My Avoidant Behavior
I'm in desperate need of help with my avoidant behavior. I've think I've developed this recently during and still post my eating disorder habit. I'm recovering right now (I don't binge as bad as before and practicing intuitive eating). However, I've fueled another bad habit: avoiding all my friends entirely. I'm so afraid thay they will be the reason to ruin my recovery. These are my habits and observations:
1. I deactivated ALL my social media accounts (facebook, twitter, etc.)ORIGINAL GOAL: to hide from them, so they never see a single photo of mine (gaining more than 20 lbs in a span of 3 months, being laughed at, criticizing me for being so fat) NOW: I've lost weight but I still fear that comments from them would ruin my recovery. That I haven't lost enough despite all my effort. Because after all, my recovery is dealing with my habit not actually losing weight so i get to lose all my weight from bingeing.
2. I AVOID being seen by friends at our neighborhood. I walk fast enough so they never get to talk to me. I don't want to talk to them face to face. I don' want to say hi. I always plug in my earphones (without music) so I pretend I didn't hear them when they call me. My heart beats fast just thinking about bumping with someone I know.
3. I don't want to talk about my old friends with the people I'm close to right now. When somebody brings up the life of my old friend I suddenly get irritated because I don't want to know.
Can somebody help? :(
@dreamycafelover
I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling just now.
I wonder if perhaps you feel that now you are overcoming your old ways, your old friends represent a time in your life where you weren't in a good place emotionally?
Do you feel that if you spend time with certain people that you will begin to feel the same emotions by association with regards to your eating disorder? A reminder of times you'd really rather forget? Did your friends make negative comments to you previously? Perhaps it's the opposite & they were supportive. Maybe you worry that they'll want to talk about your disorder when you'd rather not do that?
It's completely understandable that you'd be wary of returning to a place of darkness or upset but sometimes it's helpful to consider the reasons behind those fears.
Asking yourself what aspects of reconnecting with old friends is really scaring you could be useful. Do these fears have a concrete basis or are you just bracing yourself for the worst to happen? Pondering these questions may be the key you need to unlock those answers. 😊
Please remember you can always talk this through with a listener - you aren't alone in this. I wish you the best of luck.
@IAmHere83 thanks for this. Actually, I never opened up with my friends before. They don't even know I've struggled with any kind of mental challenges. All they know is I got fat, simple as that. It's quite the opposite, my experience with them are almost all happy moments that I could think of. I just feel like I can't go back with the old me that they used to love. I think I've changed too much to be accepted by them again. I'm afraid I wil be rejected and criticized for what I am now. And i just realized that now. Thanks a lot for your helpful questions. I need to think about more of what are driving my fears.
@dreamycafelover I'm so pleased that you were able to gain some understanding about your feelings - that was all you & you should be proud!
Sometimes it can be hard to see the woods for the trees when it comes to feelings but I do faithfully believe that understanding the reasons behind them is half the battle.
So, what now? I hear you say you're worried that the changes within you will mean that your friends won't accept you.
Again...I wonder...What is it about yourself you feel is so starkly different that your pals will not accept you? Are you happy with who you are just now? Or do you dislike the changes & worry others will too? Are you really very different to the way you were, or is it just smaller things that have changed? Do you feel too much time has passed & it will be awkward to reconnect with them?
We are all a work in progress throughout our lives. We never really stop changing & evolving one way or another. Some of this sticks with us, but the majority are transient. People who want to be around you regardless can be a very precious gift. It sounds as if you have had some lovely times with your old friends & from their side, they'd clearly love to catch up with you. That may be worth a wee ponder too, hey? 😊
@IAmHere83 First, I am still worried about how they are going to think about me when they see again. As I've said before , my appearance changed drastically from how it was before. I know to myself that I am still working on my insecurities. Second, I fear that they will be the reason to ruin my recovery from my previous bad eating habits. I'm afraid comments from them might trigger it. It's different with my current friends now, I'm not hurt by their comments than old friends. Because I know that my friends NOW definitely accepts who I am today because they can never compare me from my past. You see that's my problem, my OLD friends would always reference me to the past ("oh she's not as thin as before, "she doesn't like to party anymore, she's not as smart as I though she was, how can she end up with a job like that") What I''m trying to figure out is, Why does their (my old friends) opinion matter to me so much?????????
I'm actually quite lost now. I have mixed feelings with my identity. I feel that I am satisfied with who I am now. It's just that I fear that my old friends will not accept what I am now. In short, that I am not what they expected me to be. Is it because I am not really who I was when I was with them? That I''m only physically with them and not really connecting emotionally. those things... I have a hard time figuring out.
@dreamycafelover
Sorry to hear that you are having a tough time. You will be in my prayers that you find comfort with yourself. It sounds like you are taking your recovery seriously and placing your well being first which is smart. At the end of the day you,are responsible for you. This is just a season in your life things change. Good luck