Weekly Prompt #7: How have you been feeling lately?
Hello everyone, I hope you are all being easy on yourself this week.
Last week we discussed What small moments brought a glimmer of light today? Thank you to all who participated and shared their thoughts for discussion. I enjoyed them. I hope you all did too. If you didn't share yours, please share them here and I look forward to reading and discussing them with you.
This week's prompt: How have you been feeling lately?
Today, I want us to get back to basics and share how you have been feeling lately? You know in all going every day, it is so harder to focus on your emotions and feelings but today I want us to take a moment and re-focus on how things are happening and how are we feeling about it?
Let's get started and share your thoughts with us.
@ASilentObserver
I've been mostly positive. I see lots of things to be proud of in the coming months and am celebrating my progress. However, I do have a bad habit that I can't seem to beat. It's causing guilt and shame as I'll go weeks without and then fall off the wagon.
@neatBlueberry5213 I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with this habit that has caused you guilt and shame. It can be difficult to break habits that we fall back into. The progress you have made and the things you have to be proud of show your resilience. Please know we are all here for you and we are in this together. Please keep taking your small steps and sharing it with us. <3
@ASilentObserver
How have I've been feeling lately?
Well, I've been feeling mainly negative emotions. Sometimes, I'm miserable and stressed on a school day, or I'm procrastinating and sleepy on a busy weekend. I get things done, but it requires a lot of my tears and forcing myself to do things. I often feel unmotivated with things, and it doesn't help that I struggle with things in my own home (like a bitter relationship with my toxic mother.) I also struggle to cope with such challenges, I'm not sure that even the other kids I sit with in my class have it pretty bad like I do. I understand I'm not alone with these problems, but I FEEL like I'm alone since everyone else has friends (in my school.) I have nobody due to my Social Anxiety and other mental health struggles. I feel unpowerful and I haven't been doing anything to help combat my struggles. I also don't classify myself as a friend, so I just feel unloved sometimes. I have my dad and brother, but only 2 people. I don't even hangout with them that much. Work could stop sign me in its tracks and direct me to mess myself up and my aggravated brain. I'm in all advanced classes... so I just have constant work. I'm really tired right now, this morning, and I feel nervous to go to school.
@Megalomentaurus Thank you for sharing what's on your mind. I am sorry to hear that, Megal. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot emotionally between school challenges, home life, and feeling alone. Those all sound like difficult burdens to carry. You mentioned not having felt empowered - is there anything that has helped you feel a sense of strength in the past, even for brief moments? How have you been coping with these difficult feelings when they arise?
Please know we are all here with you to listen to and to support. You are not alone in this.
@ASilentObserver
@Megalomentaurus Thank you for sharing what's on your mind. I am sorry to hear that, Megal. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot emotionally between school challenges, home life, and feeling alone. Those all sound like difficult burdens to carry. You mentioned not having felt empowered - is there anything that has helped you feel a sense of strength in the past, even for brief moments? How have you been coping with these difficult feelings when they arise?
Please know we are all here with you to listen to and to support. You are not alone in this.
I'm not entirely sure about empowerment. It could help if I try to remind myself of my previous successes, like managing to greet myself to ALL of my teachers during an open house event (previous me wouldn't do that). However, I'm not used to trying to give myself love and congratulations, so it's not fully effective. In the past, however, in those moments... I felt stronger and prouder in myself. Here's the catch though, I only feel proud when I DO something. I can't feel proud and strong when I don't do anything at all. My dad also wants me to try out there, which I will not bring him at fault, but it DOES make me feel guilty and I messed up again... doing... NOTHING. Sometimes, I'm just caught up in all the emotional distress I feel that, I don't take a moment to stop and breathe. I'm always on-edge in public, I can't relax. I might feel upset and tired if it's a busy weekend. I'm a fresh teenager, yet I already hate that I'm getting older. If I think too much about "getting older," more intrusive thoughts will arise in my brain. This will just mess myself up more. Intrusive thoughts always attack me. I haven't been coping well with these feelings, I think I have a minor mental breakdown yesterday when I was trying to do my math homework. I started crying, wincing, and screeching. I also laughed a bit, but it was a painful laugh, as I laid there with tears falling. Or I cried as I continued to do my math. I managed to finish my math homework, but I had to withstand a lot of pain and misery. All I do right now... is mainly cry and breakdown with all the emotions I have.
@Megalomentaurus Thank you for sharing so openly about what you've been experiencing. It takes courage to be vulnerable, especially when coping with difficult emotions. From what you described, it seems managing your feelings while also taking care of responsibilities can feel overwhelming at times. You've shown strength in recognizing what has helped in the past like mindfulness, as well as in continuing with your responsibilities despite facing hard feelings. You deserve compassion and support.
