Feeling "Less than"
In general I am happy with my job, yet today our manager invited the team to share their goals for 2025, expecting few words from everyone.
However, the first person shared directly the slide with their objectives subject to evaluation and bonus, the other 2 followed and then it was my turn.
I literally zoned out, realizing that the yearly bonus I could reach is 33% less than the others' bonus. I stopped listening still the first colleague. Just as in the past, I felt the need to run and hide, I felt like I was less than the others, unrecognized, not appreciated.. My old programming was running me. The one that made me leave other jobs without even sharing the reasons. Feeling insulted and small... Gosh, I felt so bad.
But I said to myself: you know you are enough. You know you are equally important. You are not a victim and you can't stand victim mentality.
Then I collected myself, hid the part referring to my bonus and shared only my goals with the team. By doing so I believe I also protected my boss from being exposed - obviously the only woman in the team of four is subject to smaller bonus and likely a smaller salary too. So I swallowed it and finished the meeting.
I still have this bitter feeling but I also want to address the situation in a professional manner. Not blaming, nor acting as a victim, not running as before.
I would like to remain open, to communicate and to ask for what I think I deserve.
Thank you for letting me share!
Any advice from the corporate world is welcome :)
awww hi hi @Dossema
first off, huge hugs your way💜
i just want to say, reading through your post, i can so feel the strenght and self-awareness you're showing here, and honestly? that is something to be SO proud of!
it's completely understandable to feel the way you did in that moment, comparison can hit hard, especially in a professional setting. but the way you took a step back, reminded yourself of your worth and handled it with such grace is seriously inspiring💪
i love how you're thinking ahead and wanting to address this in a professional, non-victim way. it shows so much growth and courage and i have no doubt you're going to handle this beautifully!
and hey, you are absolutely enough. your value isn't measured by bonuses or slides, it's in the dedication and passion you bring every day. know you're not alone in this journey
so glad you shared this, i'm rooting for you all the way!🥰
Thank you, dear! Your beautiful message made my day 🥰
I feel better today and I am already preparing mentally for the upcoming meeting with the management.
No matter what happens next, I will stand up for myself. No one else will 😉
@Dossema
ohhh love to hear that, Dossema!💜
your mindset is amazing and i'm so proud of you for embracing it!
sending tons of strenght your way🥰
@Dossema
this imo was the perfect example of a reason to stand up and ask for what you want/ deserve....Â
i think we think about people making more or like you said their bonus potential is 33% higher.
Now is not "I am leaving"Â although i did that a few times.. too. it is a clear point to sit down with supervisor and show them interesting presentations ... "I noticed presenter A makes a good deal more if the bonus opportunity can you explain what is the path so my compensation is more in line?"
 Coming into practical an not accusing or calling sexism is more proactive.  I am also whomever outlined presentations would have that included for this very reason. bringing up and shining a light on pay discrepancies is often discouraged by HR Â
