Tired
I'm just so tired. Tired of feeling depressed, tired of feeling like I'm never enough, tired of trying. I have no desire to go on, no family left that actually seems to care about me, no reason to keep going. Ever since I was a kid I've struggled with mental health issues. I've been on every medication in the book, seen more therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists than I can count and here I am still struggling. I just don't want to do it anymore, can't drag myself out of bed most of the time. The only shining light I see in my life right now is my wife, I'm sticking around for her. But I feel like I need to want to be here for me. It's strange that I am so terribly afraid of death and the uncertainty that comes with it, but at the same time I almost welcome it.
I know these feelings can't last forever but it's hard to see past them right now. 💔