Teaching Listeners About Autism
👋 Hi Awesome People!!! 👋
As most of you may know, we are always looking for ways to help Listeners support members in the best way that they can! Sometimes Listeners come to Cups not really knowing about certain topics but eager to learn!
That's where you all come in! 🙌
What are some things that you wish Listeners knew about Autism?
This could be anything from knowing the basic description of what autism really is to the best ways to communicate during the chats!
Although some of you may have had negative experiences with Listeners, I ask that you please don't bring that on this thread! You can definitely turn those negative experiences into things that you would like to see Listeners say/do/know!
I'm always available in PMs is anyone has any questions or concerns about this!
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@beck1
how do know something from autism or different diagnosis ? What if want them do something but is not because autism ?
Hey @theboymoana ! Nice to see you! Hope you okay!
Autism have different behavior than other conditions meaning the doctors can tell it is Autism, for example sometimes you don't like people touching you and you feel scared want left alone, that example of people with autism, or get overwhelmed easy need alone time.
I think it would be great to have listeners understanding meltdowns better. Of course these look different on text than in person, but there are still things I think would benefit all.
- sometimes just random words, random emojis such as 😭 can be a meltdown. Just let it happen. Reassure you are there. Don't ask questions that require more than yes/no answers, and sometimes even this is too much.
- allow us to talk about autisitc traits. it is a part of us, it affects everything we do, its a big part of our lives, so if need be, let it be a big part of the conversation.
- I've heard a few times, I don't know how to talk to someone with autism. well, we are the same as every other human being. talk to us like you would anybody else. Often we have been through trauma and need lots of validation, we may apologise excessively, let us know how you feel/if we make you annoyed, because we often can't read between the lines to figure this out.
- please please don't be afraid of us.
- ask us questions, what would help, what wouldn't!
I can only speak for me and from what I've seen and experienced.
@teenytinyturtle
I absolutely agree! I think it would be awesome if Listeners had an even basic understanding of meltdowns!
Do you think it would be helpful if a Listener was talking to an autistic person and they saw then saying "😭" it would be best for the Listener to ask them if they need some time? What is the best way for Listeners to approach a meltdown, especially if the member starts shutting down?
Just so Listeners reading this may have a little more understanding, what kind of "autistic traits" might the member want to talk about?
I think people may say they don't know how to talk to autistic people because they maybe don't know a lot about autism itself. Thats why I made this thread so that hopefully Listeners can get a little more information 🙂 I definitely agreed with this though - "we are the same as every other human being. talk to us like you would anybody else"...
Thank you so much for such a detailed response to this thread! I know Listeners are going to really appreciate this!
@beck1
Again, I can only speak for myself. I think I'd rather the listener stayed with me. I think asking about the sensory/social stimulus around could be helpful? see if we can reduce. I think reassurance we are safe, and it is a safe space to unmask/have meltdown. maybe I'm talking nonesense, I don't know.
I guess it could be anything, from everyday senses, like going the shops is huge, to social events, changes in life/routine.
That’s sounds really good - your comment is not sounding the slightest bit unhelpful at all ❤️ Thank you for sharing this with us and being open :)
@beck1
Just know everyone with autism are not the same. Be patient. There are some that need more time with questions to answer. The questions how do you feel is a challenge for some.
My son is brilliant and yet he struggles with what feelings are called exactly the right one.
They also get sticky on topics and need to spend more time on them to process.
@SunShineAlwaysGrateful always lovely to see you!
I agree with you absolutely! All autistic's are not equal just like the general population is not all equal!
Feelings can be super tricky to navigate! So this can definitely be something that Listeners may come across if they are talking to an autistic person!
I appreciate your input here!
Yea different processing times and we need to be considerate of this ❤️
Some things I wish I knew about autism I can appreciate each exp is different - the brain chemistry vs those without ASD, why the tone of voice, prosody is different , family experiences of having a loved one with ASD, Is masking conscious or unconscious in ASD? Do people with ASD who don’t mask choose not to or are they unaware how others perceive them in relation to verbal , non-verbal communication? Do they feel everyone thinks, perceives like them? When you don’t mask how do you feel vs when you don’t with your ASD?
@goldenrulejg
Masking can be both conscious or unconscious. For exampleeee....
- from a very young age, we can tell we don't fit in, and do everything we can to figure out these untold rules, unconscious masking. Females are especially good at masking, which is why the average age of receiving a diagnosis is so much older.
Once we learn about our diagnosis, we can start to figure out who we are, and what is our masking. It is actually very hard to learn how to unmask (I got my diagnosis a year ago, at 17). Then it can begin to be a conscious decision. I choose to mask at interviews, when I'm instructing kayaking, and when I'm around new people. and often unconsciously inbetween.
I don't know a single autistic who doesn't mask so can't really answer some of your questions. Again, females are better at masking (this is scientifiy proven, not me being stereotypical).
I am very very aware of how people perceive me. Some of this is due to trauma from undiagnosed autism at school.
Masking is exhausting. It is pretty dangerous as we can end up in burnout, more frequent meltdowns or shutdowns (or if we mask these, more intense when they happen). When I can stim freely, it's literally like a physical happy feeling? Its hard to explain! When I am speaking to another autistic and I can just talk about my interests, not have a care in the world because I know they aren't judging me, its freeing.
I hope this helps.
Hey there @teenytinyturtle :) yeah so much research shows women engage in more masking behaviours with their ASD no matter how self-aware they are. It was lovely to learn from you and thank you for sharing your experience here and in the Pms ❤️☺️ I do wonder though can some people with ASD feel able to be and understand sarcasm sometimes because that’s a part of their culture to be sarcastic 🤔
@goldenrulejg
hehe I am the most sarcastic person most people know irl 😄😝🤣
but I often have to be told when someone is being sarcastic to me (:
🐢when I panic because of social interaction, it would be nice to receive some tips and tricks about how to approach it. A lot of times I don't know what is and isn't deemed acceptable.
🐢emojis help me to read the tone of the conversation and cute emojis bring me comfort
That's all I can think of :))
Noted epo - I think it’s about being open to making mistakes and inviting them in - nobody has perfect communication as much as it may seem people are sailing through it - self-depreciating humour maybe useful or even acknowledging too . That’s good that you love emojis - I do too :) It’s all good 👍
Yes I think there also can be a cultural clash , different things offend different cultures and it’s ok to ask too ❤️ There can be this pressure to have tip top communication
There is so much to consider and it’s tough - cultural etiquette , gender, religion, race , and it’s ok to ask the individual . ❤️
About meltdowns (or being stuck), my two cents and from my own (autistic) perspective:
I think that, when a person is in a Meltdown, at THAT moment, asking how they feel or go deep into their struggles, how and why, doesn't help much, since it's like a computer running out processing power. Opening more tasks (questions) only makes the computer struggle and freeze more and it won't respond. What DOES help, is first to reset the computer, to free up that processing power again.
This can be achieved by proposing doing a Breathing Exercise, naming things they see or hear, telling the person to use their coping tools etc. These can be sensory items they enjoy, or maybe taking pen and paper to draw or watching funny animal videos, maybe getting up and taking a glass, filling it up with water and drinking it. Whatever gets a person out of their current "stuck" state of mind helps in my personal experience with myself and others.
Noted indi - thank you for sharing what’s helpful for you
