How do you find having Bipolar?

@redhailstone

Gives this a bump for you for others with related experience to chime in!

I'm looking for the same thing. I was diagnosed a little over a year ago and very few people know I'm bipolar. My friends who know are generally supportive, within their limited scope of understanding. It's hard to explain to them why I'm having a depressive episode if I have missed any doses of medicine.

The non-direct messaging that I'm getting from my closest friend is that she isn't going to be there for me when I'm in a state that she doesn't want to deal with. That is what led me here this afternoon. I'm looking for other people like me to talk with. By reading the threads, I'm thinking that this might be the right place. 😊

I'm here for you

I feel you.

What helps me sometimes is to remember the time before the diagnosis and the severe episodes.

Since then, l've also been able to experience so many wonderful moments. It grounds me a little when I'm not enough for myself again.

The fact that people on the outside can't see inside our heads and minds can also be very demotivating.

That's why I want to share more with people with this "disorder" (or "talent").

In my country ( Germany ) I still feel very stigmatized and problematic. Whereas in Switzerland or the USA, I have the feeling that people also recognize the opportunities of a bipolar life.

I've lived with bipolar disorder for 23 years and managed it well most of the time. But right now, I'm in a depression season that's going into its 3rd week. Before 2017, my mood swings were in a predictable pattern and rhythm: 2 weeks up and 4 weeks down. During the up, I would sleep less, have more energy and ideas, and life was good. During the down mood swings, it'd feel like mild depression. I've been good about staying on meds, seeing a therapist, and doing healthy habits. 

And once every 3-5 years or so, I hit a stressful incident and then it takes me 6-9 months of intensive recovery. One of the hardest crisis was in 2017.

I've had long stretches for months when I can manage well and don't have to struggle with mood swings. The struggles is hardest when it takes an enormous effort to think, to be productive, or to function. 

Happy to respond to any questions and comments, as I have time & energy.

@djchuang I am living with a bipolar husband how can I help him he stopped talking to me since 2 days ago

mayb it helps to write him a short letter or a postcard ..or a note.

„ hey darling…i feel that you are struggeling and i know that you know that i am always there for you.

i can imagine that it drags you down when i repeat it again and again. But : i am here . I love you. The whole man . And your humor. I am not ashamed by anything. so you don‘t have to be ashamed of really nothing either. So if you want me to make a step to your direction… send me a twinkle, or a sweet clap, or play somehow, somewhere a song that you like. ;-)

Your Partner in crime…your beloved wife and friend…“Name“

I’d be happy to discuss, too.  I was diagnosed a little over 10 years ago.  I cycle very slowly…mania and psychosis for weeks or months, and equally long depressions.  Then there have been many times (months, and even years) of priceless stability.  But my last manic episode crushed my marriage and my husband and I separated.  That was almost two years ago, though it feels like yesterday.  I’ve been stable for months now, but I struggle with regret and shame over things I did/said in my last episode.  

What would you like to talk about?

I have had this diagnosis for over 30 years and I have learned a lot about my illness. It’s a part of me but it is not all of me!!

Me 2 that's true

It's difficult at times but with medications it's manageable.

I obviously have bipolar as well. I was diagnosed when I was 18 and I’m now 23. It’s been extremely hard for me. At the moment I’m pretty stable with medication that works mostly for me but I’m pretty depressed and lonely. I feel like bipolar ruined my end of school and has made having friends difficult. I had two really bad psychotic manic episodes two years ago and the year before that. Anyway, I mainly feel really angry and frustrated because my manic episodes have caused me to become very risk averse and doing normal tasks in my life is really hard and I feel envious of my sisters who don’t have bipolar

I have friends with other disorders (autism, PBD, adhd, etc) so we help each other out.

I'm a rapid cycling bipolar 1 type person. Mania for a few (2-4) days, full blown flight of ideas, zero impulse control, substance abuse, then I crash and go into depression. Sometimes I swing right back into the mania without any normalcy break in between mood shifts.

I'm on Vraylar, Zoloft and 2 benzos (highly regulated and never abused)

@redhailstone  

For me, having bipolar is very overwhelming. It affects my everyday life including my relationship with my boyfriend. On some days, the highs and the lows seem impossible to manage. I am trying to find coping mechanisms and am writing down tips. I'm looking forward to connecting with other individuals that have bipolar so we can support each other and off tips and advice to help us manage of lives. 

