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Anxiety and Childhood Trauma
lundesa April 8th, 2022
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Hi. I suffer from anxiety that I developed when I was eighteen years old. I'm now 22 and recently moved out of my mothers house (for the 3rd time) for good. I blocked her, told her she can stay out of my life and I moved far away.


How this happened? Oh, where to start? There's a lot. I'd love someone to talk to about it but the main reason for my anxiety is from my mother and everything she put me through. I kept going back, thinking I needed her but everytime I did, she hurt me more and more. I finally found a great man (my fiance) and my mother would bash him and his name especially when he moved in with me at my mom's house. Things got worse when she came back from a weekend out. She's 40 years old and partying like she is sixteen with 5 other kids who live at home. My sister is 17 and she moved out too because of it.


I'm doing better now, but I have nightmares of her abuse. I'm not sure where to begin on my healing journey. All she did was threaten me, beat me, verbally abuse me and drank. I raised my siblings when she went out to party. Now, I'm gone but it feels like I still cannot escape from it. My grandmother and sister keep sending me messages to talk to her and that "she's still my mother". Honestly, she doesn't deserve that title. She was never a mother. She never cared about me unless I raised her kids I just need some guidance.

5
SlothyNorton April 8th, 2022
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@lundesa Thank you so much for sharing! It takes a lot of bravery to share that.

lundesa OP April 8th, 2022
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Thank you

DarcyLe April 8th, 2022
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@lundesa❤️

PeacenotWar April 8th, 2022
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@DarcyLe❤️

mytwistedsoul April 9th, 2022
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@lundesa Its hard to get away for the exact reason you mentioned - other family. She will probably use whatever means necessary to get what she wants. You made her life easier. She could go do what she wanted while you were the responsible one. Idk what your grandmother is like or your sister - are they just enablers or are they her flying monkeys. Do they know what you know about her? Do they know what she did to you?


I cut my family off too. They cause too much damage otherwise - they've caused enough - so I keep away

You might want to think about a therapist. Because of possible trauma bonding and guilty feelings you might have - plus the nightmares. A therapist can help you with boundaries - if you want to have any kind of relationship with her. You can do those on your own now too. You decide what you'll put up with and what you won't. If she starts when you're on the phone - like if she starts on your fiance - you tell her you're not going to listen to it - you don't have to and hang up. She'll get upset - she'll go to the other people and tell them how horrible and ungrateful a kid you are - then they'll call you but you can have boundaries with them too - they're hard to make at first and they will be tested but you're the one who says what's right for you and you have your fiance too - I'm hoping he's supportive but seriously - I'd look into a therapist - just someone like that who can help you deal with all the emotions that are going to come up - that probably allready have come up and the nightmares

I'm sorry for all the things you went through growing up and for what you're dealing with now - it's not easy

I wish you the best and I'm sending you strength :)

Be gentle with yourself

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