Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

I don't like living anymore. That's pretty much it. It's like everyone in my life has a hate for me and the only ones who care are theverylittle people on this site. Yes, at leastsomeone out there cares, but I don't feel happy or proud of it at all.

Today I have been feeling fine, up until this point. Suddenly I've started feeling really low about life. I have no idea what i want to do with my life and I know that it's okay not to know, it just gets to me sometimes. Sometimes I think that i'll never figure it out, that i'll never know what makes me truly happy and that i'llnever be completely content with my job. I just have no ideahow to figure out what I want to do and even if I did, the chances of me being able to do it are pretty slim because I didn't get the best grades at school. So that's what's on my mind tonight...

Today I am extremely depressed. Its been over a year since I have cut but due to allot of bad things happening I cut today.

I'm really sorry to hear you say that, darling. I couldn't even imagine what you're going through right now, but just know that I am so, so proud of you. And I hope you're proud of yourself to. You did so great and I'm so happy you made it to one year, and the thing is, you're going to relapse. That's how this works. Yeah, it sucks most times but that just means that you're still trying and honestly, trying is the best thing you can ever do. So please, never ever stop trying darling, people want to see that beautiful smile on your face.

Thank you so much. Your reply actually brought tears to my eyes. Its amazing to see that at least one person is proud of me.

I hope I die son. But I dont have the courage to kill myself. No doy cares about me

Well then, let's do the same thing. Not commit suicide. Because, as much as I don't want to be here anymore, I have to stay strong for my mentally ill mother. She needs me to care for her. If I where born into any other life maybe it would be different and I would have been happy. But as it is right now I don't want to live. I want to die. But, unless someone else does it for me, I can't. So let's survive together eh?? If you live I live. Plus this community cares about you. Also I believe in destiny, and there is someone, somewhere hoping for someone just like you to come into their life. You just gotta wait it out long enough to find them.

Your decision make a lot of sense! You are needed here. Some day you'll make a difference in this world. Hope to keep reading you. :)

Hi Pao, I hope you are feeling better today. Sincerely I do.

I'm feeling very depressed and lost and empty lately and knowing that no body actually needs me, I just need them, makes me feel even worse and alone and clingy and selfish. I can't commit suicide (I'm weak in that sense too I suppose), but the thought that if a car was driving straight at me and the knowledge that I would not even try to move really scares me because I know that at times when I'm a bit happier I would give anything to not sink back into the suicidal depression that I am in now because I know if this keeps going I will eventually kill myself. Does that make sense? I suppose I know I need help but there's no one I can tell - my friends don't understand or don't want to and my family well we are very impersonal and don't talk about our feelings so there's no point in trying to make them understand because that will just be another disappointment and I don't think I can take any more of those.

Hi there @SelectiveExile22

I can empathise with many of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences there. I've experienced some of them in different guises myself. I look forward to getting involved in the forums :)

i feel angry at myself. i feel useless, selfish, worthless, like i don't belong. i feel like imliving a lie.

I know what you mean. Nothing I do feels real anymore and I feel as though I don't belong or that I'm disconnected from everyone. It's hard and makes me feel more alone.

I feel immoblized. Unable and unwilling to do anything. I am sitting at work, staring at the screen. I have important stuff to do, but no willpower, no desire, and a sinking feeling of emptiness that is only getting deeper and deeper. I do feel alone as well. Which is why I am here. No one in my personal life with whom I am comfortable sharing this. Even though I am married with kids. Which makes my depression even worse....If I lose this job, it will only hurt my family...yet i cannot motivate myself to do a damn thing. And I don't care... well, I care just enough to write here.

I feel immoblized. Unable and unwilling to do anything. I am sitting at work, staring at the screen. I have important stuff to do, but no willpower, no desire, and a sinking feeling of emptiness that is only getting deeper and deeper. I do feel alone as well. Which is why I am here. No one in my personal life with whom I am comfortable sharing this. Even though I am married with kids. Which makes my depression even worse....If I lose this job, it will only hurt my family...yet i cannot motivate myself to do a damn thing. And I don't care... well, I care just enough to write here.

I feel immoblized. Unable and unwilling to do anything. I am sitting at work, staring at the screen. I have important stuff to do, but no willpower, no desire, and a sinking feeling of emptiness that is only getting deeper and deeper. I do feel alone as well. Which is why I am here. No one in my personal life with whom I am comfortable sharing this. Even though I am married with kids. Which makes my depression even worse....If I lose this job, it will only hurt my family...yet i cannot motivate myself to do a damn thing. And I don't care... well, I care just enough to write here.

I feel dead. To dead to kill myself. Im like a piece of cold, I cant feel nothing, and for moments, I feel everything. I wish I could had a better life but, that is not my history. Not me. Im that depressed person who can't love, feel alive, who can't want to see the world every mornings. That is how I feel. And I can say a lot of sad things about muy life but, the pain still here with me. I'm in love with this pain.

