Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
It's hard emotionally and mentally to hear such bad news...it hurts deep inside. Feels like my heart is being sat on. Things around me are becoming dark, I feel so much pain I can't understand why this hurts so much. I hate it...it hurts!!! I can't stand it anymore...Could someone pls make it go away. I can't deal with things!! I wanna just disappear!!!!
I hate myself. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I'm always anxious and I can't smile and I just want to crawl in a hole and sleep. And when I wake up, I want it all to be better.
I feel exactly like you.
@TheDepressedVirgin I'm sorry you feel this way.. It really sucks. I'm in a partial hospitalization and I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm worried that when I'm discharged I'll still be held back by my depression and anxiety. I'm worried that the medication won't do what I want it to do :( *hugs*
I feel anxiouty ..it s very hard for me to work..
I feel like every day for the last week or so I've been feeling a little bit worse. Today I feel numb and empty. It's almost like a hopeless feeling.. And, I feel lots of loneliness. This really bad bout of depression I'm in was triggered by a break up and ever since then I just feel like there's no hope for me, really.
Today I feel good. Ever since I got a job, I've felt less and less depressed. I'm not sure if it's because I have more things to distract me, and I feel productive at work, but I enjoy it. I just got a second job today because I love working so much. I create high goals for myself so I always have something I'm working towards. Those things help me feel less in a depressive ditch, but it's definitely still there. There's days I don't want to go to class or get out of bed and it takes so much effort to fulfil simple, essential obligations... but i keep going and hoping it gets easier with each step I take. It's kind of really strange being a depressed optimist.
Today I am frustrated. I feel like I am working so hard just to be able to make it through until I can get back home and get help. But should life really be this hard? Should it really require so much effort just to make it through day to day? I'm just so tired.
Really, really lonely. Through the years I got used to being depressed, to having, at least once a year, a depressive episode which is usually accompanied by a damn psychosis, to sitting in my room and crying my brain out, and to the fact that it looks like I'm seeing everything through a dark glass, or if the day isn't that bad - through a grey glass. But this feeling of being isolated 24/7, that really hurts. For years I've not allowed people to get close to me, for a reason, which I can't seem to even remember. Also, I have no clue what I'm doing, even now. I don't know why am I writing this...... So pathetic, it's kinda funny. Like a black comedy or something.
@Qzar
its not pathetic.
i woke up today and it occurred to me that in the past I made somewhat of an effort to disguise my depression, you know by smiling and carrying on like all was ok. Today, I just realized I don't care about hiding it anymore. I don't care if strangers see me sad or whatever because screw them. I care about my family and for that I feel responsible for getting better.
People are strange and I too have created a wall. I'm lonely sometimes, but I'm aware that even in my more social times, I was always really alone.
try not to despair, other people are really not as important as you think, it's about you-it'll always be about you....people are just a distraction. I hope you feel some peace.
I feel like I'm running out of options. I can't afford professional help, my situation at home is a train wreck, my finances are a train wreck, and my health is deteriorating.I feel sick of being alive, and it's becoming inctesingly difficult to keep myself from running back to self destructive habits. It hurts.
The thought of antidepressants is really scaring me :(
finally went to my GP for a chat today and I wish I hadn't. For one, I felt i could barely talk about my feelings properly and they started asking me about alcoholism just because I mentioned I've had a lot of alcohol in the past few weeks - I'm a UNIVERSITY student! The GP I saw as well was really not compassionate. She was stoic and didn't seem to try and understand my feelings. Then she brought up antidepressants and has asked me to fill in a survey and given me an info leanflet. Now I don't want to go back as I don't want to admit to myself that I'm that bad I need meds :'( I just really need some comfort and hugs right now.
I'm not even sad right now so much as...numb, I guess, and I'm covering that up by being very upbeat and loud and fake-happy so people around me don't realize how shitty I feel. And my abuser is back in town so I feel unsafe in my dorm and that's stressing me out so I'm trying to just...ignore that and focus on school but it's really hard. And I need to feel loved but the last person who said they loved me without being prompted is dead so that's fucking me up.
I feel destroyed. I'm destroying everything. I hate myself and I'm so embarrassed for being a failure. I get up but always fall down and hit the ground.