I can relate to you, I struggle in my relationship even when things are great. I have a lot of anxiety around my diagnosis and things I did and said when I was manic. I’m managing a lot better now but I still have regrets and they weigh on me. DBT has helped me tremendously, I got the DBT workbook for Bipolar and it has helped me find those coping skills. I really like opposite action, where if you’re feeling fear/anxiety and it leads you to turn away or hide instead try to do the opposite. Thanks for sharing 😊

@redhailstone I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2016. There was a bit of substance abuse before that. I remember going through a long depressive episode that put a great strain on my ability to study at uni. I would regularly have violent panic attacks that would leave me completely drained and in need of lots of rest. Then there was the big manic episode with delusions and inability to sleep and it prompted me to ask my mom (I lived with her back then) to take me to the hospital. I got taken into urgent care and they gave me something that made me sleep. I was put on a heap of different medications and spent 1 month in the hospital. When I got out I had regular appointments with a psychiatrist, a psychologist and steadily put on about 45 lbs (+20kg). The weight gain made it hard for me to want to stay on medication and I stopped taking my meds, which is a big no-no. At the end of 2017 I ended up in the hospital again. I've been in and out for varying lengths of time. What I'd consider to be the major issues would be the suicide attempts and alcoholism. To this day I'm terrified that I could one day end my own life. But I'm happily 1 year 1 month and 10 days sober. I'm currently taking Risperidone and Laroxyl (small enough dosages) and recently started having panic attacks again, although they are rare. The suicidal thoughts are back and so are the times when my brain "runs out of happy". 

I find solace in thinking that I'm the only one in my family who struggles with mental health issues, hopefully I've hogged all the insanity and my sisters and other relatives can go on to live fulfilled lives ☺️

Thank you for asking this question :) This quick overview of my sanitary situation has been very freeing 

Having bipolar disorder is rough, but it's manageable. Mood swings are challenging for me. It makes it difficult for me to spend long periods of time with people. The hypomania is also hard, but it can be productive during certain situations. I just try to remind myself that everything will be okay.

It's really tough. I had psychosis last year and had to stay in hospital, I've been home about 3 months but now I'm in a very depressed mood. I've had bipolar for over 20 years and I go through depressive moods then I can be stable for months, then I can go through a high mood and it seems to cycle every 4 years where I have psychosis so I've had many hospital stays. My psychosis comes on really fast and severe and I don't recognise just how unwell I am. I've lost many friends and a marriage because of this illness, I live on my own now and life is very lonely to be honest.

@turquoiseSkies9545

Do you see a counselor and when you say every 4 years and really fast, is that taking meds religiously every day? No judge. Just trying to help

@redhailstone Hi. It's like being on a broken wooden boat in the middle of the ocean.

Thank you for all the help and suopoer , i have biploar ,bpd and MDD 

I got diagnosed in my 40s (pretty late lol) but now the past 25 years have started to make sense and I am happy about that. I knew that it wasn’t just depression (like some doctors have tried to tell me). I guess I feel vindicated now and happy that the medicine I take puts me to sleep for 7 hours. I haven’t slept so good until now.

hello frendo, …got the diagnoses 2021

I've had a steady partner for 6 months now. And guess what she is struggling with? 

Who would like to talk about this? 

Speaking for myself, the biggest problem is constant self-control. She controls almost every moment of my life

I feel you.What helps me sometimes is to remember the time before the diagnosis and the severe episodes.Since then, l've also been able to experience so many wonderful moments. It grounds me a little when I'm not enough for myself again.The fact that people on the outside can't see inside our heads and minds can also be very demotivating.That's why I want to share more with people with this "disorder" (or "talent").In my country ( Germany ) I still feel very stigmatized and problematic. Whereas in Switzerland or the USA, I have the feeling that people also recognize the opportunities of a bipolar life. And i think that a bit of Humor can be helpful as well. For example a Portion Self-Ironie or black Humor. When that takes Place in a forum like this than i think i can handle it …and smile or laugh honestly.

@redhailstone

I've learned to see my bipolar disorder as a-kin to having a sleeping disorder that can affect my emotional stability.  I am always medication compliant and I try to get at least seven hours of sleep each night.  I try to avoid other substances such as alcohol and drugs.  I found that this approach can compensate for about 80% of my symptoms and help me achieve relative stability.  For the remaining 20% of symptoms, I practice Dialectal Behavior Therapy on myself.  I found that mindfulness, staying in the present, and distress tolerance very relevant to my bipolar stability.