GGirl21. I totally understand how you feel.....not sure I am ready to embrace the pain as you have. I want it to go away. I want to feel alive again. But probably want to do that in unhealthy ways. So, I sit here...stymied....stuck....and I hate it. What do you think would make you feel alive? What do you think would help you feel love once more in life? Why do you love your pain?

I don't have the energy to do anything, all I want to do is sleep. I have so much stuff to get done and I'm not even excited to see my best friend who I haven't seen in 2 years

Today, I'm feeling pretty down, i think it's hormones but i'm feeling pretty low, I wish I knew how to get myself out of feeling like this but after 5 years, i still haven't figured it out.

Today i guess i am not that depressed i cried a little as compared to me last year :) i feel i am healing but the emptiness is still there and i still feel that he comes back and things he did should go i wish he unblocks me i wish i was not in love than i was not miserble

I'm feeling very depressed and lost and empty lately and knowing that no body actually needs me, I just need them, makes me feel even worse and alone and clingy and selfish. I can't commit suicide (I'm weak in that sense too I suppose), but the thought that if a car was driving straight at me and the knowledge that I would not even try to move really scares me because I know that at times when I'm a bit happier I would give anything to not sink back into the suicidal depression that I am in now because I know if this keeps going I will eventually kill myself. Does that make sense? I suppose I know I need help but there's no one I can tell - my friends don't understand or don't want to and my family well we are very impersonal and don't talk about our feelings so there's no point in trying to make them understand because that will just be another disappointment and I don't think I can take any more of those.

I sometimes get to that suicidal depression too but I can't do it because I feel so selfish and guilty and I know it would kill my family. I have been like this for nearly five years now and in those five years I haven't told anyone until recently. My parents think I'm happy and my sister is barely even here and my brother doesn't live with us anymore. I cry myself to sleep every night and want it all to end but I can't do it myself. My family is very impersonal too, we don't talk about feelings or anything, just about school and meaningless things. The first person I told was someone I look up to more than anyone in the world and I did it by letter because I couldn't say it to her face. She told me that she wanted me to try counseling and I did but it didn't work because I don't want to be better, I deserve this sadness. Telling someone though, someone you can just talk to about meaningless things when you're feeling down, ssomeone who understands. That's the best feeling in the world because I finally realised that I matter to someone. I partly also can't commit suicide because she said she would never forgive me if I did since she never told anyone about my depression even when she should have.

I feel like poop. My depression isn't the only thing I have to worry about each day. I have to worry about my insomnia too. It's been 3 months since I last slept and slept well. I'm exhausted and I can't sleep

Numb. I feel numb. Empty except for that constant tension in my chest. A deep unsettling ache within me. It says that nothing matters. That nothing can motivate me. And I wonder what the point to this life is if Im always either numb or overwhelmed. Never anything inbetween. I hope for that, to feel balanced one day. But I've never actually felt it. Definitely not today.

Like a corpse. Nothing feels real anymore. Motivation is gone. Things i used to love mean nothing to me. I hate seeing people it means getting out of bed. It feels like I'm drowning but no one can see that i cannot breathe. Drugs help me escape the prison of my reality but leave me emptier once the high has worn off. I shouldnt be here. It's not so much that i want to kill myself, more that i want to simply cease to exist, just stop being. I am so very tired.

Awh, sweetheart.Stay strong.❤

I know Your might feel alone, like theres no one to talk to, trust me i understand you. But thats not the way to go at thing, i turned to cutting and right now i am trying to stop, and like drugs its kinda like withdrawl, its hard to stop. But after the pain theres nothing to fear, because if its rock bottom... once you get back up theres nothing stoping you theres only motivation to keep going, take care <3

I know Your might feel alone, like theres no one to talk to, trust me i understand you. But thats not the way to go at thing, i turned to cutting and right now i am trying to stop, and like drugs its kinda like withdrawl, its hard to stop. But after the pain theres nothing to fear, because if its rock bottom... once you get back up theres nothing stoping you theres only motivation to keep going, take care <3

I know Your might feel alone, like theres no one to talk to, trust me i understand you. But thats not the way to go at thing, i turned to cutting and right now i am trying to stop, and like drugs its kinda like withdrawl, its hard to stop. But after the pain theres nothing to fear, because if its rock bottom... once you get back up theres nothing stoping you theres only motivation to keep going, take care <3

I feel like im drownding and everybody around me is breathing whatching me suffer inside

i always wear a mask to hide it all

Hey @fallenangle you don't need to hide how you are feeling. Feeling like that is hard, but we are here for you and don't want you to suffer.

thanks

i talk to people but i still have the same feeling in my gut i had before

You're welcome, i know how you feel @fallenangle

you do

do you were a mask every day to hide your real emotion just so everybody can be happy and dont have to worry about a depressed personne @musicmaniac

Yes, every day. @fallenangle

well that makes two of us @musicmaniac

Awh, darling. We're all here to listen and support you,I'm always here of you need anything.Stay strong.❤

I'm tired,i just want my boyfriend.

I feel better than I did last night.