what should i do ?
i'm just a guy.. seeking to be noticed . i never felt like i really existed my entire life, no one will probebly notice the diffrence the diffrence if i'm alive or not . i got no family, only a couple friends i made in this website . i got no live i'm just working toward the minimum a man can wish for .. survival.
i'm going through pain, physically and mentally . can't stop thinking for a few minutes and its making me rly exhausted
i can feel this .. cloud right in my chest, a heaviness, i'm just sweating as i'm watching it slowly suffocating me . this happens nearly everyday now and i deserve it...
for a guy who keeps pushing ppl away from him i do feel lonely, i always lived alone, i never rly had real friends . i always felt like i needed ppl but no one rly needed me . i'm not saying i'm a good person to talk to or anything but i do care a lot about what ppl feel, i try to put myself in their position try to feel them, confort them . no one ever did that to me. and the problem is i expect ppl to treat me like i treat them .. feels like i'm used to disappointments by now . mby
i wish i was blessed with ignorance, i wish i had a life worth living, a goal to keep me going, a friend who i can rly rely on . someone who doesnt end up leaving me bcs of my 'negativity' someone who understands
but i keep finding ppl, give me a whole bunch of fake promises, tell me that life will be better but will it ? telling me they care but i dont feel it . if i dont text them they'd forget about me in a week is that what friendship is these days ?
well i can't rly know . i never had it . probebly never will
i just hate ppl . everyone . as much as i hate to admit it
my family that threw my like a piece of trash, everyone around me . '''oh i'm not a therapist to help you''' . i NEVER wanted anyone to help
i just wanted them to be here.
@mont22ha
I'm sorry you're feeling so lost and alone right now, but I'm glad you're here on 7C to reach out to the group here.
"a goal to keep me going "
You will only ever be able to give yourself that goal. It can't ever come from anyone else, because it won't mean anything. If you create the goal, you make it mean something to you. Then it's yours and you'll be more motivated to attain it.
So the question is, what do you want your first goal to be? It doesn't have to be big. We all start with small goals to get us moving and they build up along the way. Is it a health goal? A talent/skill goal? Education? Job?
@thoughtfulmomma
i didnt rly ask anyone for a goal or a will to live . i know thats now how things work.
and the closest thing i have to a goal rn is a job . to finish studies and get a job so i can have my independent life at least
but thats not rly a goal . i just need to wait 3 more years for that to happen . it may take a bit longer now too thanks to this virus
@mont22ha
Having your own independent life is a great goal! Finishing school, getting a job, finding your first place to live - it's all great, and all exciting. There's such a huge feeling of accomplishment each step of the way. Focus on it, make a plan, and get excited about the future!
@thoughtfulmomma is it rly something to be exited about
i am living alone now for 4 years . i probebly will for the rest of my life, no one really calls or remembers that i exist and i'm afraid it will be that way until i die
@mont22ha
Being independent is definitely something to celebrate. It IS BIG. I know people that are almost 30 and still living at home with their parents. They aren't even trying for something better for themselves.
You won't always be alone. I know sometimes it feels like it. When I was much younger (many years ago) I felt horribly alone. I felt that no one was ever going to love me. So I was determined to just get my degree and live alone the rest of my life. My job would keep me busy and I wouldn't ever find a spouse or have a family.
But life has a funny way of messing up plans. Someone actually took notice of me. Completely by accident. And all of a sudden I realized that I wasn't so bad. That I could have love in my life. And more importantly, that I deserved it. And my future of living alone with my job - it disappeared, and I'm glad for it.
@thoughtfulmomma
i'm glad you did find that person
i did had ppl in my life but i always mess it up . i think i'm not nearly ready for a relationship or even to have friends
one day i might will
@mont22ha
Hello there I'm just a random person, but I just want to say that if someone stops being your friend due to your mental illnesses they're not worthy of you in the first place. Find people that will be there for you in thick and thin and defend you from the evil in your life. It takes awhile trust me, but when you have it you will forget what being lonely feels like.
Hi, I'm sorry ur feeling this way. I don't know much about a lot of things, but I feel like your fear of never being with anyone is what is making u push people away. Not feeling like u can trust someone or that feeling that ur more into the relationship then they are is so hard and difficult to cope with. The fear of rejection and embarrassment is what makes me drive people away. But if ur willing to reach out, I'm sure there is someone there who's willing to grab ur hand. Sometimes the thing that we need the most is staring at us right in the face, and we don't even no it.
@Sleepingpandacub ty for the reply
yeah .. trust .. sigh
i rly feel unable to maintain a relationship of any kind at the time . i just keep messing up
but one day . i may will
i do feel like i need someone
@mont22ha I'm so happy I could help. I feel like don't rush urself, but push out of ur comfort zone. Ik very confusing and contradicting. But I hope it makes sense. If u ever need to chat I'm here. 
