Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
I don't want to be scared anymore. I'm tired of it. My memories are like demons, they never let me rest. I tired of being terrified.
I'm sad to heart that, @exuberantkaty.
I'm sorry there's no rest for you, it must be so exhausting and overwhelming. You are invincible to keep pushing through hardships, day after day. You are doing such a great job, despite the depth of despair that lurks near you. I'm so happy that you reached out.
Let me bring you soft pillows and a blanket. Let me give you a bright night sky to admire stars. Let me sing you a lullaby, so your anxiety would get sleepy and yawn cutely, like a puppy. It will just lay down quietly beside you, looking so innocent and vulnerable. It won't bother you, it will dream about life without fears and heartaches.
Anxiety can be really terrified by this universe, it will scream and kick and bite, feeling trapped. But you are stronger and wiser than you fluffy, panicky friend. You know that you can overcome anything, because you did overcome everything so far. You know how to breathe to feel connected to your world, how to self-care and reward every little daily achievements. You are strong, and even if you feel terrified, you are still reaching out, still fighting, still trying. I'm so proud of you, darling. You are doing a great job.
Did you try this little website? Or this one? Or this one? They will help you get calmer. Even if it's only for a little while, they could bring a relief, and now it's a gold treasure for your mind.
Sending you good, pleasant thoughts, my wonderful friend!
Thank you @Celaeno. I liked the stars, it made me feel calm. Ty.
@exuberantkatye, I also like stars ^^
Did you seen this great website? It's an experiment to capture the size of our galaxy. And you can travel through stars in here!
Take a good care, wonderful!
Like I have no motivation to do anything.
@Sarebobo9, it's okay. I don't have any motivation either. It's beyond my capacity to feel this way, I'm in too much despair. But you don't have to be motivated to keep going. It's enough to just survive. Don't have a "good, productive day" which may be beyond your reach for a little while, just focus on having a day. Just make it through the hours, until the night, and that's it. That's enough. Then you make it through the night, and that's also enough. Basic survival is already worth the praise. If you can take your showers, eat a little bit, remember to drink water and even spend few hours not in bed, it's a magnificent achievement!
You have depression, so it's natural you don't have motivation. This is its symptom. Just like you would broke your leg and wouldn't try to run, you can't expect from yourself to feel productive.But it doesn't meant that you stop trying to gain back your personality and create routine. It's just a different kind of battle.
Sending you lots of hugs, lovely!
Lonely, upset, heartbroken.
I had a breakdown in front of my parents today, despite spending all summer fighting to keep myself in line and in control. I hate the atmosphere at home, which is beyond my control, but it's sending me into a downward spiral of negative thoughts and I hate it. I feel like I can barely function and my parents today did absolutely nothing to help me.
They made it worse. I tried telling them how I feel but they threw it back in my face and told me to snap out of it and then going on a rant about how I think they're bd parents when they do everything for me. Physical care is fair enough,, they feed me, take me places etc. But mentally, they don't understand a thing and I'm beginning to fall to absolute pieces.
I'm sorry you feel lonely, @lavenderFarm4174. It must be really difficult for you, not getting support you are worth. I would love to hug you, lovely, because you really fight so hard, and I want you to know that I am proud of you. You're feeling so dreadful, but you keep up with all of your battles. You are a real warrior, even if the 'lone wolf' kind of type. You are doing great, despite all of hardships life creates. You are wonderful. I'm so glad that you've reached out.
However, I hope you receive some kind of treatment and support from others. Any connection and relationship, no matter in what form, is valid, and can make a difference in your well-being. Depression is an illness which makes you believe you are alone in your struggles. But if you see closely, we are never truly alone - for example, there's an entire community on 7 Cups for people who are suffering from the same pain! We are here for you, and we will listen. We care for you. I care.
Sending you all of my strength, so you can keep fighting. You are magnificent.
Love!
You are so wonderful @Celaeno ,, thank you so much for being you and helping make me and everyone in this thread positive! :)
Thank you, @lavenderFarm4174, you're so sweet! I'm just trying to feel everybody being heard and less lonely. I'd love if you could help me, wonderful ^^
I wish I didn't exist. I don't want to dress up and go to a con but my sister worked so hard on my cosplay I feel like I really have to. I wish I could turn off my brain.
