Ruin
When my anxiety peek, I have paranoia. The world must be out to get me. Not that I’m so important. But that something bad will happen and I’ll be sued. Financial ruin. Everything will be taken from me. I wouldn’t have a bed, a roof over my head. I’ll be on social welfare, trying to make ends meet. Be force to work jobs I don’t like. Everything I work for gone.
It is not true. I know it is not true. But I can’t help thinking I can’t screw up. I can’t afford to screw up.
Anixety says, it doesn’t need to happen now. It can in the future. A possibility.
I am *** at myself for freaking over a possibility. The peace I cannot have because of a possibility. If what I do now won’t alter the future, then what is the point of freaking out? Nothing. A waste of what time I have now. Ugh.
@Mdreaming101
hi :) hope your feeling a little better i think any time spent on realizing something (or thinking about something you have come to realize) is definately not a waste of time and in fact necessary thinking that comes before any change in your life realizing that something specific your doing is just causing you misery and/or holding you back from what you want in your life - so now its just what can you do about what you realized is causing the misery/holding you back? One thing you can do is to just stay aware of what your thinking about and when you start thinking about possible things that could happen in the future the worst case scenarios that you imagine happening distract those thoughts to something else - if not something you need to do in the present just distracting thoughts to anything that reduces stress and panic would be better than thinking about something that causes stress and panic and will affect your ability to make good decisions in the present.
@jennysunrise8
Indeed true so I try to think of the best thing possible. But then I feel very fake. Like it is too good to be true. How will it ever come true? The best thing that could happen is too good, too lucky, too great to be granted to such a tiny ant like me. It is not that I don't deserve, but that I am just not good enough.
The more I think of the very good things, I feel guilty for giving myself hope. Sigh, yup.
@Mdreaming101 having the view of yourself that something just cannot happen for you because your not worthy of it that can affect you working toward it and if you dont work towards something it wont happen so that might be something to work on figuring out why you have this view of yourself and getting to a point where you believe that making an effort wouldnt be a waste of time
I understand fear/doom spirals like that - are you aware of a root cause for this fear?
We're you conditioned to be afraid of financial consequences by others growing up.
Did you experiance or witness someone close to you going through financial instability or ruin.
If you can find the root cause, the core of the fear you may begin to be able to detach current situations from it and also think of things you can do to make yourself feel more safe.
Can you start a small savings account and grow it until you feel half a percent less afraid.
Could you take a course on legal protection for consumers?
I don't have the identical phobia but I do have a pretty pervasive one of failure, making mistakes, and being a failure that I know comes from abuse and gas lighting. I've ended up in the financial ruin part of that thought spiral more then once - though not the being sued part of it specifically.
It's hard to make mistakes because once you wall into the spiral you have to either ride it or calm the storm long enough to find a way out.
I've gotten good at rebuilding and being resilient even though my life actually has had foundations riped away lots of times- so I tell myself yes the bad stuff could happen but even if it does I WILL pick up the pieces and rebuild.
I hope that gives you some insight that might help with your own situation
These are great recommendations for grounding exercises! Deep breathing, focusing on your feelings, and describing your surroundings can really help you stay in the present. If you need advice on a good roof repair team, https://www.eliteroofingny.com/ is the place to go. Challenging your thoughts by looking for concrete evidence is also a great way to manage them.
