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pluckyFarm5111
1,730 M Hopeful Heart
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts52 Forum posts78 Forum upvotes56 Current upvotes56 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2019 Member sinceOctober 27, 2017
Recent forum posts
Anxiety is the root of my anger
Anxiety Support / by pluckyFarm5111
Last post
 August 20th, 2018
...See more After putting up with intolerable things for many years at home, I have recently become prone to angry outbursts. I realized that I get angry because because of my anxiety about something that keeps happening. I resent my family for criticizing me for getting angry occasionally because they yelled at me nearly every day of my life. They feel justified in yelling at me and calling me names all the time, but if I ever raise my voice once I am labeled as a bad person. And the injustice makes me more angry. I am just angry all the time. I have to figure out how to rise above it because those insecure ignorant scum shouldn't have any power over my mood.
Violent older sister
Trauma Support / by pluckyFarm5111
Last post
 March 8th, 2018
...See more My horrible adult sister just cut my hand by yanking away a piece of metal I was holding. Its hard to move on from my childhood when these behaviors keep repeating. When I was little she actually jabbed me in the face with a knife because I was scooping ice cream from a carton and she couldn't wait her turn. Last Christmas she did smashed my glasses into my face because I was taking something from the fridge and she couldn't wait her turn. She's a completely psychopath and no one will believe me because she's decent to other people. Lately, I completely hate her and I'm going to stop feeling bad about it because she deserved to be hated for what she is. And the family business controls all my earnings so I can't get away from her. edited by Rain45 Moved to a more appropriate thread in our forums
Anxiety that the past will repeat itself
Anxiety Support / by pluckyFarm5111
Last post
 February 6th, 2018
...See more Ive been trying for years to forget the past when my family was horrible to me every day. Now I learned to stand up fpr myself it's much better. But when my past abuser loses her temper or says something nasty I see the past repeating itself and I think I never escaped the bad times. This puts me in a bad mood and makes me remember awful things she did for years. If I say anything, my family says I'm a bad person who holds grudges. But it's not a grudge to not trust someone who was violent and dishonest for decades. if my family attacked me when I was little and only stopped because I grew up and defended myself, I know in my heart that they have not changed. They would still bully me if I was small and submissive. So every day I look at my family and I see bullies who are frustrated because they no longer have a victim. And my life is full of negative feelings and anxiety because can't trust or respect them.
Tired of living with someone who doesn't care about me
Depression Support / by pluckyFarm5111
Last post
 December 30th, 2017
...See more Life seems like series of offenses. Even the minor things like someone making me listen to comedy shows all day. I hate comedy acts because they are noisy and vulgar and most of the jokes are stupid and she has them on so loud that I can't ever relax. the narcissist I live with even explains the jokes to me as if I don't understand basic speech. And she bugs me if I go to my room for peace and quiet. if I'm listening to music or watching TV, she changes the program as soon as she enters the room. And those are the good days when she's not swearing and throwing things. I hate my family.
Snowball of disaster
Anxiety Support / by pluckyFarm5111
Last post
 October 28th, 2017
...See more Does anyone else feel that one problem in their past cause more problems and those new problems cause more problems until life is nothing but a giant snowball of disaster making itself bigger and bigger. I don't mean to blame others for all my problems (as my family constantly accuse me of doing), but I feel that my life got off to a bad start because of bad things my parents did, and I've been trying to dig myself out of an ever growing hole or out from under a giant snowball of problems that keeps growing bigger. For example, if you are poor because your parents abandoned you at a young age and you had to take low paying jobs to get by, it is hard to get a decent place to live. If you live in bad conditions, you work harder to try to afford a better life and end up getting sick from overwork which causes you to lose money. If you can't afford to replace broken things in your home to keep it tidy, you get depressed and anxious. People criticize you for the state of your home and you get more depressed which makes it harder to stay healthy enough to earn money to repair your home. The longer you struggle, the more shabby your home becomes. The roof leaks, the fridge doesn't keep cold, the floor rots from the leaking fridge, your neighbor reports you for not keeping a neat yard, you get food poisoning because the fridge isn't cold enough, more and more things go wrong with the house and problems get bigger and more numerous every year. That's what my life feels like. And people who had parents who raised them, helped them through school, and even gave them their own houses for free judge me and say I am lazy or that I have a bad attitude. So many bad things have happened, including family members committing violent crimes, that I think no one will believe I didn't make it all up or that I am not imagining things.
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