Anxiety that the past will repeat itself
Ive been trying for years to forget the past when my family was horrible to me every day. Now I learned to stand up fpr myself it's much better. But when my past abuser loses her temper or says something nasty I see the past repeating itself and I think I never escaped the bad times. This puts me in a bad mood and makes me remember awful things she did for years. If I say anything, my family says I'm a bad person who holds grudges. But it's not a grudge to not trust someone who was violent and dishonest for decades. if my family attacked me when I was little and only stopped because I grew up and defended myself, I know in my heart that they have not changed. They would still bully me if I was small and submissive. So every day I look at my family and I see bullies who are frustrated because they no longer have a victim. And my life is full of negative feelings and anxiety because can't trust or respect them.
@pluckyFarm5111
We can't choose our family but we can choose to stay away from it. If your family is that abusive you have to start a life from scratch. Like from page 1 if that makes sense.
I don't know your life and financial situation (if you're study or have a job) but if you can try to start savings. And keep the money in a place where only you know. Thing is with traumatic experiences is that you need to heal. You need a fresh start and find professional help to overcome this.
And when it comes to professional help, does your country provide it for free? I know many countries have this. If you go to your family doctor and request a therapist they will guide you to one. It's my current case and I'm working slowly on my trauma.
I hope some of this helped you and I wish you the best of luck. Just remember you're not alone on this
@Booklover95 hello again. Thanks for the supportive comment. I'm stuck because my money is tied up in the family business that I've worked in all my life. some people have suggested that I go to a shelter or liive with friends but I prefer to stay and fight for the things I earned like my home and my professional reputation. It really complicated because work and family are all tied up and the business is built on my life's work. I think I've won the fight. once they went so far that I no longer love them they lost any leverage over me. Today I put a stop to another bad thing and I found myself stressing that she would try it again. Then I decided to stop letting it ruin my day be cause I can stop it again. So I think I might have gotten over it.
@pluckyFarm5111 I'm really sorry to hear about the abuse you had to endure. It's great that you have managed to stand up for yourself though, I admire you! The thing is, people who abuse won't stop abusing if they have done so all your life. Their aim is to bring down their victim, and they will try to find ways to do that. If you ae unable to escape from your family, the thing for you to do is to continue standing up for yourself like you're doing.
