Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

I had a very good day yesterday. But I woke up at 3:30 am after having a bad dream about being abandoned by people I trusted. I've just been online for an hour in my phone because I am afraid to let my thoughts wander as I try to sleep. I feel a tightness in my chest. I feel alone again and angry that everyone tells me how great I am but no one stays. Angry that he is here in my country with her and happy and not caring about me. Angry that everyone else seems to fit in somewhere. Afraid to let another guy close because I don't want my reason to stay in my home town to be because of a guy. I would always resent staying because I don't know if I could trust him or anyone. Frustrated with myself for not being able to get over the guy and the betrayal and the whole situation like everyone says I should. Worried about my job future. Tired of feeling so many things at once and having no one to talk to.

Hi I'm new to here,

i suffer from depression although it's like an attack to me. Sometimes it just comes and hits me and I end up crying my heart out idk why. I've been through a lot but now I'm living a good life. Lately I've been waking up at night realizing I was crying on my sleep, I came here for people that might help me but so far I've not gotten a heart to heart conversation. It's now 4:54am and I ended up crying again, my heart hurts so much idk why. Nothing bad happened to me or anything. I feel like I'm just so different from everyone so I'm sorta the careful person, but I do socialize. I have trust issues, but honestly I don't think I need anyone as long as I have God, everyone knows I prefer working alone and they said it's not good but at a vey young age prob 6, I've been taking care of myself. I have a pretty good memory that I still remember my friends from kinder although they forgot....and I just feel so different and my heart just starts hurting out of nowhere and I end up with this sad sad feeling. I don't know if this is a sickness or something but the crying seriously needs to stop. ;-;

Can't stop crying today, I'm not getting out of bed for anything ✌🏻️ I just wanna drift away from everything and everybody.

today i felt calm. body still pretty sore but its just the effects of a good gym workout #nopainnogain

I did yoga in the morning, which made me feel good. Then I felt really low all day -- didn't leave my house and obsessed over my ex. After crying a bit, I decided to delete his phone number and to take off the birth control patch. I hope my mood swings and tummy ache are related to the patch!

Today's a really hard day :( my husband and I got into a foolish fight that had me in tears, just as I'm sobbing I got a call saying I was supposed to be at work - I swore it was my day off! I was so upset I had a massive panic attack. My heart hurts, everything just feels like it's a swirling pool of madness. I'm so scared all the time of dissapponting everyone, always apologising for the stupidest things. I just want to hide, I don't want anyone to see this side of me and it just gets harder as the years tick by to be ok. Sometimes I honestly can't remember what life used to be like before depression set in, mild depression seems to be my natural state followed by intense depression on top. (Dysthymia?)

Anyway...today is Monday. I didn't go to work. I feel like a heartbroken failure today and feel like everyone already thinks i am unreliable and useless.

Thanks for listening, I desperately needed to vent :(

Awful... just awful. I felt really good after running and then I jumped straight to developing my Android app, after which I did some studying of Unity engine and a bit of refresher of Linear Algerba...

But as soon as I stopped, took a breather from all of it and tried to interact and talk with friends and family, I began to feel really low and irritated.

Because my mind immediately began to lush towards her (very dear friend, who has hurt badly few days ago) and everything else just became nuisance at that moment. Now after a bit ot workout I feel better and I will try to go to a cinema and see how that goes for me but it's really hard, when all you could think is about us and things, stuff about we talked, did.... which we may never do, unless she makes up her mind and comes all out front.

That and I feel bit of anxiety about decision to change the Uni, because I wanted to finish master program on another, which I like more and it has more to offer. At least that all seemed like good idea at the time... Now it's to late to revert anything and I'm not so sure anymore.

I am a tad depressed, a girl I like and hold very dear can't make up her mind what she wants, even though we both know how we feel about each other and made few important promises, which obviously to her don't mean much as to me, or am I just too self-centered and hypocrite? - Nah, that's rhetorical question, other people have told me opposite...Man, do I wish it that was the case.

Then there is this University switching I decided, so I could finish master's course (post-graduate), in the University with more benefits, better reputation and opportunities... Seemed like good idea at the time, I still think it is but I have doubts, unreasonable doubts.

And then there is family issues which last for well over a year now and there so no sight of end to them, they just put additional strain to mine already overly stressed state..

Every time I think about my financial situation I want to die.

That's how I feel right now.

I just had to make yet another student loan payment. I wanted to use the last of my money for another psychiatrist appointment but I guess that's not happening. 2bad4me

I felt okay today. Until a little bit ago. Then I felt like I was unimportant. I know she loves me, but it doesn't feel that way right now.