Like a failure. I just tried to go back to work on a freelance biases and while I did good at certain tasks, one employee keeps telling my manager that I’m not as good as I think I am and it’s getting into my head and messing me up. I also just had my second child and it’s a huge adjustment to go from one to two.
@akay06 I am sorry to hear that, akay. It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of difficult changes and adjustments both at work and at home. Having a second child is a huge transition and dealing with challenges at work can make it feel overwhelming. How are you coping with all the adjustments so far?
You are doing your best!
I'm trying to get up early, not for work, but actually to shower and wash my face by myself.
@ASilentObserver hi.
Yesterday I was feeling exactly as @helpfulTurtle6349 described, exactly that, every single word. I too use to get completely repulsed by any self-care when it hits me. I always feel like a failure and angry with myself because I'm not able to do anything for myself, family or work throughout the whole day. Even coffee I make for hours. I was unfocused, forgot about a 1000 things. My memory gets worst with each depression wave. I try to do some of the grounding techniques every day but yesterday it was so hard to do any. But I tried. Sometimes it worked, but most of the time I just couldn't focus on anything except the sadness, grief and exhaustion.
I never had these strong overwhelming waves before, or at least I don't remember. Or maybe I displaced it in my mind to forget, I don't know. I remember a few but they were always caused by some major thing like an agreement between me and my husband or me and my mom = I understood why they happened. I remember long lasting depressions that just wouldn't let go, long lasting grief. But only few of them were as strong as these are now. And they just come out of nowhere now. When it hits me I feel like I'm drowning and I can't hold on to anything.
But today I'm feeling quite well, I have energy to cook and do normal things, even work. Maybe it's because I had quite a good sleep despite waking up at 5AM and not feeling rested. But it's better than the half-sleep or no sleep at all. I was at the local sleeping center last week, they said my insomnia is quite severe, that it might be genetic and gave me sleeping pills. So far they help but there were two nights they didn't work, I completely freaked out about it. I'm constantly afraid they'll end up like everything else - 1-2 weeks is max time anything helped me sleep before, then stopped working. But today it's good, I slept. I have hope.
The side effects lists depression and suicidal thoughts. On my contraception I started a few days ago, too. I freaked out about it when I read it at first. Then after a day or so I did the 7 Cups depression/grief path in the night. There was this step where you should put your worries into the cloud and let it fly away. I try to think about it with the meds and contraception, not to catastrophize and just let it be what it will be. If it's getting worse I'll just stop taking it. I hope I can make it.
@mish3l Hi, so good to see you. <3 Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like yesterday was especially difficult with the strong waves of sadness, grief, and exhaustion. If today finds you feeling better with more energy, that is truly hopeful. Your efforts at grounding techniques, even when difficult, show great strength. You've also demonstrated wisdom in realizing medications and changes may affect people differently without always meaning the worst. I'm glad you have support as you navigate what helps you best.
@ASilentObserver sadly I'm still doing pretty badly.
A few years ago, I got into a fight with an online streamer because she didn't care about my feelings, I felt her friend kept routinely targeting me because it was only me that ever got targeted by him and she obsessively defends him and his behavior yet she whines when she's the one getting attacked.
To this day I still see her as nothing more than someone who lies and only cares about whomever can buy her off. She can claim all she wants that she doesn't favor anyone but that's not what I see from my perspective.
I truly feel she's capable of trying to kill me, I've tried ordering from an online store last year and stopped because I truly feel she's finding ways to sabotage anything she can including trying to poison any food deliveries, I WON'T even touch any mail that I get because I truly feel that everything has been poisoned by her.
@WhiteTigrDCM Thank you for sharing what's weighing heavily on your mind and heart. Feeling routinely targeted and not supported takes a toll. It sounds like past hurt and conflict still linger strongly. I hear how their actions have affected your trust in others and sense of safety. You deserve to feel heard and cared for without fear. How are you currently coping with these difficult feelings?
Please know we are all here with you to listen to and to support. <3
@ASilentObserver yup you aren't wrong with past hurt and nothing regarding coping skills helps me.
People have tried using medication to help me out but even if that doesn't work since I'm one of those types of people where I build up quite an impressive immunity to such stuff which can be a blessing and a curse all at the same time.
This hurt has been going on for almost 4 decades. People making fun of me due to my disability or liking a particular show, that takes a beating on you.
I've always hated people who aren't fair to people, I always try to stick to what I believe in.
For example I grew up hating hugs but because my Mom died 2 decades ago, I started to accept them more but just from females since I'm not a people person and not a fan of males because I wasn't that close with my Dad. Now because of the recent virus, I've went back to hating hugs but I always feel that people should not favor others to determine stuff like hugs or anything of the sort.
I realize this is a long post but just wanted to explain things in more detail so that it also explains why I don't like my family since my family especially my oldest sister ALWAYS thinks that my hurt feelings has to do with romantically liking someone when that has never been the case regarding my hurt feelings except for a couple of school classmates from years ago, it has always been about people favoring others which makes me feel useless and worthless.
