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SeptemberSpirits
2,183 M Hopeful Heart 3
PathStep 102 Compassion hearts59 Forum posts52 Forum upvotes35 Current upvotes35 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2022 Member sinceAugust 3, 2020
Bio
I enjoy writing, cuddling my cats and dog, listening to music and anime. I am working to overcome feelings of worthlessness and convincing myself to put effort into things I want to learn and be more productive.
Recent forum posts
Type 2 Diabetes Monitoring
Healthy Living / by SeptemberSpirits
Last post
 March 30th, 2023
...See more When I was diagnosed 6 months ago, it was over the phone and I wasn't given much information. As things stand now, my numbers were all in the 200+ range at the time of diagnosis. Now, after being on 2 daily doses of metformin, my after meal numbers have gotten down to 105-115 with the occasional 120. For months my fasting remained at 170 and refused to budge. Last month it was sitting at 160. Most recently it's had what I feel like is a decently drastic drop all the way to 140. If I was given a "goal" number, I was too flustered to recall it. Was anyone here given a "goal" number? What was it? Does it seem I'm doing decently keeping lowering my numbers? Can you give me any pointers? Thank you, hope you're doing well! ~Spirits
Mental health and food
Healthy Living / by SeptemberSpirits
Last post
 September 1st, 2020
...See more Nearly 5 months ago now I was diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. I have changed my diet, and found a gentle workout system that is helping me steadily lose weight without triggering asthma attacks. For certain I've lost 20 pounds since the start of it, which for me is no small feat, even though I still have a long way to go I feel, most times, that I can manage to get down to a more healthy weight. However, I have a bit of a road block coming up that I'm working through mentally. In our family, we celebrate birthdays by the person having the birthday chosing the dinner and the dessert for the celebration day. It's allowed to be a little expensive and a little extravagant, and we typically would go out to a restaurant or cook a meal that required a bit more involvement and clean up. This year, with my new diet, it's difficult for me to find something I absolutely adore that makes me feel like I'm both celebrating and sticking to my goals while also providing something that the rest of the family can enjoy. Not only am I still struggling to find an array of healthy foods that I like, I'm struggling to come up with meal plans that they, with either different or no restrictions, would also enjoy. There are only a handful of weeks left (we'll probably be celebrating on the 12th or 13th even though my birthday is the 15th) and I'm trying to figure out what to do. I feel like I'm more looking for comfort and understanding than advice- after all, the only real advice that can be given is to hopefully find a time everyone isn't busy and sit and discuss what we can do to please all of us. I'm just nervous to have the discussion and realize just how many more options aren't available. Depression and anxiety have always made my relationship with food rather difficult, from not eating to over eating. In high school I was told by my health teacher that according to my height (somewhere between 4'9" and 4'11", just barely noticably enough under 5 feet) and BMI that I "Should never weigh over 95 pounds" and further that if I didn't lose the extra weight that I had on me (I don't know for certain, but I was probably around 110 to 115) within that semester she would fail me for the entire class. This was a class that you were required to pass in order to graduate high school as a whole. I was already suffering from depression and struggles with body image, so when I was told by a "Professional" that my fears were truth, I broke down. I had spent most of my school years in dental straightening braces, back before the whole "Invisiline" thing was even a dream. I had always carefully followed the rules that I had been given of what not to eat to keep from damaging them. On weekends where my braces would have to be tightened it would be possible that I wouldn't be able to eat from how much my mouth ached to try and chew. I had gotten them off the summer just before this teacher had informed me that I was overweight and yes, I had gained a few pounds due to finally being able to eat some of my favorite candy again, but I was only just borderlining on "pudgy" at the time. I looked at my choices for healthy eating-- either things I entirely disliked, or things that were a bit expensive for what we could afford at the time. I looked at my options for working out-- all of which were made difficult by my asthma (another thing the same teacher mocked me for, shouting at me to "keep pushing" until I would get sick and quit or listen to her and pass out). After that I stopped working out and stopped trying to eat healthy at all. I convinced my parents to let me quit high school and do home schooling/GED courses instead, because it wasn't worth fighting the hellscape that was a high school I could never pass simply on the basis that I was too fat for that one teacher. I was too depressed to speak up and tell someone about the "threat" and just never bothered. "She was the professional after all, why wouldn't they just all agree with her and not me?" I suppose with all this, I'm