Advice Needed: I'm anxious, while my roommate has PTSD & depression
So... Today could be going better and it's my fault. I know that much is true.
I don't wanna go into too much detail but here's the basic deal. About 8 months ago, my best friend moved in with me because her living situation with her parents was toxic and damaging to her mental health. She has survived a lot. As a result, she has depression and PTSD.
Then there's me. I've never been diagnosed with anxiety or anything, but I'm a very anxious person. I'm socially awkward, I fidget with my hair whenever my hands are free, and I worry constantly.
Before my bestie moved in, I worried about her constantly. It killed me that I couldn't help her much from a distance. I could only talk and try to make her feel better. It only sometimes worked.
Now that she lives here, I think she's doing better. She's in a safe place where can try to heal, at least. However, I keep inadvertently hurting her. I try so hard to be mindful of her triggers but it's not enough. Seemingly small, possibly annoying things I do have a greater impact on her than I expect. My white lies and mistakes send her reeling, spiraling down a dark path. It's a lot of pressure and responsibility.
My question is this: How do I control my anxiety and other negative emotions while I crack down on my bad habits and work on being more considerate?
I'm afraid that I'll start overthinking every little thing I do until my anxiety takes over completely.
Or I'll just keep messing up.
@kwheelz
Hi,
Hm, sounds like you're in a tough situation! Dealing with anxiety and wanting to be there for your friend - I'm so glad that you're reaching out and taking care of yourself 
One of the things that I'm super curious about is how much you might have talked with your friend about her PTSD and Depression. Is this something you've discussed? Does she know her triggers? Is she able to cope with them? Once you're able to get a good understanding of where she's at and what her triggers might be you can be more careful to avoid them (if possible).
I think it's so important to know that even though you feel responsible, your intentions ARE good, and that's what makes it okay. I hope that you're not blaming yourself or feeling responsible for it, because even though it might have triggered your friend, it wasn't your fault and you didn't know.
That fact alone may help with your anxiety - it sounds like from your post you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be there for her and wearing so much responsibility.
The more that you learn, the more that it gets easier. I know my partner and I had a bit of trouble together with me finding out my triggers (not always knowing until after), but the more we understood them, the easier it was to navigate. It does get easier. Try to remember it's up to your friend to work on her own ways of coping and you to work on yours.
@romanticthi3f
My friend and I have an ongoing, ever-evolving discussion about her PTSD, depression, and triggers. She knows them pretty well (she's been actively working with a psychologist and psychiatrist, which I think helps) and has shared many of them with me. This openness has been very helpful. She even admitted I'd been doing really well in general until my big screw-up today. We talked about what happened and why she reacted the way she did so I understand. It's just that there's so much to remember, so many Do's and Don'ts, it can all be really overwhelming. I want to do better but I don't know how to meet her needs without neglecting my own, and vice versa.
She has coping mechanisms which I recognize and understand, but they can be off-putting. She'll leave without a word to go for a walk, take a shower, read a book, sing, etc. Whatever she needs to do to calm down. Sometimes she naps. Whatever she does, she often won't communicate with me until afterwards. So I'm left worrying the whole time, trying to figure out if I'm really the cause or if there's something else bothering her.
When she's upset with me, I feel like a horrible friend and a failure. But I dunno how to keep us both afloat all of the time, either.
@romanticthi3f
Thank you for your kind response, by the way! ❤
@kwheelz
and you're very welcome!
