what should i do ?

i'm just a guy.. seeking to be noticed . i never felt like i really existed my entire life, no one will probebly notice the diffrence the diffrence if i'm alive or not . i got no family, only a couple friends i made in this website . i got no live i'm just working toward the minimum a man can wish for .. survival.

i'm going through pain, physically and mentally . can't stop thinking for a few minutes and its making me rly exhausted

i can feel this .. cloud right in my chest, a heaviness, i'm just sweating as i'm watching it slowly suffocating me . this happens nearly everyday now and i deserve it...

for a guy who keeps pushing ppl away from him i do feel lonely, i always lived alone, i never rly had real friends . i always felt like i needed ppl but no one rly needed me . i'm not saying i'm a good person to talk to or anything but i do care a lot about what ppl feel, i try to put myself in their position try to feel them, confort them . no one ever did that to me. and the problem is i expect ppl to treat me like i treat them .. feels like i'm used to disappointments by now . mby

i wish i was blessed with ignorance, i wish i had a life worth living, a goal to keep me going, a friend who i can rly rely on . someone who doesnt end up leaving me bcs of my 'negativity' someone who understands

but i keep finding ppl, give me a whole bunch of fake promises, tell me that life will be better but will it ? telling me they care but i dont feel it . if i dont text them they'd forget about me in a week is that what friendship is these days ?

well i can't rly know . i never had it . probebly never will

i just hate ppl . everyone . as much as i hate to admit it

my family that threw my like a piece of trash, everyone around me . '''oh i'm not a therapist to help you''' . i NEVER wanted anyone to help

i just wanted them to be here.