Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
TW: self harm and abuse
Right now I feel like I've disassociated. Memories from the past months feel hazy and unreal and idk what I'm feeling. It's not fear, not grief and despair, not anger...
Just emptiness.
And I just wanna punch my arm until it turns swollen and purple, or just hurt myself really badly. The good thing is I haven't cut myself or otherwise intentionally self harmed myself in a week.
But its getting harder and harder to even try to resist.
I feel like I've been brainwashed by my ex. Now I'm just doubting myself and my own feelings, missing this person who only used me for sex and never cared about me.
They had nothing to lose, and now that they're gone I have to deal with everything, all the damage and hurt and pain. They're having fun on the other side of the world while I'm here throwing up at the memory of them touching me sexually when I didn't want them to.
I don't even know what I feel about anything anymore. Myself? I don't know I don't even feel like I exist. My ex? I don't know, it fluctuates between missing the old him and feeling this rage for him refusing to take accountability for his action.
I need help.
I'm down the rabbit hole. What is real?
I feel conflicted today. About a week in of consistently taking my medication again and today I forgot to taking until late afternoon. Went on a really good first date earlier and I think we really clicked. I'm excited about it but I'm also really scared because I have been building up walls for the past 3 years. My heart feels heavy because I don't know if he will see me differently after he learns about my struggle with depression, if we even get that far. I'm also surprised that it went so well as he is 11 years older than I am. Going to try to keep myself busy for the rest of the evening now. Hope all out there is having an okay day.
I feel alone.
I feel like I bother people.
Me and you both!
alone
scared
worthless
I feel alone even though physically, I'm not. Seriously, my husband is sitting at the other end of the sofa.
I feel desperate and hopeless.
I feel old (and I kind of am...).
Deeply deeply sad.
And I feel like no one understands me. No matter how I try to explain what depression and anxiety really are, my husband still seems to think I should be able to just snap out of it but I just can't. I didn't decide to feel this way so I can't just wave my hand and make it go away.
Trust me I know what you're going through its pretty rough I got through depression by myself and felt like I wasn't going to make it but remember ... Pain is temporary ! Trust me it will get better!!! Over the few months I went through depression I learned it's all in your head. You just gotta keep in mind that you will not feel this way for the rest of your life I know it may not seem that way right now but... You are a fighter and you will get through this darkness
Hi... Thank you for your supportive words. It helps me feel less alone.
You're telling my story. Alone while not actually by myself. It took 3 years for my husband to realize I can't "snap out of it"...that I'm not "indulging" in depression...that treatment for depression does not always work, kind of like treatment for cancer. Depression is real. Kindness doesn't cure depression, but at least it doesn't make it worse. I send you a kindred heart.
I feel sad. I feel like everything is my fault. I feel like a failure.
I'm frustrated because I've got a close friend telling me that it's not that hard to stop thinking bad thoughts and that it's easy to think happy thoughts, and that if I can't think happy thoughts then I'm doomed. He doesn't understand that it's not that simple. And it's making me feel worse because I hate feeling like I'm failing my friends.
Ugh I f--king hate when people say that! I didn't choose to be this way! Don't you think if it was that easy I would've done it by now! I'm not stupid. Geez . Yeah I definitely know how you feel
Scared. I feel like I've become someone that I don't recognize anymore, the things I do the things I say, they scare me to no end that I could be someone like me.
I feel like I need to stop thinking to move forward. You consume me and when your not here to calm me I get mentally overwhelmed. I need to just breathe
I feel angry, betrayed, hurt, and sad that the one I love and care deeply about doesn't feel the same. Angry that she would betray my feelings after being open and honest. Hurt that even after everything that's happen she doesn't care enough to talk about it. Sad that I had to take control and make a decision that was best for us, and that even then in that moment she couldn't be open and honest with me.
