Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
today I feel like I shouldn't even exist. I feel like I'm unimportant and useless and that I should just end it before I mess up anything else. I feel like I should cut again and that if I did try to make it through no one would care. I feel like I'm invisible and that the more I try to become seen, the more I disappear. I'm tired of trying and I'm tired of not being seen.
Today so far has been better than yesterday. Got to talk to my friend. Dreading when my boyfriend will text me though. I think he's still upset and angry and I kind of sprung on him my new depression score (goldberg depression test) last night, 73, then I left.
Wait, is he angry that you're depressed....?? Or has something happened to piss him off?? Because anyone who get angry at the person they 'love' for being depressed, I'm sorry to say, is a fuckface. Screw him if he is angry about that. And, if it is something else, don't forget to remind him that everyone is human, everyone does things that other people aren't happy with and everyone messes up.
I wish he would have finished the job and put a knife through my chest. It's cruel to leave me suffering like this, he should have put me out of my misery right then and there.
I know exactly what you mean. That's word for word what has kept me up all night. But she's kinder, prettier, less fucked up than me. So he'd probably be happier anyway.
I don't like living anymore. That's pretty much it. It's like everyone in my life has a hate for me and the only ones who care are theverylittle people on this site. Yes, at leastsomeone out there cares, but I don't feel happy or proud of it at all.
Today I have been feeling fine, up until this point. Suddenly I've started feeling really low about life. I have no idea what i want to do with my life and I know that it's okay not to know, it just gets to me sometimes. Sometimes I think that i'll never figure it out, that i'll never know what makes me truly happy and that i'llnever be completely content with my job. I just have no ideahow to figure out what I want to do and even if I did, the chances of me being able to do it are pretty slim because I didn't get the best grades at school. So that's what's on my mind tonight...
Today I am extremely depressed. Its been over a year since I have cut but due to allot of bad things happening I cut today.
I'm really sorry to hear you say that, darling. I couldn't even imagine what you're going through right now, but just know that I am so, so proud of you. And I hope you're proud of yourself to. You did so great and I'm so happy you made it to one year, and the thing is, you're going to relapse. That's how this works. Yeah, it sucks most times but that just means that you're still trying and honestly, trying is the best thing you can ever do. So please, never ever stop trying darling, people want to see that beautiful smile on your face.
Thank you so much. Your reply actually brought tears to my eyes. Its amazing to see that at least one person is proud of me.
I hope I die son. But I dont have the courage to kill myself. No doy cares about me
Well then, let's do the same thing. Not commit suicide. Because, as much as I don't want to be here anymore, I have to stay strong for my mentally ill mother. She needs me to care for her. If I where born into any other life maybe it would be different and I would have been happy. But as it is right now I don't want to live. I want to die. But, unless someone else does it for me, I can't. So let's survive together eh?? If you live I live. Plus this community cares about you. Also I believe in destiny, and there is someone, somewhere hoping for someone just like you to come into their life. You just gotta wait it out long enough to find them.
Your decision make a lot of sense! You are needed here. Some day you'll make a difference in this world. Hope to keep reading you. :)
Hi Pao, I hope you are feeling better today. Sincerely I do.
I'm feeling very depressed and lost and empty lately and knowing that no body actually needs me, I just need them, makes me feel even worse and alone and clingy and selfish. I can't commit suicide (I'm weak in that sense too I suppose), but the thought that if a car was driving straight at me and the knowledge that I would not even try to move really scares me because I know that at times when I'm a bit happier I would give anything to not sink back into the suicidal depression that I am in now because I know if this keeps going I will eventually kill myself. Does that make sense? I suppose I know I need help but there's no one I can tell - my friends don't understand or don't want to and my family well we are very impersonal and don't talk about our feelings so there's no point in trying to make them understand because that will just be another disappointment and I don't think I can take any more of those.
Hi there @SelectiveExile22
I can empathise with many of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences there. I've experienced some of them in different guises myself. I look forward to getting involved in the forums :)
i feel angry at myself. i feel useless, selfish, worthless, like i don't belong. i feel like imliving a lie.
I know what you mean. Nothing I do feels real anymore and I feel as though I don't belong or that I'm disconnected from everyone. It's hard and makes me feel more alone.
I feel immoblized. Unable and unwilling to do anything. I am sitting at work, staring at the screen. I have important stuff to do, but no willpower, no desire, and a sinking feeling of emptiness that is only getting deeper and deeper. I do feel alone as well. Which is why I am here. No one in my personal life with whom I am comfortable sharing this. Even though I am married with kids. Which makes my depression even worse....If I lose this job, it will only hurt my family...yet i cannot motivate myself to do a damn thing. And I don't care... well, I care just enough to write here.
