Nervous about trying to make new friends

@SeptemberSpirits

Hi! So step one is trying as you said and it is great that you are trying. Sometimes we are our worst critics, so we are the first ones who should give ourselves an opportunity and it seems like that is what you are doing. It is normal to be afraid, but you can overcome that fear... just a baby step can be enough to start a conversation or find a new friend or even someone to talk to.

I wish you the best :)

@SeptemberSpirits I know exactly how you feel. I also struggle with making friends, and just generally think that everyone hates me too.

HI there! Its nice to meet you!

I deal with the exact same thing! I understand how you're feeling, its so hard to make friends when I you are constantly thinking about if people are judging you negatively. You seem so nice! One thing thats helped me at least with this is my stepdad saying "When you meet someone or see someone across a room, do negative thoughts like "shes so fat, awkward, stupid" run through your own mind?"' I'd say no and he would reassure me that most quality people are not thinking that about me either. I don't always believe this, but it does help

@SeptemberSpirits

Hi September! I am in the exact same boat as you! I am going to start off small and try to join an online book club and see if that will help me with my fears about. Have you heard about the app Meetup? It connects you to locals in your area for online events (since COVID) and local meet up spots to join group activities with people of similar interests. Unfortunately for me, I cannot really do groups that well so I thought I might actually try downloading Bumble BFF.

Alright, I feel like I was very heavily disassociating this morning when I attempted to read to and reply to this thread, so now that I'm doing a bit better I'm going to try again!

@passionateApricot39
I know exactly what you mean. I get really chatty/pushy and then feel entirely moronic afterward like "You dumb dumb they did not want to know any of that, good luck getting them to talk to you again!"
I've had a few little things I do pointed out to me as well- for instance I'll constantly hold onto one of my shoulders, and I do my very best to avoid eye contact by either glancing away often or watching someone's mouth instead to pretend I'm making eye contact. I've had experiences with widenening my eyes, but usually it's to the point where I can literally feel it because at the time I'm typically already quite exhausted or manic at the moment already. I don't have much of an opportunity to meet people in person (even before Covid), but I'm used to rejection even on the internet, from oversharing and not being the kind of person people generally want to spend their time with because I can be such a downer.
I'm happy to hear that your husband is supportive of you, and I don't think it sounds all that weird myself, so now you have two people at least!
As for how I'm doing, apart from apparently not even realizing I was in the midst of an episode earlier today, I'm having a lot of ups and downs as I strap myself in for the emotional roller coaster of no longer clinging desperately to insecurities and beginning to force myself to get professional help dealing with them. I was fine with them when it was "just me" but after seeing my only friend going through it and desperately hoping to see him get help so he wouldn't hurt I started realizing I was worth doing the same. Entirely terrified of facing all the dark thoughts constantly haunting me, but... Here we go, right?
Since this is a "finding new friends" thread, I don't feel like it's out of reach to ask what kind of things you enjoy doing to see if we have anything in common.

@TheTwelfthSign
Thank you! I'd like to think that I am nice, especially when my friend tells me so, but I also feel like I'm clingy, overbearing and stupid. It's very difficult to get past things like that when I've felt them more or less constantly since I was 10. Yay for being the "quiet behaved child" who was actually the "Terrified everyone will judge her poorly for having different interests child" right? It's gotten pretty exhausting to the point where it's literally taken over my life to the point where I won't try anything new, and if I'm not good at it I never will be and walk away. Definitely taking steps to stop feeling so worthless, which I hope will make it easier to present myself to new friends without feeling like I'm just taking up their time.
How are you doing?

@akay06
Hello!
I hope you're not thinking me too crazy after I managed to misread your message as my own earlier. I don't know where my brain actually was, but it was just skipping over your username and telling me "You didn't write that, or if you did, it wasn't conscious. Or maybe you were hacked! Smiley face!"
It was very much accompanied by a wave of dizziness and a quick step away from the situation after I realized that it wasn't my post after all. Probably biting off a bit more than I can chew right now and super nervous leading me to misreading things.
I haven't heard of MeetUp or Bumble BFF, so I might take a look into them. I think meeting some people who are a bit more local might do me a little bit of good, while also scaring me completely out of my zonked little brain.
How has your day been?

hello! first of all, i'm glad you're trying! trying to make some new friends and get over fears in social situations is a goal of mine as well. the idea of attempting to talk to people is definitely scary, especially when you feel like everyone just hates and judges you, and doesn't enjoy your company, but i guess it's all about baby steps. i sometimes try to keep myself calm in social situations by thinking that most people usually just think about themselves instead of focusing on what others look like for example. communication is surely hard, it feels like at one point i'm oversharing and saying way too much, and next i get quiet and regret ever opening my mouth + get flooded with anxiety, what if no one was interesting in hearing that etc.

you seem like a very nice person, so i wish you the best

Hi, if you want concrete advice, the book How to be Yourself did the trick for me. I wasted years learning about psychology, but in the end it was this simple self help book that opened the door for me.

There are some mental habits that people like you and me tend to take on by mistake. But they can be unlearned. The book tells you how to do this exactly.

Socializing is a numbers game. The more time you spend the better you get at it, the more people you meet the higher chance of meeting someone that fits you. Its going to suck at first but it can only get better!