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Panic attack from fear of falling, followed by stressful situation

zimmy August 14th, 2018

Today is my fiances birthday, and I wanted to do something special for him. So I gathered two of his closest friends and we went to a quarry. I have a fear of falling, but he really wanted me to jump in with him so I decided to try it because I wanted him to have the best possible time. I eventually did jump in, from the smallest ledge I could find and the sensation of falling caused me to be filled with a lot of fear and I had a panic attack in the water. I started worrying that the water might be toxic, or a fish might touch me, or I could scrape a leg on something and get cut. Then my breathing got super messed up and I felt like I wasn't going to make it back to the rocks because they looked like they were shrinking away. My fiance swam me back to shore but it took a really long time to recover from the panic attack. I was talking to him about his birthday later, just asking if he had fun and stuff and he said that it wasn't that great but thats fine because he wasn't expecting a good birthday anyways. I felt so bad, I know I can't make him have fun but I really wanted this to be a good day for him. As we were walking back to the car we heard alarms going off, and the car was having issues. We troubleshot it for a couple of hours but I just got progressively more anxious, and mosquitos were biting me (I'm very allergic) and on top of this it's in a very bad neighborhood.

I'm horribly anxious and just want validation on my fears

3
Yukihiko August 17th, 2018

@zimmy

Hellow there! So I read your whole story and I just wanna say that this is nOt your fault, dear <3 I understand that panic attacks are random, it's really not your fault <3 I feel sad for when people blame themselves for something that is not their fault. What you're feeling is understandable, I get scared too in the water, who know what's in there? Our anxiety loves to create irrational fears so you're not alone in this! I'm sure that your fiance understand what you're going through. You can always make it up with him by giving him handmade gifts or anything to show that you love him!

1 reply
zimmy OP September 5th, 2018

@EmikoKokoro

Thank you for reading my post and replying to it. I really appreciate you taking your time to craft a response for me, and I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone ♡

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