Dear @TheSirenCalledLorelei, remember that the depression deceives us that we never feel happiness again and makes us be withdrawn. I hope you will find the strength and will to go to your con - it sounds like a lot of fun. Even if you won't enjoy it just like you would normally, I think it would be a great opportunity for your mind to shift focus. But regardless of your choice, it is nice to hear that you have a sister who cares for you, and who puts an effort to make you a costume. You are lovely and you deserve lovely people in your life.
*hugs*
Lots of love!
Abandoned, alone. Like no matter how loud I cry out, nobody cares to help me. I wish I was mute, that way at least people would have an excuse to not listen.
Lovely @creativeMelon1653, I'm so sad to hear that. Feeling such a despair and bitterness must make very difficult for you to keep going. And still, you are here, reaching out to be heard. You are so strong. Every day you're fighting and you're doing such a great job! I'm proud of you.
Darling, let me hug you and say I care. I am writing these words, because I don't want you to feel lonely and my heart is breaking thinking you may feel so hopeless, in a false belief you don't have any support. I'm also struggling and it's so hard, but we don't have to do it alone. I will hold your hand and walk with you through this darkness. You are amazing and worth all of the best universes. I will be here for you. I will listen to your worries. I will ease this pain. I care.
*hugs tightly*
A big hug to you dear! I just joined today and I don't know what to say to you but I can feel you! Stay strong because me along with alot of people care. Try to busy yourself with what you love sweets
Tired, hopeless, bitter, hurt.
Life feels futile today. Nothing makes sense. Everything hurts. Nothing is okay.
@Whataletdown, yes, days like this are awful. And they like to visit in a company of hoards of all negative emotions. Like it isn't enough you feel dreadful, you feel dreadful in an ever-lasting loop of self-doubt, numbness, anger and bitterness. And it's exhausting. And it is so painful to feel so hopeless, and depression strives when you believe that is your reality. That you're locked in a prison of your mind, which doesn't even have a keyhole for any key you would try to find.
This is a deception. The fight you keep insisting on, is worth all of the efforts, even if it doesn't feel like it. This feelings are valid, but they don't have any foundation in the reality - they are sly persuasions from your enemy to make you break down. You are strong and you matter.
My lovely, this day will end for you, sooner or later. I'm glad you've reached out. We can wait together for the passing of the time, side by side.
Lots of love!
Utterly exhausted
@EdmondDantes, so sorry to hear that. To help you a bit, I'm sending you a basket of good dreams, this wam blanket and some of the softest pillows I could find. I hope you will get the rest you deserve, and that tomorrow will be kinder for you.
*hugs*
Wish I could just choose not to be. No matter how long I am around, no one will ever care... there will be no one who can understand this, who I can turn to. My life is empty and devoid of meaning. Every day is another lesson in futile loneliness and boredom. It's all needless suffering. That's all my worthless life is, needless suffering. Alone.
You can choose not to be. It is scientifically proven that 40% of our happiness is choice and I think the other part is environment and genetics. The only thing is the "choosing" is not at all easy in your state. If it was that easy everyone could choose to be happy and everyone would. To get to a state where you can choose happiness takes a lot of practice. Why not start with just changing one or two thoughts today? A tip is when dark thoughts pop up, immediately turn your thoughts to something you are grateful for. Focus fully on what you are grateful for and relish it. Something as simple as you can access clean water anytime (I'm assuming). There are people who walk miles to get a bucket of clean water everyday. This is not to make you feel guilty or think others have it worse or anything like that. Your problem is a big problem in itself you don't need added guilt. But gratitude will shift focus and give your brain a refreshing break from dark thoughts that make you miserable.
Others' experiences are theirs only. No denying in that one, @poisontongue. I will never be able to really know the depth of despair you're feeling day after day after day day, without a rest. I wish it wouldn't be true, but not from wishes is this universe build. The harsh reality is that whatever vicious pain you're experiencing, I'm not able to comprehend it.
But it doesn't mean I can't listen to you.
I think you're brave, because you've reached out to us. And I think you're strong, because you fought for so long, and if persistence isn't the greatest sign of character, I really don't know what is. You're a warrior which tries to make every day their own, even if you feel it's pointless.
Your pain doesn't define if you have worth. You just have it simply by breathing this world's air. We don't have to prove that we deserve the stardust' particles which form our bodies. You have a point, because you have your mind, and that's it. No loophole in here.
Your pain doesn't define if I care. I want to listen to you, and to hug you, and to ease your pain, even if I am oceans and lands away from you, because I'm also struggling. I'm struggling with my own monster and you won't comprehend its size neither. But it's okay. To be honest we are not here to understand, but to support each other. To hold on when one of us is drowning. To use our arms when one of us want to lean and rest for a bit. To walk beside and to listen without judgement.