@redhailstone hi wanna talk 

Felt. Heard. Seen.

I wasn’t diagnosed until a few years ago in my mid twenties. I’ve struggled to be able to self regulate and stick to my medication and it has cost me.

I’ve lately had this clarity where I look back and can track where it has uprooted what could have been a very good life.

@redhailstone

i have a different concept of being bipolar........i am bipolar because i am a strong empath i feel other peoples emotions around me like there my own....after some 30 years ive learned to manage my own emotions and the others from other people i can now tell the difference between the two..

It's hard to keep going, I'm currently in a depressed mood.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at 20 (21 now). I’ve been learning how to cope with my symptoms through both research and my experiences with them. My depression mostly appears in the form of extreme apathy, but even then I can get basic tasks done (while avoiding too much interaction with others). The biggest issue at the moment is my hypomania, which leads to me not knowing whether I want something because I want it or if it’s a symptom of my condition. This applies to my relationships with others, my interests and aspirations, and all money related expenditures. I try my best to keep learning more and more about possible triggers for hypomania and depression in order to reduce the amount of episodes and the severity of episodes I have. I continue to find the most solace in my friends which I have also found to have bipolar disorder. They understand me, I can relate to them, things that most people wouldn’t be able to understand even if they did a whole lot of research. But, I still realize my duty to let those I care about of my condition and make sure they’re properly informed to mitigate and damages that may come of it. At one point I had to really consider whether I was using my condition as an excuse, and I didn’t want to have those thoughts anymore so I made changes to how I approached things. I’ll keep working hard to prove my worth and to make my quality of life and interactions better each and every time. I am Bipolar. Bipolar is not Me.

@redhailstone The stigma and hypocrisy are disheartening, to say the least.  I'm trying to take a step up in my spiritual group, and I was told that I was "flaky" and that they didn't want to be left holding the leadership load while I was out having mental breakdowns. So, if I'm out of the closet with my closest folks and get treated like that, what am I to expect with the rest of society? To make matters worse, I am already in a de facto leadership role--it's just not publicly acknowledged.  Any thoughts on how to address this?  Thanks!

@redhailstone An emotional roller coaster 

Being happy becomes a curse in bipolar disorder. Like I usually experience head ahes, memory problems, rapig thoughts sleeplessness when I'm happy or highly irritated.

Eventually I tried to express happiness in modest. I cut down noises, crowd, and isolate my self for a while then I get ok. If I don't then the happiness takes a turn into fights, rage with other along with drastic behaviours like talking a lot, spending alot. So happiness is always poison coated .

A rollercoaster

@redhailstone

First off, always take your meds. Just cuz you feel "fine" doesn't mean you can stop taking your meds. 

For me though bipolar means so many things. It means being aware of my moods. It means knowing if I'm going to run out of meds. It means never ever being ashamed of what is going on in your brain. Having your support people. Knowing limits. Knowing when to ask for help. Being honest with your support people and your providers. Coming to terms that this is a lifetime situation, not a battle. Just something you can manage and learn to treat and handle and cope with as long as you make an effort too. You have to try. Meds are not magic. You will struggle some days so much harder than others and still get told that you're being "irrational" or "maybe you are just manic/depressed" or "you're not thinking clearly". Anytime you screw up or get mad or forget or get sad or have a little bit more of emotion than what others think is "normal", they will just blame it on your bipolar disorder. You can control this to some extent. You have to be stronger than others. Slowly pull yourself out of the hole you're in and dig out of whatever you and others think you're in. If anything motivates you, let it be that you will show so many people, including those suffering, that we can and will succeed and function. 

If you get down that's ok. Start over. That's what I have to do. If I can't stop and I'm on a very rare manic episode I will go to my person and ask for help eventually. 

Lastly, having bipolar disorder or any mental illness feels like a curse. We can't sit and constantly feel sorry about it. At times yes we're allowed to though. But my point is that we have got to make our voices heard and not let anyone ever feel ashamed or that there is some stigma related to what is going on in their life. We all know how it feels and we all know how to help others.

That's how my illness affects me. I try to make sure others don't feel as ostracized as I did. And as others have. As labeled. Just helping one person one time could change their whole life. I know we've all felt it. This is hard but we got this. And I'm here for anyone who needs to talk. 

I find it tormenting. It upsides down my entire world. It took everything from me. Now, I am just trying to have things I once had

Terrible. At least with my personal experience/symptoms/struggles I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I feel like this disorder has single-handedly taken my life away.