I even have to fire my own Payee because she's another one that makes me feel useless and worthless since she routinely ignores me, I got an internet bill for this month and later I got credit for it and I tried to inform her of this but she blatantly ignored me, she has an inability to listen to me so she caused me to lose out on the credit for this month all because of that and I worked out to get the credit accepted so that my bills could be cheaper since I don't have much money.
@WhiteTigrDCM I hear this hurt runs deep from longstanding challenges, and it's understandable how experiences over decades could accumulate pain. Feeling useless and worthless is never easy to bear. Focusing on fairness and standing up for oneself are strengths that come from caring deeply. You've clearly survived much, and I have faith in your resilience. We are all here with you, DCM. Your every step counts and please take your time to share more!
@ASilentObserver yup exactly and sadly it doesn't help that this cyberbully well let's just say she obsessively defends and makes excuses for her friend targeting me just because he deals with hurt too as if that makes it okay which it doesn't but it's like she doesn't get it or doesn't care that hurt feelings is not an excuse to hurt others.
They both caused me a ton of damage due to their behaviors to the point that I have daily panic attacks because of them triggering PTSD within me because of how much they hurt me.
This is precisely why I don't care if they're getting attacked because they rightfully deserved it, they can blame me for the attacks all they want but that's not my style.
I feel like my life has turned into a pointless disaster. I manage most day to day necessities while lacking on some basics. I have no drive because my mind is so scattered. I personally don't truly believe I am depressed just dealing with a lot of anxiety that I don't know how to manage.
@ASilentObserver
@goldenKite9827 It sounds like you're experiencing a difficult time feeling scattered and lacking drive. Those feelings can be really hard to manage. It shows a lot of strength in just keeping up with daily tasks while navigating anxiety - you've found ways to take care of yourself even when it's hard. What matters most to you in finding some relief or clarity?
Today I feel sad but hopeful and thankful. Lately I've been having a hard time dealing with my emotions and harming the people I love mentally and emotionally from being really mean and isolating or well "A ***". I've been noticing I've be experiencing this in my marriage for 3 years now and each year it's been getting worse. Now I feel alot of my reaction or triggered by emotions I should be able to control and put my family first however alot of ti.es my emotions will take over and now I'm this person I wish I'd never become during those moments to the point that if I don't get help I could loose my family and been on the verge many time. I looked online and came across this app in hopes to get some help, guidance and support through me emotions so that I'm not becoming this monster that can't be trust and lose all that is dear to me and myself. Thank you for all the member and the people who created this app I'm hopeful and delighted to see where this can lead me in .y pathway of healing and growth.
@Ki2Manifest Thank you for sharing your story with me. It sounds like you've been experiencing a lot of difficult emotions that have been affecting your relationships. Reflecting on how your actions have been impacting those close to you show strength and self-awareness. You mentioned wanting to get help - speaking with others can provide perspective during challenging times. I'm glad you found this space and we are all here with you to listen to and to support. What insights you've gained about what triggers some of these intense feelings?
Well I have noticed alot of the intense triggers come from things I have not forgiven myself for being brought back up through conversations and I understand I can speed up how someone heal from a situation but my triggers lie with being remind as if I'm not actively working in moving in a different direction. Being ask to be kind no matter what be especially if I'm an issue and having to hold my energy to be supportive while ther be alot of frustration and anger towards me be conflicting and hard some times because ion feel is fair and understanding that marriage alot of times isn't fair and learn to adapt which I still haven't over 4 years of being married so I'm not always the constant issue while working to do what I can to stay a solution or problem solver and not the problem in all the equation and challenges we encounter. I also believe me being married to a woman plays a huge role into while things ate the way it is and understanding like it's not going to be this traditional marriage and being a giver all the time is draining and overwhelming at times on top of the everyday world-winds we already go through of surviving with our 3 children.
It gotten worse and irritated and gotten i a car wreck someone stopped in front and broke hard and we hit the person and my depression and anxiety and emotional stress and bad it juat a lot to deal with
Ever been a designated driver? Imagine that, but for an entire family, and for the last six years running, with no breaks. And also imagine that everyone hates that you’re the designated driver and hates you for being sober.
That’s my life, more or less
@generousSailboat3674 Thank you for sharing your experience. Being the sole support for a family over the years sounds difficult and draining. How have you been feeling through this time? You must have shown tremendous strength and care. We are all here with you to listen to and support you. Please take your time to share more as you feel comfortable. You are not alone in this.
@ASilentObserver
“How have you been feeling through this time?”
With all due respect, I did just say I felt like I’m the designated driver who everybody hates for being sober 🙃
“You must have shown tremendous strength and care.”
No, and please do not ever say that again, it does FAR more harm to me than good.
