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Been anxious for a few days now
yellowEyes4455 October 24th, 2018
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Okay so, I've been dealing with what I guess I can call intrusive thoughts(?) for the past three days. They're all about this old friend of mine who I fell out of contact with a few years ago. We used to be close, but at the same time... she was very draining to be around, because she was actively suicidal and back then I wasn't emotionally or mentally equipped to handle that. She'd go through periods where she'd block everyone and think really hard about suicide, and that'd cause a lot of panic attacks for me. And she was very pessimistic to the point that she never tried to get better (as far as I'm aware). In retrospect she wasn't very healthy to be around, even if we were close.

So, my question is, is there any suggestions on how to get past this "brain wall" I guess?? I don't know if I wanna contact her again (I think that'd be too stressful) but I just... I was okay until a few days ago. brain please stop being like this

9
DavidEss October 27th, 2018
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@yellowEyes4455

Sounds like your brain needs closure!

Try writing her a really long letter, pouring everything out that Brian (tee hee) is saying to you.

Up to you if you send it- that might just open another loop. Keep it and add to it as necessary, and see what you need.

Just suggestions from my experience. It sounded desperate, what you went through. It wouldn't surprise me if there wasn't a bit of posttraumatic stress going on for you.

yellowEyes4455 OP November 3rd, 2018
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@DavidEss Oof this is late. Thank you for replying tho!

Closure does sound nice; we just kind of drifted apart over time, so we never had an official goodbye. Plus, she once disappeared for like... 3 months? I thought she actually took her own life at that point.

I dunno if I could ever manage to send it... as much as I cared for her, going back just scares me.

And I wouldn't be surprised either; I was 12 years old when we first met, and she was 16 I think? Yeah, little me wasn't at all prepared to help someone deal with a lifetime of abuse, even if I really wanted to. Plus, I've heard autistic people like myself are more easily traumatized.

DavidEss November 3rd, 2018
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@yellowEyes4455

At 12 you would have been completely incapable of handling that. I'm 67 and I'm pretty sure I'd be at risk of being traumatised.

Try my suggestions, if you like, and let me know how you get on.

yellowEyes4455 OP November 3rd, 2018
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@DavidEss I guess in retrospect she wasn't really that good of a friend, was she?

I'll try it though, and I'll keep you updated on how it's working for me.

DavidEss November 3rd, 2018
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@yellowEyes4455

Well, she was probably doing the best she could at the time.

What I would like to say is what a good friend you were for her.

yellowEyes4455 OP November 3rd, 2018
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@DavidEss True. I just hope she's doing better now.

DavidEss November 3rd, 2018
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@yellowEyes4455

Yes, of course.

yellowEyes4455 OP November 3rd, 2018
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@DavidEss Thanks for talking to me about this, though. Sometimes I feel bad, but at the same time it was getting to be too much for me to handle, so I'm just a little conflicted right now.

DavidEss November 4th, 2018
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@yellowEyes4455

My pkeasure. Listen, do the letter writing exercise. It may well help you more than you imagine possible. It's worth the time.

Good luck.

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