Absolutely Nothing
Yesterday marked the day something died inside of me. My sister recently had a pretty big surgery and the doctor told her not to move around a lot and relax. Apparently my family got invited over for lunch and my father said all of us would come. My sister who was withering away in pain and agony called herself trying to get ready for said lunch. I told her obviously she was exempt but she insisted she was fine. (She was not) I was so sure that if my father saw the pain she was in he would call it off or at least let her stay home. Nope, he also insisted she was fine enough to go to this lunch. I argued of course but his word was final.
She was in pain the way there, during the lunch which lasted a couple hours and all the way back. Every time she complained about the pain he consoled her and would shower her with kind words. To me, all of it seemed so shallow and empty. She wouldn't be in pain like this if you didn't make her go. Throughout the years, I've never had a good relationship with either of my parents. When I was younger they never really bothered with me and I never really bothered with them. Then, they started wanting me to do things and I wanted their love, so I complied. Even if it hurt me, which it did.
I never understood their love and affection. My sister tells me that they love me in their own twisted way, but I'd rather they just not love me at this point. My mom just keeps using me like a tool to make her life easier. It's upsetting how I have to deal with the consequences of her actions. But my dad, he's different. He's a lot more chill unless he has a plan for you. If he has a plan for you, you're following through, no matter what. Dead or alive, you're going to do it. I always thought if it came down to it, he would understand and not push his plans on us all the time. However, yesterday taught me otherwise.
One thing I do love are my siblings. Use me, okay whatever. Making my sister who had surgery that week go out for an unnecessary dinner, in pain and crying her eyes out, that's not something I can accept. My other sister, who's special needs not having food or water until I wake up is not okay. If she's up and no one else is awake you can't just leave the house for hours on end. I am tired of them making all these messes and I have to be the one to clean them up.
So, here I am. It pains me to say it, but when I look at them now I feel nothing. I want nothing to do with them. It's reached a point that if I ever leave this house, I am near certain I will not come back. I've lost all respect for them. You cannot treat me and my siblings like this and expect me to care about your well-being. I'm done.
@JollyRacher Thank you for opening up with us Racher. <3 I can understand you have been feeling taken advantage of by your family for a long time, and seeing your sister suffer because of their demands has made you realize that you don't want to continue being used by them anymore. You have tried to meet their expectations, but it has cost you a lot. I guess we can;t please everyone all time. Somewhere we have to start thinking what matters most to us. What thoughts go through your mind when you think about cutting ties with them?
@ASilentObserver
At this point, mostly relief. I think in a couple months I would've been a member here on 7 cups for around a year. In the beginning it pained me and confused me how my parents acted and treated me. I wanted to understand why they were being like this and find a middle ground. I loved them so much and I didn't want to ruin our relationship. So, I tried to make sense of things. I asked questions and sought out advice. I talked to them, open honest discussion and every time it seemed like a glimmer of hope would appear for a better chance. And every time in the span of a week it would come crashing down.
You have to draw the line somewhere and for me, my siblings were that line. I don't want their weird confusing love anymore. I don't want to understand their point of view. I want my siblings to have actual parents that show up and care about them. I want to see change, actual change and betterment. I want work and random fun outings to not be put above our well-being. And I realized that's not happening right now, if it ever does. So, now I just feel angry and tired. Like I've been used for the last 19 years of my life. So they can do whatever they please while I deal with the responsibility. Robbed out of a normal childhood and in a couple of months all my teenage years.
I'm just done.
@JollyRacher It is challenging to feel used by those who are supposed to care for you. It feels like you are feeling relieved after realizing that maintaining a relationship with your parents comes at such a high cost to your well-being. How has this realization impacted your sense of identity?
@ASilentObserver
Hard to impact something I never really had. When I was younger (6 or 7) I got in trouble after arguing with a teacher and my dad got really mad at me. He never yelled before and grabbed me, so I was pretty scared. He told me to respect my elders and adult figures even if they were wrong or wronged me. As adults they know better than I do and I should respect them no matter what. I was little and was constantly getting bullied by teachers, so instead of my usual talking back and standing up for myself I sat down and accepted it. After that, I just did what I was told. Didn't ask questions, even when I was uncomfortable I kept my head down. Changed myself for others and left the real me buried in a ditch somewhere. Still trying to figure out where it is.
@JollyRacher 😥 that's incredibly sad, how can parents do such things at the expense of hurting your children. It seems very selfish, I don't think just anyone should have the right to be a parent. I'm so sorry sweetie, you have a good heart, don't let your parents full it with hate. Hugs you tightly ❤❤
