I am the smartest and stupidest person I know
Inside of myself, I am constantly switching between feelings of intelligence and stupidly. I never can decide on what I am. As soon as I start to feel smart, something reminds me of why I consider myself stupid. Then something comes up and due to some circumstance I feel smart again.
It sounds to me like you are describing the tug of war with the inner critic. It's like a voice inside that tells you horrible things about yourself that aren't true. If I had to make an educated guess I would say that it's probably due to past traumas that we experience during our formative years.
For example, if you were bullied or had very critical parents or siblings growing up you may have developed an inner critic that sabotages you from moving forward in life. With patience and practice, you can start to discern when this wounded inner critic (which is more accurately your inner wounded child), is putting ideas into your head, (based off of past traumas) because it wants to actually be recognized, integrated and healed so that you can move on.
You can become your own detective and ask yourself why do I believe that I am stupid? Where could this idea have come from? Was their an incident/s where I was told I was stupid? Did it make me feel shame? What other feelings did I feel? What other memories related to this could be buried inside? So questions like this can get the ball rolling to uncover how some of these generated idea about yourself came about in the first place. Let any feelings or imagery come up and just notice it. You may even get emotional as some memories resurface.
Some people call it shadow work, its what's buried in our subconscious, they are the parts of us that have been hurt that hide away in the recesses of our mind. It's a process that takes time, you can do it yourself, but it takes a good amount of studying, dedication and effort. I think doing talk therapy, EMDR or CBT can get you positive results quicker, so if it's feasible for you, maybe these therapies are something to consider.
@aCalmOasis I feel that I know. My Dad and Mom were not very patient with me when I was trying to learn my school work. My Dad told me that I don't understand it because I don't want too. He would say that if It was something that I was interested in, then I would understand it right away. In my opinion He is only 1/2 right. It is true that things that interest me come easier for me. But part of the reason why they interest me is because I understand them easier. Also my peers in school, understood what they were learning a lot quicker than I did. I had to spend hours and hours on homework to try and get it. Often times I was never able to completely understand, or retain it beyond taking a test. Also I got bulled like crazy. It was really really really bad. Tripped in the hallways, Thrown in the Girls Restroom, Hard objects shot at me. I was called Waldo, and other names. The most gross thing they did was lick their fingers and stick in my ear. I remember one day I was minding my own business, and a guy in front of me, just turns around and says "You will never have sex." laughs and looks forward again. Then there was a time when a guy next to me looks at me and says "It must be nice to be you, you were born f*up." I had to put up with all this crap from 5th grade until High School graduation. I also suffered a nervous break down! I am 45 years old, and I still have a hard time believing in myself. 😪
@tryingtosurvive2024
I am so sorry, I know how you feel. I share many of the same experiences you have described in my own childhood. The traditional school system is not set up in a way that accommodates ND kids for the most part. I feel like there is more awareness happening now than in the past, but we still have a long way to go to get to a point where ND kids feel like they are supported instead of feeling isolation, frustration and sadness.
I have come to realize that those experiences don’t have to define me as a person. There are many of us adults with ADHD trying to break free from our traumas and move past them so that we can live happily and give our gifts to the world. It is a work in progress and you are not alone in this quest. You have a unique perspective to share and with some introspection, you just might be able to find a way to turn your suffering into healing. 😉
@tryingtosurvive2024 Hi. I’ve read a few of your posts and your writing is intelligent. I can relate with having different opinions about yourself from day to day. Curiosity, humility and openness to ideas are what really count. I have seen some people with fancy degrees demonstrate astounding levels of stupidity.
@PineTreeTree Thank you for the compliment. 😊 I think what you are seeing is, those people are good at academics, but for some reason they were not taught how to have common sense.
The Britannica Dictionary
common sense noun
[noncount]
: the ability to think and behave in a reasonable way and to make good decisions
I do a lot of critical thinking.