Loneliness is impacting my work
I don't know how many times i'm gonna create the same topic or talk about it with a listener. It doesn't help. Nothing seems to help but i need to at least vent for now.
I feel a crushing loneliness every single day. I have been diagnosed with depression and i'm nearly at the max dose of my antidepressants.
They keep me somewhat sane during the day so i can get my work done which i truly love and enjoy.
I felt a bit better when i started working there since i also really enjoy being with my coworkers and it made me forget about this horrible feeling for a while... at least until i'm home and it all begins anew.
In all my lifetime i haven't been loved one single time and it pains me to even see a picture of a couple by now. Sadly when a new coworker joined a year ago as the time went by i fell for her and of course in the end i got rejected.
It was to be expected. I don't even know why i felt surprised by this... i just got my hopes up since we talked a lot and have many things in common. i'm still being eaten up by guilt and the pain of rejection. Now i also feel lonely and worthless when i'm at work.
Basically i'm no longer at peace anywhere. I feel like *** all the time. I try my best to keep concentrated but i can't stand this much longer.
I'm afraid to make mistakes. I'm afraid of what happens if i have to endure another year of this. I'm stressed. I'm lonely and i'm scared to go to sleep since in my dreams i'm haunted by nightmares of having a loving relationship only to wake up and feel crushed yet again.
Everything is constant stress and i don't want this to impact my work space. So far i haven't made any mistakes but it's only a matter of time now...
I hope someone takes the time to answer... i don't know what to do anymore.
Being lonely, is the scariest thing. It's so difficult to come out of it and to love yourself despite the fact that you don't feel love is almost impossible.
I would say, find another job. While looking for a job, save up some money, and do something you like. Maybe bag packing or mountain climbing. Find a hobby which will keep you around new people. For the time being, don't focus on getting into relationships or don't think about it for now. Just meet people, have no expectations. When you find a new job, leave the old job and move. Continue will the hobby. One day, you'll love yourself more and you'll have friends who love you and someone special will come by at the right time.
@eternallyworthless
not sure how the forum will take this, but i suggest either going to the gym or playing video games
you don't have to break your back in the gym, but it will give you discipline and a chance to meet others
video games, especially online games, other than occupying your time, they can provide a community for you. pick something where your character develops over time and people relations is central to the game, like world of warcraft. stay away from adversarial solo games like CSGO or league of legends, they tend to enrage and increase lonliness
@imposter11591
Gym depresses me because it is just no fun for me and i'd only go there for the faint hope that someone may like me.
Videogames have ruined my life. I got into an gaming addiction when i was like 12 with runescape and played my life away. I have been gaming ever since which made me miss on so many things i should have experienced.
I know you mean well.. but to *** with videogames. no more.
@eternallyworthless ive got some cold hard truth opinions that I won't share in order to not offend, from what I read of your posts I can answer your question on how do you know someone wants you. The answer to that is your employed! Your job wanted you, there are so many who likely failed to get that job outnofnall of them they hired you and they haven't fired you. They probably see value in you that you aren't aware of yourself. If you tapped in to your value and shared it with the world others would have a chance to see it as well. But for that to happen you have to do things and explore things. That's just my opinion
@affableTown5581
You can give me the cold hard truth. I hardly can get offended by words anymore
@eternallyworthless I think maybe helping others might make you feel better and doing something difficult to make you feel accomplished, something you want to do. Sometimes people think of them lseoves as nice and wonder why they get dealt a bad hand but in order to really be a nice person you have to have a track record of doing good for others selflessly. If you put in some hours volunteering or helping at an animal shelter or tutoring or what not the people you help will know your nice and thank you and treat you better for it. But that's all my opinion for all I know you already do all that. Also good diet and exercise goes a very long way
@affableTown5581
do you really think a person like me can help others? i have nothing to offer but bad life experiences.
Maybe its, simply that, what others need ...to know that you have experienced the same as them, and like that, you can be emphatic and understand them more than others that have not been through that.
So, in conclusion, you and all of you here, in this forum, can be a great help for others,....
think that you are helping me too.. so thx for being there and sharing your sad story with me.
Big hug from Spain.
@eternallyworthless any person can help others. You have a job so you have money, give a homeless person 100 bucks, bam you just helped someone, if have working arms and legs I'd assume, volunteer for people in need. Google different volunteering opportunities near you. Someone near you or someone you know having issues paying bills offer to pay their bill for them and lighten their load. Coworker that doesn't have transportation, offer them a ride if they're a safe person to be around. You can offer resume building advice to people in need of work since you were able to get a job yourself. People need A LOT of help. Most people can hardly stay afloat in this economy, many people are lonely and some people just need someone to talk to..for ex you can volunteer at a nursing home and just talk to lonely elderly people. Even if you were the devil himself you'd still have A LOT to offer people help wise as long as your were willing to do the work. The more you help people the more positive experiences you'll have as well.
