Absolutely Nothing
Yesterday marked the day something died inside of me. My sister recently had a pretty big surgery and the doctor told her not to move around a lot and relax. Apparently my family got invited over for lunch and my father said all of us would come. My sister who was withering away in pain and agony called herself trying to get ready for said lunch. I told her obviously she was exempt but she insisted she was fine. (She was not) I was so sure that if my father saw the pain she was in he would call it off or at least let her stay home. Nope, he also insisted she was fine enough to go to this lunch. I argued of course but his word was final.
She was in pain the way there, during the lunch which lasted a couple hours and all the way back. Every time she complained about the pain he consoled her and would shower her with kind words. To me, all of it seemed so shallow and empty. She wouldn't be in pain like this if you didn't make her go. Throughout the years, I've never had a good relationship with either of my parents. When I was younger they never really bothered with me and I never really bothered with them. Then, they started wanting me to do things and I wanted their love, so I complied. Even if it hurt me, which it did.
I never understood their love and affection. My sister tells me that they love me in their own twisted way, but I'd rather they just not love me at this point. My mom just keeps using me like a tool to make her life easier. It's upsetting how I have to deal with the consequences of her actions. But my dad, he's different. He's a lot more chill unless he has a plan for you. If he has a plan for you, you're following through, no matter what. Dead or alive, you're going to do it. I always thought if it came down to it, he would understand and not push his plans on us all the time. However, yesterday taught me otherwise.
One thing I do love are my siblings. Use me, okay whatever. Making my sister who had surgery that week go out for an unnecessary dinner, in pain and crying her eyes out, that's not something I can accept. My other sister, who's special needs not having food or water until I wake up is not okay. If she's up and no one else is awake you can't just leave the house for hours on end. I am tired of them making all these messes and I have to be the one to clean them up.
So, here I am. It pains me to say it, but when I look at them now I feel nothing. I want nothing to do with them. It's reached a point that if I ever leave this house, I am near certain I will not come back. I've lost all respect for them. You cannot treat me and my siblings like this and expect me to care about your well-being. I'm done.