@Sleepingpandacub ty so much for the kind words :)
@mont22ha Anytime
@Sleepingpandacub i made something lol . donno if its okay to share pictures here :/
tell me what you think 
@mont22ha Wow it's so cool. Like my drawing capabilities reach to stick man level. It's really really cool. 
@Sleepingpandacub
haha dont exaggerate dude . its only crazy lines with a black pen on a notebook paper . didnt even put enough time into it
i can't even draw a car or a house :p thats pile of lines and symboles is literlly all i can do
@Sleepingpandacub what do you mean reach to stickman level btw? :/
@mont22ha hahaha I knew what I wrote didn't make sense, basically I mean that all I can draw is stick men. And it's actually cool, even if it's just symbols😹
@Sleepingpandacub
hey i know it been a while and you probebly forgot about me . donno why i'm doing this either buut i thought id share this with you
so a lot of things happened, good and bad ones
bad ones well, i have a friend here that i rly cared about and she's suicidal which like dissapeared all of a sudden and i couldnt find her in any of the social media websites we used to talk in and stuff so i just assumed she ..
i kept blaming myself that no matter how hard i tried i wasnt enough, and uhh got back to cutting which is very pethatic i know . i'm still thinking about her and all . didnt wanna reach out to anyone for a week or so but when i did . i met a girl
thats the good news, well it happened fast was only a week but yeah i have a gf *party horn noises*
not being sarcastic, she helped me a lot and i'm very thankful . too much then what i deserve.
what's going on with you . everything okay i hope
Hey @mont22ha. No I didn't forget about u, ur actually the first person I properly had a conversation with in this place, that 100% makes us friends now. Anyway ur gf sounds amazing, don't get too lost in those thoughts there . U really deserve this, remember she deserves u too, No matter how crazy it seems. I also hope ur friend is doing okay. Now I've been okay, other than trying to figure out what's going on inside my head, I guess I'm fine. I'm not great and talking about my feelings and most of the stuff I say either comes out as gibberish or I dump too much information. It does stress me out a bit but I'll be fine.
Hope we can chat some more. :)
@Sleepingpandacub
trust me on this one .. having someone that's willing to listen you at the end of every single day, to share your pain and show care no matter what . does feel diffrent, dont remember the last time i felt this way
doesnt matter if its a friend or else . what i mean is i was a loner for pretty much my whole life and once i gave it a chance to be around others that care about me . i feel like a weight in my chest that i dropped
i know its hard to believe i really do but try . try to open up about your problems . but only do it with the right person . someone who truly cares, someone who's truly willing to help
and as fkd up my life isright now, i can mby help you feel a bit better if you want to talk about stuff you know . even if you just want to vent . i do value friendship and i just want to be there for you.
@mont22ha Thank u so much, I really do value friendship too. I just worry too much I guess. I feel like everything that's happening just doesn't add up. It's like none of it is real, everything is just my imagination. I don't want to worry anybody with this. But it's like at times I can't stop shaking, sometimes I get so angry and irratated anything can make me snap, I once walked into a room at a family event suddenly my chest tightened up, tears built up, the shaking increased, I had to leave into another room and distract myself. But sometimes these feelings are nonexistent and and I get so annoyed and confused. I don't understand what's happening, I don't know what to do. But I believe I'm okay cause no one else seemed to notice. So I guess I could be imagining.
sorry if I over shared or anything. :/
@Sleepingpandacub i'm happy that you shared this with me so dont be sorry
i do know how it feels tho, after years of hating myself and everyone around me a developed a bit of an anger issue, i get so mad so freaking fast and start shaking alot, feeling insecure and start breaking stuff or punching walls or something. broke my arm once .
and just for the record, i did live with bipolar and depression for like 4 years at least and no one but my therapist knowing or noticing it, does that make it unreal ?
trust me, as long as its making you feel bad it is a problem that you need to work on, i spent years of my life not wanting to bother anyone with these thoughts in my head, i got basiclly nowhere
you dont have to deal with it alone . its okay to ask for help.
@mont22ha Thank you 🙏. Really, ur the first person to even give me any reply. People normally get really weird and I just stop talking. And I know ur right about the other people don't need to notice for it to be real. It's not like I'm carrying a big hat around that says 'can get anxious'. It's really good that u have opened up to someone about ur anger. I hope ur arm is okay. And on my end I think I need a bit more time, but hey I did open up here that's a step. Anyway I hope ur doing good, and just so u know ur the first person I'll tell when I open up to someone.
@mont22ha Ah, sorry sorry I feel like I unloaded a lot. Please just don't worry too much. It's not as bad as it seems. I really seem okay. Nothing too serious.