Hi,
You seem a bit like me in the way that you have a tendency to over-analyse everything. It also seems like your thoughts are so caught up in the future that you're struggling to focus on the present. I can tell that this has been something that's been on your mind for a while, so of course it's putting a lot of stress on you.
I felt really overwhelmed, stressed and anxious towards the end of high school as I remember that I would personalise every negative thought I had. If one negative situation happened, I would blame it on myself as well as worry incessantly about how I was going to handle future situations (social anxiety). I was so far removed from my old self and I used to feel guilty about the fact that I had changed from the way I used to be. (Now I know that of course I changed because that's just what happens as we grow older!) I also felt like things would never get better...
It took a long time but after challenging my negative thoughts and literally just not thinking about it, I've come so far since and I feel so much better. I know that it seems like we are so different from other people but we all have the potential to get better. I find that acceptance also helps with dealing with things. Just accepting that it is what it is and not giving it any more attention.
I noticed you said something about trying to figure out the problem but the reality is, it's just feelings. Your brain will trick you into thinking that it's coming up with a solution for what's happening in a rational manner, but the truth is, it's just creating a bigger problem by reinforcing negative thought patterns. Those thought patterns create the negative feelings and sometimes vice versa. My Psychology teacher described depression as a door in our mind that everyone has, and the more we think negatively, the more that door opens and makes us view ourselves as more vulnerable than we are. You are so much stronger than you think!! Don't let your mind bully your body ♡
I'm a big overthinker in the way that sometimes, if I struggle to deal with something, I think that I won't be able to handle the future - but it's just a mental fallacy. Loneliness isn't a good feeling but I promise you that other people might seem like they have amazing social lives but most people feel the same loneliness for some period of their lives. Give yourself the space to simply be.
Obviously, it's important to socialise and connect with people and I'm proud of you for reaching out ♡ Stop searching for a solution. You aren't different. You aren't broken. You aren't alone. This is a way that you can show yourself self - love: don't feed into the negative thoughts by letting them poison your mind. It's difficult to shift your thought patterns but a little progress each day makes a BIG difference long-term. And remember that other people's reactions to you is not a true reflection of who you actually are. Only you will ever know the whole story of you.
♡♡♡ So, just be you - that's all that matters. ♡♡♡
@dazydeer2701
That genuinely made me tear up while i was reading through it. Thank you so much for those kind words. 🥹
Yeah i take every little failure to heart way too much. When i got rejected i couldn't stop to think about what is wrong with me for an eternity. I still do... but i hope to get over this soon.
Just accepting that i'm gonna be alone forever doesn't sound like something i want to do. If you mean just not accept that some things cannot be changed that sounds actually good but how do i do that? my thoughts pretty much scream every little mistake or flaw at me constantly.
I see you are a listener but it's not possible to send you a message? i wish i could talk to you a bit and properly thank you for taking the time to type all this.
That's okay, if you join the chat queue now, maybe it'll show up and let me accept you?
Actually, you could type my name into Find Listener instead.
@dazydeer2701
it doesn't show up for some reason. also on your profile there is no leave message button. did you deactivate it maybe?
@dazydeer2701
hm that really sucks. :(
can i write your name in the 'chat now' field or something so you can accept it?
You could join the chat queue and it might let me accept you?
* @eternallyworthless *
@eternallyworthless I'm kinda new, my situation that led me to join I dont want to share. However i want to say i have feelings that relate to this in ways.
Focus less on the mistakes, those dont matter as much unless its to someone you care about more.
Love is hard when you've been crushed alot despite how much you try and give. I wish I had anything to say besides relation foe this but know your not alone. Its really hard for me to open up too, to look. I even have a hard time finding people i'm attracted to. If you need someone and i'm free i'll gladly talk to you.
@GenexionX
i'd gladly talk to you.
we also have more in common that just our situation:
"I like gaming, art, and peace."
Even though i have stopped gaming so i can focus on art and get a bit more outside (it didnt work) i still like to talk about gaming a lot. Also everyone loves peace i suppose. ^^
@eternallyworthless Oh yeah peace, sometimes despite wanting to be around people i like or hear/talk to them- i need the peace/quiet for my head n stuff, crowded thoughts with everythibg else sucks.
Gaming is a big passion if mine, i love all typea of games really, besides sports ones.
Art im getting back into, im nowhere as good as I used to be but thats ok- i draw on paper for now, i'm saving for alot of stuff at the moment.
@eternallyworthless
Feeling alone is totally valid. It sucks but don't worry. You matter. You're important and don't forget it. We're here to listen if you need it.