nervous that my celebration will come and that I'll throw all my hard work out the window by "letting" myself have something sugary that everyone will enjoy despite knowing that it'll wreck my blood glucose for a day or two. I feel like I would be more on track now if I hadn't been doing that earlier in my process, "letting" myself have a "treat" for my numbers getting lower because I was jealous watching the rest of my family constantly still eating the sugary treats that I can't touch. Maybe I just need a little push to remind me that we don't have to be eating the same things to be celebrating how far I've come this year. I just have a difficult time with it because my mother is the sort who prefers everyone to be eating the same meals and gets worked up when I tell her to get takeout even if I can't have it (even though somehow she doesn't mind eating twinkies and ice cream in front of me all the time). Anyway, thank you to anyone who bothered to read and thank you to anyone who decides to reply! Hope you're all doing well! ~Spirits
Doctor Struggles
Healthy Living / by SeptemberSpirits
Last post
 August 12th, 2020
...See more I was recently made aware that the place I was taken to be diagnosed with type 2 diabetes is actually a weight loss clinic. My mother made the appointment and selected the location after I was told I had trouble with the blood vessels in my eyes. Even attempting to take the current pandemic state into account, so far the doctors at this place have been less than professional. Not once have they kept an appointment on time, nor did they attempt to help out by giving me any information on my diagnosis beyond "We sent a prescription to the pharmacy you provided us with" and that was that. Yesterday, despite taking my payment, they once more failed to call me for my appointment, and as it is now the weekend, I don't expect to hear from them until Monday at the earliest, and I expect absolutely no apology and nothing more than "We sent you a refill to the pharmacy you provided us with." I am currently looking into finding somewhere new to go, and just wanted to put my anxiety/worries here so that hopefully it would help me relax a little. To anyone who reads, thank you and good luck in your own struggles!
Nervous about trying to make new friends
Anxiety Support / by SeptemberSpirits
Last post
 August 14th, 2020
...See more I have not attempted to make new friends since I left high school mid-way through my second year (I am now 33). I have always been socially anxious, worried about how others view me, as negative opinions hit hard and I find myself becoming very emotional over the smallest things even if I've only percieved them as bad when they weren't. Communication isn't my greatest skill, as much as I love talking to and learning about others, I get pushy about myself (my wants and opinions) and dissect everything that both I and the person I'm talking to say and try to read deeply into all of it. I'm nervous that people will, as they have in the past, look at me and my anxieties and situation and think poorly of me and simply walk away. Or I'm afraid that people will look at what I say and decide not to even attempt to speak to me in the first place because of who I am. I'm hoping to get over this, and to become a person that I would like to be friends with, along with many other improvements. Step one is trying, and that's where I'm at. I hope everyone who passes by this thread is getting along well today. Take care -Spirits
Walking away from old friends and fear of making new
Relationship Stress / by SeptemberSpirits
Last post
 August 4th, 2020
...See more A few months ago I walked away from an online friend for a second time. I did this at a very difficult time for her that I am not comfortable discussing openly on a forum, but being in contact with her during this time was giving me nightmares of the same traumas happening to me every night, and for a decent portion of each day. It had gotten to the point where I wasn't able to think of anything but how bad her trauma was, and how nothing I was able to do or say did anything but make her more upset. After having discussed what was going on between us with my sister and another friend who also knew the situation, I was convinced to walk away from her. I told her only that I "needed silence for my mental health", which was true. But I frequently feel bad for being unable to tell her that she was/is one of many direct causes for my poor mental state. It felt wrong to me to tell her that as hard as I was trying to be supportive of her that my support was causing me pain. I felt then, as I still do now, that my anxiety over her trauma is not as "large" as her trauma, and that ghosting her was the wrong way to go. Unfortunately it was the only way to go, because I very much cannot bring myself to tell her, with her current mental state likely far worse than my own, that she cannot change or make up for the things she does that I can no longer handle. I have been told time and again that our relationship is toxic, but we were very close, and although I feel much better not having to navigate what felt like a floor covered in shattered glass just to have a decent conversation with her, much less one that comes out with both of us feeling happy and energetic, I still find myself both missing her and feeling very guilty for leaving her for my own health. -Spirits
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