All I do is cry
I was crying
Iv been crying non-stop for the last 6 hrs
My eyes are puffy and red
My mom came in and caught me
Its almost like she caught me doing something I've been trying to hide
She told me shes scared im depressed
I was shocked - cus I think shes right
Then I started crying
I hide my pain realy well and for the first time ever it feels like she found me hurting before I even realized it
I know I've been hurting but to the point of depression didn't even cross my mind
Till she said it and now that I think about it she may be right
Typically I'm not textbook, I've been down this route before and I know my signs and I didnt see any of them
This time I am textbook and my mom just so happens to be a nurse
I think because I live with her she caught it
But I'm also really good at hiding it and TOM is here and I was able to blame today on TOM
To an extent I think TOM is playing a big role, I wouldn't have been crying for 6 hrs straight otherwise
She bought it
She says she doesn't know what she can do, and neither do I
Next week when I'm on the other side of this I'll decide if it was really all on TOM but for now im really hurting
Anyways I'll keep hiding it but I'll say it is getting harder and harder
@callmeRM
Rm, I 'm sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Hugging you tight (if its acceptable)
Its ok to cry, you have been through so much. We cry as a fundamental way to express pain. I couldn't imagine what you have been through. Depression sucks and its unfair you have to deal with everything that has happened.
@callmeRM
Why hide it? What are you scared of?
@WhatNameidk others seeing me break, others seeing that I am in fact not happy and never was, others seeing that im drowning, others seeing the pain of my heart, others seeing that im to far gone to save, seeing the pain that others feel cus of the pain I feel, others seeing me break
@callmeRM why are you breaking? Do you understand why you are sad?
@callmeRM
You don't trust them to care? Or you are ashamed?
@callmeRM hey, I’ve been here. Longer than I should have. It’s a blessing you have your mom, she seems really nice and she cares about you. I was always ashamed of my tears. It wasn’t until I finally stopped being ashamed and decided to use my words with her instead. I didn’t know why I felt sad. But I was. And I told her just that. She just understood and told me to distract myself with something fun. She encourages me to get into a new hobby or something as simple as watch a funny movie or comedy. But honestly, just talking to her and knowing she’s aware and has my back is exactly what makes me feel better. Almost instantly. So, I encourage you to stop being ashamed of your tears. Own your tears. Tell your mom, your dad your sibling whoever, honestly, if you can’t pin point what it is. Just say you feel really sad and feel the need to cry. If she asks you to go for a walk with her or come wash the dishes to distract yourself, I encourage you to go and do it. Don’t overfeed the sad wolf. Give yourself a break. And if you have a day where you feel sad, even if you don’t know why, understand you can talk to her. You can talk to your near and dear person. This will also bring you so much closer. A closeness you didn’t know was even possible! Maybe you’re lacking vitamins, maybe you need to eat more nutritious foods, maybe you need to get your body moving with a workout. Don’t keep yourself stuck hun. You got this. Overcome this by doing or listening to something fun. No sad music!! When these moments come, don’t let them last long. I love putting on my feel good dance music. Even if I’m not in the mood, a really good song and singing sesh can change my mood for the better even if just a bit. That bit can get the ball rolling for an even better mood. All the best. No more tears love ❣️