@Sleepingpandacub
trust me its not easy to open about those feelings for find the words to describe how you feel sometimes but it is possible and it gets easier once you start doing it
whenever you're ready just know that i'm here for you, you came here wasting your time replying to me willing to help so the least i can do is this
i feel like i'm starting to make some progress and i want that for you too . whenever you're up for it
@mont22ha Hey it's been a while. I guess I can certainly say that I may have anxiety. I mean I haven't really said it or typed it but there is a first time for everything. My cousin just had a panick attack, for the first time, I think I helped, like I've been told it helps to make their thoughts clear, so I asked her to name 5 of her favorite things, and 5 things she sees. She did laugh and I think it helped calm her down, at least before my family jumped and started running around checking her pulse and stuff...
it made me realize a lot... it's hard you know? I guess i realized that people aren't worrying constantly and it's not as normal as I thought. She was stressing even more because she didn't understand what was happening, but I knew straight away. And her feelings projected on to me I guess, I couldn't stop shaking and I couldn't make anyone worry even more, I kept playing with a tissues roll that was in my hand that had tears I wiped from her eyes. It felt so real all of a sudden. Like everything I've been feeling ... is real?
I realized I was panicking too. I panic differently, if that even exists, I shake uncontrollably, everything becomes a haze, even without tears in my eyes, The only way to describe it is like drifting through the air with a heavy chest.
so how r u?
@Sleepingpandacub
hey there, was thinking about texting you and i end up writing then be like 'i dont rly wanna be annoying' and close the page :D did that like 3 times lol
i'm sorry to hear about your cousin, i know how it feels :3 yeah when put in such situation its normal to panick especially if you didnt witness something as much.. i do know how it feels tho to start shaking a lot, heart beats through the roof, feels like a rock in my chest, heavy, suffocating me .. but it mostly happens when i'm angry or super worried so ... yeah i totally understand
hope your cousin is feeling better now tho, glad you were there for her when you did
me ... eh :D i'm okay
having ups and down . one moment id feel like my whole life is collapsing, few hours later i'm happy . i dont even know anymore haha
@mont22ha thanks for the concern she's okay now, I think it kinda made it easier with people there. We have someone whos a nurse, and found out the trigger was too much coffee added with nervousness of going to uni. She doesn't really drink coffee too. And hoped she never has to experience it again.
U should know by now that I wouldn't get annoyed by ur messaging, I like talking to u as much as u like talking to me 😂. But I was logged out for quite abit.
I'm I started reading again. It's really on and off cause I can't seem to find time, especially with all the tv shows I wanna watch.
I've been thinking more about telling someone, and I do have a few, I'll call them victims, since I talk so much nonsense I'll confuse them before I can say anything useful 😂😂. Anyway...
what's going on with u
@Sleepingpandacub
made this today :D still a piece of crap but i'm getting better i guess
@mont22ha I think ur getting good at drawing.
@Sleepingpandacub i dont agree on the name tho 'victims'
but you know you can talk to me about anything bothering you right . when you're here
i'm not rly into shows but i do watch a lot of movies and videogames lately . anything to kill time
@mont22ha okay the word victims is harsh. Will find another word. I play games to, what r u into? And tv shows r longer 😂 that's why I like watching them.
@Sleepingpandacub
this laptop is not rly made for gaming :3 so i can't rly play most of the new games and stuff
i'm playing 2 videogames right now 'astroneer' and 'surviving mars' .. yeah i'm rly into space stuff :p and i'm learning a couple things from them
and yeah i dont rly enjoy watching 10 seasons of the same story and stuff so i stick to movies, every time new caracters, new location and everything
but again each one got his taste in this sort of stuff
how are you feeling today
@Sleepingpandacub
hey man . i was banned for a few days bcs someone felt the need to report me :/ for some reason that i dont know . apperantly i was doing some hurtful behavior haha
and uhh 7 cups gave me a second chance haha threatening to ip ban me next time
idk about you but fk this .. and fk them . i'm just here to say my goodbyes
here .. montassarha98@gmail.com
if you want to ever contact me again :)
@mont22ha
hey I've been off of 7cups lately too. I wanted to focus on positive outlets and all that stuff. Ofcourse we can still chat and stuff, but apparently when u don't enter the app enough u just get logged out. :/ but weird I guess. Anyway started doing some yoga. I have no balance what so ever, so I keep falling on my face. But it's fun. I've been feeling weird lately, not like a bad weird but weird. Haha I'm confusing my self.
@mont22ha
so I've been feeling weird. And okay? I guess I mean school has been stressful. Like I'm staying for my 13th year, that was the dumbest idea I've ever had. So I have to start thinking about Unis and all that. My grades are bad. I'm not saying like oh I got 89% how terrible. No no I mean like 50% could be my highest grade. And I learned I hate learning. Like it annoys me when smart people don't bother to get high grades. I can't understand what the teacher was saying the first time for my to get it the third time. Ugh. Okay I'm not to use negative words on my self but MAN am I stupid. In a good way. Need to stay positive.
So how r u feeling??
You asked in the title what you should do, but I believe you are doing it. Reaching out here, talking about all of this that is going on. That is the best thing you can do.
I relate to your pain, loneliness and isolation. I'm sure many people here too.
I hope you can find the companionship you need.
@SilverbackTiger i'm sorry you had to go through that too
yeah this website is helping me a lot . i'm glad i came here when i did
@mont22ha
I'm glad you found it :)