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toadofstool
1 654 M Embraced 5
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts29 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceApril 15, 2020
Recent forum posts
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How to deal with lack of support…
Eating Disorder Support / by toadofstool
Last post
 December 29th, 2023
...See more I am having trouble because I don’t have much access to professional help at the moment and most of the people in my life are not very understanding of what’s going on with me (I barely understand either) Since puberty I’ve struggled with my mental health and possibly binge eating disorder and at times other disordered eating/ behaviors. A lot of it stems from the really stupid societal beauty standards that are constantly pushed onto me from society but especially by my family. Specifically I love my sister and mom and they are supportive about a lot of things but they almost always are either neutral or negative about my body and blame me or shut down when I try to talk to them about it. I’ve actually had multiple periods of times where I thought they were finally understanding where I’m coming from and going through but pretty much every time a few weeks later they will make a comment that sends me into a shame spiral and makes me feel so so so awful. I know they’re going through a lot on their own and also have issues with their bodies but it feels so lonely especially because they often seem like a united front and I feel like I have no one especially over the holidays where I don’t see my friends all that much. I’m just so tired and sad by all this. My mom and sister are very important to me yet they hurt me and aren’t very responsive when I tell them. Maybe I should try harder to explain but I’m just so tired… I feel that I’ve made progress with my sense of self and body image but I feel so hurt by them and feel like they set me back quite often with their worldview and I have no clue how to deal with this…sorry for the rambling and if I didn’t follow the thread etiquette very well. I’m pretty new to posting and also kind of at my wits end. I hope whoever’s reading this is doing better
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How to take a break from masking?
Autism Support / by toadofstool
Last post
 December 11th
...See more Hello everyone I’ve been a lurker here for quite some time and I appreciate what everyone does here and contributes. Unfortunately I mask almost all of the time. Like to everyone, to therapists, people online, and even to myself when I’m alone sometimes. Half of this message is a product of me masking (albeit not as much as usual). I say this because I’m just always scrutinizing every little thing I do, say, and write and it’s so so tiring. I think it’s just been a survival mechanism and it still is to some extent. It used to be so helpful but now I think it’s just making me sick (mentally and physically). I feel awful and I think this is why I’m nearly always tired and miserable. I don’t know how to stop, though. I try to stop but it’s like second nature where I even mask unmasking (like pretending to unmask in a “socially acceptable” way if that makes sense??) I’ve been doing it for my entire life and it feels like I cannot give myself a break or else everything will fall apart. I’m not sure anymore. I am terrified of change but I know the way I’m living is not sustainable. Has anyone else felt this way? I could use whatever advice anyone can provide.
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