Been anxious for a few days now
Okay so, I've been dealing with what I guess I can call intrusive thoughts(?) for the past three days. They're all about this old friend of mine who I fell out of contact with a few years ago. We used to be close, but at the same time... she was very draining to be around, because she was actively suicidal and back then I wasn't emotionally or mentally equipped to handle that. She'd go through periods where she'd block everyone and think really hard about suicide, and that'd cause a lot of panic attacks for me. And she was very pessimistic to the point that she never tried to get better (as far as I'm aware). In retrospect she wasn't very healthy to be around, even if we were close.
So, my question is, is there any suggestions on how to get past this "brain wall" I guess?? I don't know if I wanna contact her again (I think that'd be too stressful) but I just... I was okay until a few days ago. brain please stop being like this
@yellowEyes4455
Sounds like your brain needs closure!
Try writing her a really long letter, pouring everything out that Brian (tee hee) is saying to you.
Up to you if you send it- that might just open another loop. Keep it and add to it as necessary, and see what you need.
Just suggestions from my experience. It sounded desperate, what you went through. It wouldn't surprise me if there wasn't a bit of posttraumatic stress going on for you.
@DavidEss Oof this is late. Thank you for replying tho!
Closure does sound nice; we just kind of drifted apart over time, so we never had an official goodbye. Plus, she once disappeared for like... 3 months? I thought she actually took her own life at that point.
I dunno if I could ever manage to send it... as much as I cared for her, going back just scares me.
And I wouldn't be surprised either; I was 12 years old when we first met, and she was 16 I think? Yeah, little me wasn't at all prepared to help someone deal with a lifetime of abuse, even if I really wanted to. Plus, I've heard autistic people like myself are more easily traumatized.
@yellowEyes4455
At 12 you would have been completely incapable of handling that. I'm 67 and I'm pretty sure I'd be at risk of being traumatised.
Try my suggestions, if you like, and let me know how you get on.
@DavidEss I guess in retrospect she wasn't really that good of a friend, was she?
I'll try it though, and I'll keep you updated on how it's working for me.