Update?
Howdy,
I felt the urge to write on here. BD1 diagnosis 5 + years and it's been a roller coaster, to say the least. I have been on a new medication Abilify for a little over a month with some positives like minor suppression of my irritability/anger. I have a doc appt here soon on the 19th with a new doctor (due to insurance) and am eager to see his thoughts/direction.
I quit my last job in March of this year in a severely agitated manic state. My unemployment just ran out from it (My employer was nice enough to lay me off). On top of that, I have 4 more months until my driver's license comes off suspension from a DUI in July 2022 (still ashamed of that) - so that makes a job nearly impossible until then. I fear quite often what I am going to do once my license comes back. I have a bachelor's degree and some experience in a few industries but there are gaps in my resume from 3 episodes in the last 5-6 years. You start to lose hope because you know more episodes are coming. The unpredictability of a work environment + the instability that comes out over time is a scary mix. It's not fun not knowing where money will come from or if you can even work all together consistently for it to matter.
Lastly, I am 28 years old and live at home with my parents and I am very insecure about this. Friends of mine I grew up with are buying houses... It humiliates me that I haven't been able to succeed independently, but I don't see it any other way with the severity of some of my episodes. These days, I journal and workout a lot. I spend time with my pup and try to keep calm while time passes. It's tough, but it's been worse. If you took the time to read this, thank you.