxiety. I hate feeling like I can't go one anymore.
Its weird, sometimes I am so anxious and sad, and other times - I just feel numb and tired. Sometimes I have racing thoughts but other times my brain is a mess but its so empty.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't know.
I'm so happy we talked, I truly hope it gets better for you. I know how draining this can be.
I feel anxiouty ..it s very hard for me to work..
I feel like every day for the last week or so I've been feeling a little bit worse. Today I feel numb and empty. It's almost like a hopeless feeling.. And, I feel lots of loneliness. This really bad bout of depression I'm in was triggered by a break up and ever since then I just feel like there's no hope for me, really.
Today I feel good. Ever since I got a job, I've felt less and less depressed. I'm not sure if it's because I have more things to distract me, and I feel productive at work, but I enjoy it. I just got a second job today because I love working so much. I create high goals for myself so I always have something I'm working towards. Those things help me feel less in a depressive ditch, but it's definitely still there. There's days I don't want to go to class or get out of bed and it takes so much effort to fulfil simple, essential obligations... but i keep going and hoping it gets easier with each step I take. It's kind of really strange being a depressed optimist.
Today I am frustrated. I feel like I am working so hard just to be able to make it through until I can get back home and get help. But should life really be this hard? Should it really require so much effort just to make it through day to day? I'm just so tired.
Really, really lonely. Through the years I got used to being depressed, to having, at least once a year, a depressive episode which is usually accompanied by a damn psychosis, to sitting in my room and crying my brain out, and to the fact that it looks like I'm seeing everything through a dark glass, or if the day isn't that bad - through a grey glass. But this feeling of being isolated 24/7, that really hurts. For years I've not allowed people to get close to me, for a reason, which I can't seem to even remember. Also, I have no clue what I'm doing, even now. I don't know why am I writing this...... So pathetic, it's kinda funny. Like a black comedy or something.
@Qzar
its not pathetic.
i woke up today and it occurred to me that in the past I made somewhat of an effort to disguise my depression, you know by smiling and carrying on like all was ok. Today, I just realized I don't care about hiding it anymore. I don't care if strangers see me sad or whatever because screw them. I care about my family and for that I feel responsible for getting better.
People are strange and I too have created a wall. I'm lonely sometimes, but I'm aware that even in my more social times, I was always really alone.
try not to despair, other people are really not as important as you think, it's about you-it'll always be about you....people are just a distraction. I hope you feel some peace.
I feel like I'm running out of options. I can't afford professional help, my situation at home is a train wreck, my finances are a train wreck, and my health is deteriorating.I feel sick of being alive, and it's becoming inctesingly difficult to keep myself from running back to self destructive habits. It hurts.
The thought of antidepressants is really scaring me :(
finally went to my GP for a chat today and I wish I hadn't. For one, I felt i could barely talk about my feelings properly and they started asking me about alcoholism just because I mentioned I've had a lot of alcohol in the past few weeks - I'm a UNIVERSITY student! The GP I saw as well was really not compassionate. She was stoic and didn't seem to try and understand my feelings. Then she brought up antidepressants and has asked me to fill in a survey and given me an info leanflet. Now I don't want to go back as I don't want to admit to myself that I'm that bad I need meds :'( I just really need some comfort and hugs right now.
I'm not even sad right now so much as...numb, I guess, and I'm covering that up by being very upbeat and loud and fake-happy so people around me don't realize how shitty I feel. And my abuser is back in town so I feel unsafe in my dorm and that's stressing me out so I'm trying to just...ignore that and focus on school but it's really hard. And I need to feel loved but the last person who said they loved me without being prompted is dead so that's fucking me up.
I feel destroyed. I'm destroying everything. I hate myself and I'm so embarrassed for being a failure. I get up but always fall down and hit the ground.