Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

I don't feel great today, I have an app where I track my moods and I listed it as "awful" today. I've started new medication (2 weeks ago) and I know a side effect is that it might get worse before it gets better but my mood is painfully low. I have pretty bad anxiety and I struggle very much with intrusive thoughts mainly around harm towards myself, I don't feel as though I want to act on them but they are distressing to say the least and those have been particuarly bad.

I feel jumbled in my thoughts, I want to be alone but I'm desperately lonely, I feel like there's an ocean of emotional distance between me and my friends and husband, I don't feel like I can accurately explain how I feel because I know it doesn't make sense really.

Im trying to find new ways to relieve my stress and lift my mood, this app, meditation, I have a diary now etc but it feels worse each day.

i feel sad at work, but when I walk in the door, it is even worse at my house. Here is where I want my life to take place-only it has been ripped apart and tore to pieces. At this moment in time, I could care less about anything.

I am so tired of not feeling well, I will start my day being fine and all of a sudden someone will say something and I immediately shut down, I hate it! I am sooooo done, I want meds or something to stop this, I always feel tired... My dad says it's lack of self esteem, but I don't know...

Had a bad day at work, my co-workers are awesome and I am so thankful for them, but my boss has been on a rampage lately, I feel like she is trying to catch everyone making small mistakes to document them and try to find a way to let them go. I don't trust anyone and I need to let that go. Trying to accept what will happen, will happen is exeptionally difficult. On the flip side, we had dinner with a friend who I became close to once I met my husband. This person has never opened up to me until tonight and it felt amazing! I am on cloud nine becuase I finally feel as though we have bonded and built a strong base for a great friendship. I am absolutely looking forward to what the future holds. Although it is hard somedays to go to work due to the environment, this was most definitly the boost I needed to keep going. I feel like I've done something right today.

I had a very good day yesterday. But I woke up at 3:30 am after having a bad dream about being abandoned by people I trusted. I've just been online for an hour in my phone because I am afraid to let my thoughts wander as I try to sleep. I feel a tightness in my chest. I feel alone again and angry that everyone tells me how great I am but no one stays. Angry that he is here in my country with her and happy and not caring about me. Angry that everyone else seems to fit in somewhere. Afraid to let another guy close because I don't want my reason to stay in my home town to be because of a guy. I would always resent staying because I don't know if I could trust him or anyone. Frustrated with myself for not being able to get over the guy and the betrayal and the whole situation like everyone says I should. Worried about my job future. Tired of feeling so many things at once and having no one to talk to.

Hi I'm new to here,

i suffer from depression although it's like an attack to me. Sometimes it just comes and hits me and I end up crying my heart out idk why. I've been through a lot but now I'm living a good life. Lately I've been waking up at night realizing I was crying on my sleep, I came here for people that might help me but so far I've not gotten a heart to heart conversation. It's now 4:54am and I ended up crying again, my heart hurts so much idk why. Nothing bad happened to me or anything. I feel like I'm just so different from everyone so I'm sorta the careful person, but I do socialize. I have trust issues, but honestly I don't think I need anyone as long as I have God, everyone knows I prefer working alone and they said it's not good but at a vey young age prob 6, I've been taking care of myself. I have a pretty good memory that I still remember my friends from kinder although they forgot....and I just feel so different and my heart just starts hurting out of nowhere and I end up with this sad sad feeling. I don't know if this is a sickness or something but the crying seriously needs to stop. ;-;

Can't stop crying today, I'm not getting out of bed for anything ✌🏻️ I just wanna drift away from everything and everybody.

today i felt calm. body still pretty sore but its just the effects of a good gym workout #nopainnogain

I did yoga in the morning, which made me feel good. Then I felt really low all day -- didn't leave my house and obsessed over my ex. After crying a bit, I decided to delete his phone number and to take off the birth control patch. I hope my mood swings and tummy ache are related to the patch!

Today's a really hard day :( my husband and I got into a foolish fight that had me in tears, just as I'm sobbing I got a call saying I was supposed to be at work - I swore it was my day off! I was so upset I had a massive panic attack. My heart hurts, everything just feels like it's a swirling pool of madness. I'm so scared all the time of dissapponting everyone, always apologising for the stupidest things. I just want to hide, I don't want anyone to see this side of me and it just gets harder as the years tick by to be ok. Sometimes I honestly can't remember what life used to be like before depression set in, mild depression seems to be my natural state followed by intense depression on top. (Dysthymia?)

Anyway...today is Monday. I didn't go to work. I feel like a heartbroken failure today and feel like everyone already thinks i am unreliable and useless.

Thanks for listening, I desperately needed to vent :(