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I'm drowning. I'm defeated
nonnyzolo May 16th, 2020
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Im so scared all the time and Im always worrying. I lie awake at night with a million thoughts running through my head. I want to just quit. Everything is so hard right now. My grades are going down and my mom wants me to get a job during the summer, but the training is so hard. Im always doubting myself too. I just get scared about literally everything even if it doesnt matter. And when things get too overwhelming, I shut down mentally. Well, with the training and school and everything, I feel like Im about to shut down. Its all just too much and I just want to relax, but Im getting up early and going to bed late and constantly worrying.

Im drowning.

I feel like I need to be constantly happy and get all my stuff done with no problems, but Im always one step behind everyone else if not more. Im so tired! I dont want to do this anymore but I get to scared to tell anyone how I feel!! Everything just seems so hard. All my problems seem so pathetic and I don't know why I'm constantly feeling this way. For some reason I get so angry about everything and then I'm just sad and I just go down, down, down.........

Im defeated.

3
Micmcgee May 16th, 2020
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@nonnyzolo

Hey. I understand. Maybe not everything you're going through, but some of your feelings.
It seems like so many people are going through terrible things and it seems like I should not complain - but I feel defeated, maybe like you. I feel like I am letting down everyone around me and myself. And even if I get up tomorrow with a better attitude, it's already too late. It sucks.
I'm sorry you feel that way and I hope it can get better. All we can do is wake up each day and try to make it better than the day before. Maybe if we know there are more people like us that feel this way, it can feel ok to feel this way, and we don't have to feel guilty. Hope it gets better.

Moondiamond May 16th, 2020
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@nonnyzolo

Hi, Im so sorry you are feeling this way. Please remember that you're not alone, many people struggle with feeling like these, I have and sometimes still do. I really felt what you meant when you used the word "drowning." When I am feeling this way, it really helps me to remember that I did not always feel so low and that reminds me that I will not always feel that way. I also try literally talking to myself, as weird as it sounds, I tell myself that I am choosing to be happy and I am choosing to think positive. When I feel like I was defeated by another day, I tell myself I forgive myself because I am not perfect but I am proud of myself for trying. Sometimes one day at a time is what gets you through, go easy on yourself, don't compare your struggles to other people's "real" struggles because it's real to you. I'm glad you are trying this out to find some help, don't be afraid to reach out to the people who love you, that's what they are there for, to help you when times are tough, just like I know you would help them! <3

potatofriend May 16th, 2020
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@nonnyzolo

Hey, there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling. It sounds like you're going through a lot right now, an overwhelming amount. It seems like you're putting a lot of expectations on yourself, to feel a certain way and to do everything without having to struggle. Breathe, take things one at a time, and don't beat yourself up too much. You don't have to do everything and be perfect all the time. Remember who you are and that your struggles don't define you. You're trying and that's worth something

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