Your pain doesn't define you. You are more than your suffering. You are a cosmos of ideas and emotions and endless possibilities. You don't have to act on that essence - you just are. You're wonderful, because you are. You're enough, because you are.
Surviving is enough. Don't push and hate yourself for not having a "good, normal" day, to not feel so broadly and painfully, "to run with a broken leg". You have a depression, and this is an illness which makes lots of things impossible for a certain span of time. Just try to survive. Focus on making through the hours, and minutes, and seconds, until the night falls. Then focus on making through the hours, and minutes, and seconds, until the sunrise. Survive and know you are doing well.
It's so difficult to fight. It's so easy to stop. But you're worth this fight. You deserve a life without this pain and despair. Even if you're brain tells you otherwise.
Please take a good care of yourself, darling. I will be around here if you need anything. I care about you and your pain cannot take it from you.
*hugs*
Thanks... you are so well-spoken. I'm so afraid... so alone...
Im going through the same troubles hun, Just know you can talk to me ;)
I've lain in bed pretty much all day. I can't get up. My vision is swimming and my body isn't working the way I want it to. I can't even breathe right, because every time I do I wanna choke up vomit.
I think my 'dreams' of self destruction are becoming a reality now. I've reached that tipping point where I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Only in my horribly skewed perception, I always imagined somebody would be there to catch me when I fall.
I guess in my mind I always said that this is what it would take to get people to care. And I know that's a horribly manipulative, misguided thing to even think. But it was something that gave me a little hope.
But in reality I feel like nobody wants to be there to support somebody like me. And now it makes me worried, cause I feel like I'm going to keep pulling poorly thought out stunts like these in the hopes that somebody notices and intervenes.
I wanna feel alive again, but I don't know.
Dear @bravestwarrior, I'm so sorry you feel so awful. I cannot imagine how horrible it is for you. But you are not a fraud. You need support and you deserve to receive it. You're ill, love, and you don't deserve to fight it alone.
My bravest warrior, I can see you feel guilty, but it's not your fault. Our thoughts are not facts. Thoughts are just thoughts. Sometimes I'm thinking dreadful, morbid things about death or even starting a murder spree (terrifying, right?), when I'm so angry that I want to punch walls. But I don't act on them. They're just pesky visitors in my head. And they making me feel awful, but I learned few tricks how to close the door. I'm still learning.
My lovely warrior, I hope you will soon get better. Your body hurts and it just makes it even harder for you to be gentle with yourself. But you're worth your kindness. Focus on healing your body, because that's something which I presume is in your reach (if that's not true, please, excuse me my impertinence). Maybe if you're staying in bed, watch movies or TV shows? Or play video games? Or read book or comics. Regardless of your choice, try to distract yourself, as long as your little energy lets you do it. (Sometimes I think all of my days are is a long string of distraction, to make me get through the day.)
Please, let me know how are you feeling now, lovely. Do you still vomit? Do you still cannot breathe? Wonderful, just let me:
*hugs softly and gently*
I really hope you will get better soon, Sending all of my love for you!
Hello again! Thank you for your love and concern, friend!!
I feel so much better today! I just got out of a bad relationship and I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders
I can breathe again!!!
That's so great, @bravestwarrior! I'm so happy for you!
I'm not even sure how to move, even though I've been in the same uncomfortable position for hours.
I can't even find the energy to go to sleep.
Lovely @Mutelock, I know this state. Just laying in there, physically unable to move. Just like paralysis. It's scary. Really scary. I hate it, and I'm always afraid next time I won't be able to move. That's I'm so glad that you've reached out, wonderful.
Let me just hug you and tell it's okay. You have depression and it makes you feel and think horrible things. It's so hard, but try to be gentle with yourself, like if you are a little kitten with a broken paw. Be soft with you, take good care fo you, and dramatically lower your expectations.
Please, let me know, did you feel better after some time? Can I send you some things to do and distract?
Lots of hugs and strength!
Hello @Celaeno and thank you for your nice message. It's so good to know there are people here who want to help.
I eventually fell asleep last night, after a long while. (I put on some rain noises, which helped distract me from how empty and silent everything in my head was.) I don't know how today will be and whether I'll end up spending another day unable to get out of bed, let alone my bedroom... But I don't know yet.
Anyway, thank you so much and take care!