Depression Support Check-in: Wednesday, June 30, 2021
Hello everyone! It's good to see you guys again. Hope everyone's been having a lovely Wednesday so far!
Today is the last day of June, this month seemed to go by so fast. 
Feel free to answer any of the following check-in questions!
1. How are you doing?
2. What is something you accomplished today, and what was something difficult from today?
3. What does "self worth" mean to you?
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I'm not doing very well. I haven't logged onto the site for awhile. My mother finally told me on Monday that the emphysema she was diagnosed with in May has become worse, that she now offically has COPD and was prescribed another inaler for it as well as a bout of steriods to cut the inflammation. But she still hasn't stopped smoking even though she's extremely proud of only smoking three times a day. She isn't willing to tell me what stage her COPD is at, and I'm very scared for her because she's 65 and doesn't appear to have much of a desire to finally quit cigarettes. She just keeps saying she deserves her COPD and continues the bad behavoir that led up to it.
2. What is something you accomplished today, and what was something difficult from today?
I cooked breakfast, that's about it. I haven't done much that was important today because I've been swamped with worry over my mother. It was difficult to go back and forth with my mother via text, and then call my elder sister to ask her if she knew what was up, and possibly what stage our mother's COPD has reached.
3. What does "self worth" mean to you?
Self worth is a personal measure of what I believe I can give others, and what makes a valued friend. I know it ties into self-esteem, which I don't really have much of right now.
I smiled as soon as I saw your name. I have missed seeing your name pop up. I am sorry that you are so worried about your mom. It sounds like she has pretty low self esteem herself. What kinds of things can you do to build your own?@integrityblues
@bestVase7265
hello, how are you?
@bestVase7265
I've missed our little chats.
I suppose a good start to building up my self-esteem is to challenge my negative or inaccurate thinking. For example, I spent most of yesterday seesawing between thoughts like "If I don't get my mother to stop smoking she will die more quickly from her COPD, and then it will partially be my fault" and "I must be making my mother upset by pressing the issue, I'm not being a kind enough daughter."
I'm not responsible for my mother's actions or choices, and it won't be my fault if her condition grows worse because of those choices. Also, I'm doing the best I can by remaining in contact with her, so she can feel comfortable enough to reach out to me or my other siblings when she wants to speak to us.
You definitely have the right way of thinking in your final paragraph. However, that way of thinking isn't easy to keep going because you care and want to help. I totally get it. Somehow you have to convince yourself that you are caring enough and doing everything that you can right now because you are.
All you can really do is ask her if she wants your help in quitting. Tell her that you believe in her ability to do even better while praising her for how far she has already cut back. @integrityblues
I want to get better with my depression but I can’t since my sister has a boyfriend and i want one too but I haven’t found anyone yet and I feel sad and alone and I just feel like crying and I don’t really like my life anymore
Depression can be really hard because of how it warps your brain. I am so sorry that your sister's relationship is making you imagine that she is always happy and you aren't. Relationships aren't perfect either. They also don't drop from the sky usually. Keep working on other hobbies and work and making sure you are secure and happy in yourself. Love from others begins by loving you. @Clairebear233
Thank you I’m trying to love myself but it’s hard since I’m not looking forward to things in my life anymore ( not so much anyways)
@integrityblues
I have to say something because I've been in almost exactly the same situation. My mom is your mom's age, and I went through this gradually. My mom got diagnosed earlier on and let the depression feed her into worse levels of COPD (I don't know how bad hers is either, but it's either stage 3 or 4). My entire life I was trying to help her with her pessimism and smoking and she never got any better. I don't know what happened though. One visit with her doctor finally changed things about a year ago, and it only took her a couple of months to drop smoking entirely. She is so much more lively now that it's absurd, even though she's having trouble not being able to get around. That said... I wish I knew what to offer... Besides maybe that it can get better to some extent. You're doing what you need to, and you're sending the message that you care and love her. That counts for something regardless.
Hey, lovely people!💚 1. I'm doing better now. Still learning how to manage myself, coping and fighting through my days... 2. I've had some family gathering i was affraid of. It was perfectly ok, exhausting, but ok. 3. Self worth, that's the thing I constantly trying to find, not that I am very successful in that matter...🙃
It is so nice to hear that you are having a good week! Keep up the excellent work. @versatilePear4061
@fairyava
1. Hey, I am doing great - thank you so much. How are you?
2. Today, I was successfully able to write an article and submit it on time which felt like impossible at first.
3. To me, self-worth is equals to setting healthy boundaries and indulging in self-care. ❤ How about ya? What do you think?
@lyricalAngel70
Hey , if you don't mind me asking , are u a writer ? Asking since u mentioned about posting an article in point no 2 ...hence ...
