My mother Hates me
Before my autistic diagnosis some years ago, I was always a girl who just thought she was quirky or nerdy or geeky and had some difficulties. After it...However, everyone around me changed. I had nothing to be sad about. I didn't understand the grief that people talk about with getting a diagnosis. What's there to be sad about? Im me. But... When I got my diagnosis i'll tell you what made me sad. My father told me he wished I hadn't had an autism diagnosis and my mother began to hate me. My mother grew mad at me. My mother was angry. I was depressed more by her sudden anger towards me than having a diagnosis. I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. She was making me fit into things I didn't want. So I snuck what I liked to college. Clothes, food, anything I wanted I just.... Honestly I stopped liking myself. I hated myself because of her and my dad. I just.... I didn't want get out of bed, I didn't want to live. And nothing has changed. The pandemic made me suffer more and they made me feel suffocated. Every day even now I feel stifled with their unkindness and their cruel words about my clothes and my habits, my likes and my friends and everything. Im old enough to be on my own but they won't even consider that. Life has me at its standstill. I feel alone in this. And saddened more than I can express. My mother hates me. My family doesn't understand. Im surrounded by ignorance every day and they make me wish I wasn't autistic. If I don't often talk about it its nevertheless because of them.
@ThePoetandthePen
Hello,
My name is Day here on 7Cups, I am so sorry you had such verbal abuse and are still dealing with the unfair mistreatment!~ I'm much older now but I didn't realize my mother and my x wife are both Narcissists, and my counselor has taught me about the damage those types of people can inflict to our self-esteem, and our self-worth! I can tell you are smart and are at the point in your life where you now realize how important self-care is. 5 years ago I began my mental health journey, I'm a veteran that saw war back in 1982 and I never knew how badly it affected me. Back then there was no mention of PTSD or any types of mental health in the military service. It was looked down upon so nobody ever mentioned it and there was no help available. I spent about 37 years after Beirut struggling and all the time thinking I was crazy and I self medicated with drugs and alcohol, so I added to my problems with addiction issues. &cups is so very helpful!~ I've been on this site for years now and I have met many very caring people. They say if you have a lot of bad people around you, Get new people! We cannot chose our family but we can choose who we associate with and most of my dearest friends are closer to me than my real family. Imagine not realizing my mom was a narcissist until I was about 54 years old. I was to close to see the emotional manipulation she was so good at. I no longer speak to my mother because of her poisonous disposition. It's all about survival! (SURVIVAL) We MUST become our own best friend and learn how we think and figure out an optimistic perception. To live in fear is to not have lived at all
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Blessings, Day
Hi there and thank you for reaching out, I know it’s not something everyone finds easy to do. I’m sorry to hear about the lack of support from your parents following your autism diagnosis. Do you know why this might be? Fear of stigma, not actually knowing what ASD is? Maybe they see autism as an excuse? Seeing themselves somehow through this? Once you have some idea of their reasons, it may help you work out where to go next.
I can completely understand you feeling alone with this, but please know there are people who care. Sending a ((hug)) it sounds like you need one right now .
By sharing your story I hope you’re able to see that there are plenty of other people out there who share your frustrations 🌹
