Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Social anxiety at work

aquaBunny7663 February 26th, 2016

i work part time in quite a social office which is very cliche. As I am quiet and shy person I get excluded a lot although there are some people in the office to have conversations with. A group of co-workers in the same level position as me go to lunch every week but never include me. I often get a feeling of being treated dismissively or ignored by certain people in the office. I know I shouldn't let this bother me, but it hurts even though I am happily married and have friends to go out with on weekends, outside of the office. The office reminds me of being at school where I had few friends and felt excluded and lonely. I feel history repeats itself as I don't seem to be good at forming relationships with people in group settings. Should I just accept the situation and try and not let it bother me?

7
February 27th, 2016

@aquaBunny7663

Perhaps I am biased. I am an old (and fat) man. (Yea you! Get off my lawn!) I find that the workplace is not different from high school. This doesn't mean you shouldn't make the attempt to be friendly, but (personally) I don't think it is generally a place to make real friends.

Having a few intimate friendships, even just one, is worth 100 people you know from work.

I could be very jaded. Take what I say with a grain of salt. Your mileage may vary.

Be well

2 replies
aquaBunny7663 OP February 27th, 2016

@JeffWM.

thanks for your advice

1 reply
February 27th, 2016

@aquaBunny7663

You're very welcome. Remember to show yourself patience & loving kindness. Too often we reserve those acts for others. But just like teaching someone a new skill, you need to learn it yourself first.

load more
load more
Daydreamer47 March 2nd, 2016

Awww *hugs* I have felt this way often and used to sit by myself so I can relate.

I wouldn't assume though that they don't like you. They may be unaware of how you feel or simply think you aren't interested in eating with them or assume you are too busy with your work. Maybe you could try asking if you can sit with them? If not, maybe pick someone you feel closer to in the group and ask gently "What time are you eating lunch today? May I eat with you?" I've found that when I do that, that person often will often invite me into the group and sort of open the circle for me.

1 reply
aquaBunny7663 OP March 7th, 2016

@skinicki. Hi Skinicki, I don't think they dislike me but I don't think they want me to join them either. However if I bring my lunch to work I sometimes sit with others in the kitchen and strike up a conversation.

load more