Finishing an article is excellent! You should be really proud of yourself. @lyricalAngel70
@bestVase7265
Thank you so much, dear. How have you been? How are your parents? I hope they are in good health and happiness. ❤
1. I’m not doing great. Everyone hates me right now for a reason that I don’t think is totally fair because the people who are mad don’t have anything to do with it. My boyfriends telling me that all our friends are telling him to break up with me. His response was well I need time to think about it. Why is he even concerned with what they are saying? Sure listen to their opinions but you’re ultimate decision should be what you want not what they want. The more I try to fix it the more people just hate me so. 2. I made it through the night without hurting myself. I’m still upset, but I woke up this morning. Something difficult is that I can’t actually get up. 3. Self worth to me is knowing I am worthy of love from others and knowing that I have value on this earth.
I am sorry that friends are sending your life into a bit of turmoil at the moment. But your answer to the self worth question is key - you are worthy of love no matter what.@cyanSea789
Hapappy Sunday! QOTD: "Worrying about something before it happens makes you twice as exhausted."
Very true. @joyousHug4511
Happy Monday!
@joyousHug4511
Happy Monday to you too!
I'm just tired today. I have lots of things that are up in the air and lots of things that have been depressing me.
So far my mom hasn't responded well to my latest suggestion that since its Monday, she try to have one less cigarette than her usual 3-5 a day.
I forced myself to get in contact with my job developer even though I don't know what's happening with my health. He'll be back to work next week, so I'm giving myself this week to try and get things in order and have a conversation about what my job searching should look like as this stuff is happening.
You are focusing yourself on what you can control. That is good. You have made a good suggestion to your mom but she is the only one who can act on it.
I can understand being tired, but you are doing a good job in balancing your health and the job hunt.
I am really exhausted myself so I apologize for not being as long as usual. I had dental surgery this morning that will take some time to recover from.@integrityblues
@bestVase7265
I hope that you feel better from your surgery.
Actually it is pretty bad today with the pain, but I am trying just like I know that you are. @integrityblues
@bestVase7265
Do whatever feels best and take it easy. I've heard that using an icepack can be helpful, 15 minutes on 15 minutes off, along with oct pain meds.
Did the ice pack day one the way that they ordered it. The stitches got removed today and that was pretty hard. Hopefully I will be able to start eating again now though. Hoping for a better tomorrow. @integrityblues
@fairyava
1. Not great today. I feel really alone. It feels like I just make people uncomfortable at best lately, and I don't even know why usually.
2. I apologized to a friend for not making it out to help him sooner. I don't even know if I'll get a reply...
3. See, I don't even know how to define self-worth anymore. I can't get it from others... I'm afraid to even reach out anymore. But I definitely can't get it from myself. I try to leave things better than I found them... I try to make a good difference, and I like to make people laugh. But I've also done a lot of other things too. Things I can't take back and will never be at peace with. It makes me hope that I can just erase it all eventually. Erase me, so that nobody ever had the joys or agonies of dealing with me, and they would never even know what was missinh... And then recycle what should have been. I want to be reborn into a different existence. If I don't take anything from this one with me, it's for the best. Not saying that I'm feeling self-destructive, I'm just profoundly sad at the realization that these scars are just going to get more painful every time they reopen.
So sorry that you are struggling so much. Scars heal a bit more each time they are reopened as well. It is a long, painful process that we often can't see an end to, but it does get better over time.
It can be really hard when you feel like you are bothering the world when you want to be helping it. But your brain is lying to you when it says that you are not helping the world. You really are just in your desire to do so. You are helping friends just by being there and apologizing when you can't be.
Keep pushing forward and ignoring the negative voices. You can do this. @Torean
1. I’m doing fine. 2. I do feel a bit more motivated to do things that I love again which is a great improvement for me. What was difficult for me today was getting out of bed which sounds silly but it’s so difficult for me to get out of bed and start my day. 3. Self worth is when you believe that you have a purpose to live on.
That doesn't sound stupid to me at all. The morning is the worst for me too. Getting out of bed can be a real challenge. Give yourself victory points each time that you do it.@sadoorah
@fairyava
I felt too depressed to go to the gym but i forced myself to go and i only lasted 10 minutes and i came back home and i felt so bad but i reminded myself that today is just a bad day and it doesn't mean im a failure, it was just a bad day.
Wait...you made it to the gym on a bad day? That is a triumph, not a defeat. Even 10 minutes is excellent. You are fighting a really hard battle. @Tamy4210
this made my day, thank you so much♥️
I really meant it. I don't even go to the gym because it is too overwhelming. I do try to walk a bit each day and count that as enough. Sometimes getting out of bed is a triumph. Your brain will always tell you otherwise, but you are doing what needs to get done. @Tamy4210
proud of you for dealing with this daily♥️