Tips for people that are suffering from social anxiety
Hey there! Those of you who know me may know I have social anxiety. If you do not know me, hi I'm Cheeney! Like I said, I have social anxiety and I want to share some tips with you. I am currently in treatment with a psychologist for my social anxiety and depression, so what I want to share with you guys is partially things he said and partially things I realised through experience.
Alright, so I want to talk about 3 things; the root of your anxiety, what you do/do not do with your anxiety and acceptance of your anxiety.
First let's talk about the root of your anxiety. I think one of the most important things in overcoming your anxiety is understanding where it comes from. Only when you fully understand why you feel anxious in certain situations can you work on improving. Understand what you are feeling in those situations and dive deeper into those feelings. When you are feeling anxious, don't try to ignore that feeling (that doesn't work anyway) but rather face the feeling head on.This will be hard at first but it's key in understanding why you feel that way. For example, I often feel very anxious when I'm walking down the street. I get very conscious of the way I walk, and because of that I tend to stumble when walking sometimes, which makes me even more anxious.
When I notice I feel that way, I ask myself questions.
''Why am I so anxious about the way I walk?'' - because I'm afraid people will think I walk weirdly and start staring at me or make fun of me for it.
''Why am I so scared to be made fun of or stared at?'' - because then I'll feel embarassed and more people will judge me.
''What are the chances people will make fun of me?'' - chances aren't that big, there is nothing to gain for people if they make fun of me.
''Will it really impact my life that much if I feel embarassed?'' - no, it will hurt for some time but eventually I'll move on with my life and stop obsessing over it.
By asking myself these questions I realised a couple of things:
- My social anxiety mainly stems from my fear of being made fun of for being weird.
- Chances aren't that big people will actually make fun of me, there is nothing to gain for them.
- Even if they do make fun of me, I'll feel embarassed, it will hurt, but then I will move on.
Let's move on to what you do/do not do with your anxiety. There are probably a lot of social situations you avoid because of your anxiety. That's completely understandable. Anxiety is unpleasant so we try to avoid it as much as possible. When I started therapy I was in a bad place. I didn't leave my house much at all, I'd stay inside there for weeks and even basic things like going to the supermarket gave me panic attacks and severe anxiety.
Here's the hard part: anxiety doesn't leave on it's own. The more you avoid a situation because of your anxiety, the stronger the anxiety becomes. The best thing to do is to put yourself in difficult situations that give you anxiety, to use the questions I listed above and to realise there is often nothing to be anxious about.
My psychologist and I made an ''exposure list''. Basically, I had to list activities that I used to do before my social anxiety got this bad and activies that I would do if I didn't suffer from social anxiety. A couple of things on my exposure list are: going to the supermarket, asking a random person for directions, going for a walk, and drinking coffee by myself in a cafe.
And guess what: I've done all of them!
Going to the supermarket gave me panic attacks in the past because I was so scared of being judged and made fun of, so I avoided going. I thought if I went there people would instantly make fun of me and I tell me I didn't belong. It was when I actually did go to the supermarket that I realised my anxiety had all been for nothing. In the past 2 months I reckon I've been to the supermarket atleast 15 times, and not once has someone made fun of me or judged me in any way.
One other thing I noticed when doing things on my list was that people generally are too busy with themselves to even notice you, let alone judge you or make fun of you.
People are usually either busy with their smartphones, talking to the people they're with, listening to music or just lost in their own thoughts. They don't pay much attention to you because they're too involved in their own lifes, their own problems.
This doesn't mean you're not important or that people don't care about you: people just tend to think about themselves more than others.
One thing I always struggle with is the feeling of being looked at. Like when I'm walking down the street or are sitting in a bus, I feel like everyone is staring at me and judging me. So I avoid looking at the people and stare at my feet instead. When you look down, you can't see the world around you and you tend to feel even more anxious. It's easier to look at your feet because you don't have to look at the people around you, but it doesn't help your anxiety.
Here's a tip my psychologist gave me: when you're feeling anxious because there are people around, look at the people around you and count how many are looking back.
Just gently scan the room, street or bus you're in and look at the eyes of everyone in there. You'll notice that there aren't as many people looking at you as you think.
Let's talk about accepting your anxiety. This is very important.
I used to think that there was something wrong with me. When I start feeling anxious in a social situation, I curse my anxiety and myself and desperately start searching for an escape. I think, why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to be so anxious about this?
The crucial part here is knowing it's okay to feel anxious. When anxiety arises, don't look for a way out, accept your anxiety. Simply let it exist. Know that it will pass.
Know that your anxiety does not define you and that it is like an emotion. Think about all the times you've felt anxious, all the times you felt afraid of being judged and made fun of. All those times you fought through it. You're still alive, you're still breathing, you're still fighting. Overcoming social anxiety does not mean not feeling anxious at all anymore. It does not mean being comfortable in every social situation. It means taking control of your anxiety, living your life and doing the things you love even though you feel socially anxious and are not comfortable in social situations. It means not letting your social anxiety define you or hold you back.
These are my thoughts, tips and views on social anxiety. Thank you for reading, if you have any questions I'll gladly answer them.
This is such a wonderful and insight post. Thank you very much for sharing this with others. That is so important :-) 
Yes i totally understand you. When you say that you get really conscious while walking , i do too! But check this out , it is only happens with people i feel like almost inferior to like maybe attractive men or not so attractive ones yelling from their car seats. Or like when i am walking and there is a lot of cars and i feel really stared at when i know they are probably not looking any ways. And my legs do this weird thing where they stop working a lot together almost and i am like dragging my legs and i am so awkward because i am so anxious. About also nothing really. If you see the situation from outside. Because we might be so internally conflicted. I hope that explains it right.
@Cheeney
You are wonderful!
Thank you so much!
@FruityloveBubbles11 Ah, that's sweet! You are wonderful too!
