How to take a break from masking?
Hello everyone I’ve been a lurker here for quite some time and I appreciate what everyone does here and contributes. Unfortunately I mask almost all of the time. Like to everyone, to therapists, people online, and even to myself when I’m alone sometimes. Half of this message is a product of me masking (albeit not as much as usual). I say this because I’m just always scrutinizing every little thing I do, say, and write and it’s so so tiring. I think it’s just been a survival mechanism and it still is to some extent. It used to be so helpful but now I think it’s just making me sick (mentally and physically). I feel awful and I think this is why I’m nearly always tired and miserable. I don’t know how to stop, though. I try to stop but it’s like second nature where I even mask unmasking (like pretending to unmask in a “socially acceptable” way if that makes sense??) I’ve been doing it for my entire life and it feels like I cannot give myself a break or else everything will fall apart. I’m not sure anymore. I am terrified of change but I know the way I’m living is not sustainable. Has anyone else felt this way? I could use whatever advice anyone can provide.
@toadofstool
It is hard to break a lifelong habit... masking is something almost everyone does every now and then ... think meeting people the first time many put their best version of self forward etc...
The only issue when people do it all the time is where is the line between the real you and the one you are pretending to be.... i feel i cannot find happiness when i am not my authentic self.
I feel this is a habit that people do not wean slowly off but instead just pull off fast like a band-aid.
That’s so true thank you I’ll try to get that bandaid off
@toadofstool
Hello! I am actually in pretty much the same situation as you are. We mask ourselves just to protect ourselves most of the times. Although I can’t give you much advice since I am also in this situation. But I just want you to know that you are not alone. Your journey to recovery started when you came onto here. So I am glad you are on here to help yourself! All the best to you! 💕
Agh I’m sorry you’re going through this too but I really appreciate what you said I really do feel less alone<3 thank you so much and I’m glad you’re here too I wish you all the best :)
@toadofstool
Hey, i know how hard it is.
Maybe you could write a list of what masked you and then unmasked you looks like? maybe this could help you?
Super late reply because I forgot I had this account, but that’s a really good idea! It’ll probably force me to actually listen to my body and needs for once :’)
@toadofstool
woah you summed up exactly how I've been feeling for so long thank you
idk unmasking is so weird. like 'wdym just not try and change my face, voice, actions, everything? just exist? NOT force anything? It feels so wrong. I haven't tried many times cause its scary.
but im trying to focus on unmasking when I'm alone, and it's so hard cause it feels like I'm lying to myself every moment. but I constantly ask myself 'what do I want to do right now? not sit here still, that's what' so I start fidgeting in some weird way I don't let myself when I'm with others. It's going slow. but i think it's definitely possible
man, masking is so difficult. but it's even harder to stop, I feel you
I also try to remember that there's no single right answer to 'what do I want to do right now that isn't for the performance of it', meaning theres never going to be the "right" thing thats truly unmasked. all that matters is you're comfortable and it's for you, not for anyone else
idk if that makes sense at all but I'm here if you wanna talk about that more, still in awe how relatable that was, I understand and am here to chat if you want :)
Bruhh that makes total sense and I wish you luck with the unmasking! It’s been ages since I posted that and I’m still running into similar problems :’) really good tips btw and thanks! I’m here to chat too albeit a very late response because I forgot I had this account
