Everyone wants to be neurodivergent

Hey I just wrote a post asking about that. I’m really trying not to be like those people who self diagnose off of a rinky test, but I have been doing some reaserch, and I feel like I might have adhd. I really don’t want to self diagnose but I’m also scared about asking my doctor, so what should I do?

I feel this, it makes me feel weird to try and mention it in certain places in fear of appearing like another kid pointing at one symptom or another that makes them feel trendy. Not sure if that exactly makes sense but I am agreeing with you.

... even moreso with the short wave of 'schizoposting' memes and such... the moment tweens start mentioning their quirky schizoid behaviors is the moment I quit the internet lmao

@Rackson

Hello, I do understand your feelings. With this post, I also don't mean to accidentally offend anyone here, and I'm really sorry if I do.

I understand that having a mental disorder is difficult, and not just a silly craze or a label, and I don't like when people think ADHD and other mental disorders are just something you slap a nametag onto yourself and be like: "OH! LOOK! I HAVE ADHD, HAHA!" I understand the difficulties that come with mental disorders, and how everyone deals with such mental disorders differently. Though, I find this discussion thread to make me feel rather guilty in someway. Idk if my post here is in a different scenario than this, but I felt I had to speak something about it. It's important and VALID you made this post by the way; I'm stating how I feel about this. Also, if I am doing something or somethings wrong when thinking about potentially having a mental disorder: I want to be informed, so I won't insult anyone in the future. I'm one of those people who hasn't been diagnosed with any mental disorders, but throughout the years, I've been questioning myself, and how I acted. I have a therapist, and while we've talked about the topic for a little while, mainly, nothing really came up and we're focusing on other things instead. Two of my online friends, who I play games with, also talked to me about considering the fact I COULD have autism (one friend said this) OR ADHD (another friend, who's diagnosed, said this.) In that discussion, the friend that who thought I had autism, mainly discussed on how I acted younger than a teenager. My jokes weren't funny sometimes. They mainly talked about my silliness and goofiness being an issue, and they were the only ones EVER in my life to call out my silliness in that regard. NO ONE else ever said something. My family is usually silly too, so that could be a factor on why I've never caught it? If it's an issue? I'm not sure. You see, this made me feel confused, as I thought my silliness when I was happy was normal, and it was a good trait. I felt called out and I felt offended. I was somewhat compared to another online friend we have who's been diagnosed with autism. I'm basically like THEM, except (something something something.) While I know I act immature at times, I never thought I acted TOO immature when in a happy mood. So, that contributed to my factors of uncertainty. Even before this discussion, I'd often wonder to myself about my potential to have a mental disorder. I'd often search around the internet, feeling lost and confused with myself, wanting potential answers. This is also contributes to the later stuff in this post I'm making. The friend who said I could have ADHD, mainly considered my hyperactivity in someway. I don't even know if I have complete hyperactivity, and I even say to myself I don't think I have ADHD. The goofiness, however, probably was something with that factor as well. With my family, I'm often called "silly," "silly rabbit," "a fool" (in a jokingly way), and a lot of nicknames related to how silly I am. Around my online friends, my ADHD friend, has mainly said things like: "You're the MOST goofiest person in our group!" "How are you the second most goofiest person I know?" I don't really take offense into things as I usually don't think about it too much. Although, nowadays, here's where I feel guilty. I've become an overwhelming detective for myself, often trying to grab a LOT of pieces of "evidence" and writing them in my journal. Using the internet and such, or just using my mind and thinking how this doesn't seem "right." While I haven't wrote any more things that I've noticed in a while, about myself; I do know that I bombard myself with writing these. Also, this writing occurence appeared around AFTER the discussion with my online friends. Sometimes, I also blabber to myself about having a diagnosed mental disorder, and how people would treat me. I'd basically blabber about scenarios and imagine them in my head. I have a vivid imagination and while I imagine a lot of things; I feel this is wrong to imagine about and just talk to myself casually with made-up scenarios and such. I mainly blabber about dealing with such disorder at school, and thinking about how my teachers and classmates would react knowing the fact I was diagnosed with something. This doesn't go just to ADHD or autism, this goes to other disorders like anxiety or depression. Again, I'm really sorry if I do offend anyone with this, and I don't want to cause anyone to feel a certain way. And, I also take online quizzes (although, not as much as I used to.) However, I'd never say things about actually HAVING such disorder, as I know they are just quizzes. Although, it makes me have a want to be diagnosed, to see if I do have any mental disorder. I know I'd be happy with having an answer, regardless if it's no mental disorder at all or I do have a mental disorder. Idk, I felt I needed to say something about this. I'm on a path of self-discovery, and this whole thing with trying to find out if I have a mental disorder, I don't know if I'm dealing with the topic in an insulting way. I'd like to be known of this, and I'd like to talk about this more, if that's okay. I don't know if this different from the topic here, however, I do hope that everyone here will have blessings and better days ahead of them. 💖

@Rackson

i have undiagnosed adhd, in the sense my dr and therapist discussed I most likely do have it but my mom refuses to have me officially tested. It really sucks because I struggle a lot with it, and so many people annoy me, even my own sister. She will be like oh sorry I forgot about my math work, its my adhd hehe, shes never hyperfixated. Its the same with people saying omg I'm having a panic attack when they arent, I've had panic attacks since the age of six months. 

Im unmedicated and it makes it even worse seeing as I am fake claimed for not being medicated. I assure you professionals pushed my mom to get the test, but since I'm on state insurance my dr cannot require or refer me, its my moms choice.

@Rackson Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to have complex emotions about how ADHD is discussed and understood, especially in online spaces. It's clear that you have a deep understanding of the challenges associated with ADHD, and it's natural to feel a range of emotions when others may not fully grasp the depth of those struggles.

@Rackson

Oh my Lord yes!!!

I have Social Communication Disorder and have to be retested for Autism in two years to see if the diagnosis changes or holds as I grow older. 

I've never understood the appeal of having autism. I mean the social issues to even start with. I don't understand jokes, let alone, facial expressions, body language, or social cues. Plus I have lots of sensory issues. 

My brother has ADHD combined type, so I know what it looks like and I understand the struggles behind it. It's definitely not something that I want or that my brother enjoys. I will never understand people who think it's cool or quirky. 

As an aside to the term neurodivergent becoming cool and quirky all of a sudden, I believe it somewhat has to do with the destigmatization of mental illness, and so now people feel safer identifying with certain mental illnesses. It seems like the ones that are hardest to cope with are the ones that people think are cool or fun to have. 

Anyways, just really wanted to say that I totally agree with what you are saying and I understand it. Here if ya ever wanna talk.

-Nova

@Rackson

Hi Rack! 😊 ❤️ Thank you so very much for your amazing forum post, shedding additional light on this as well as having the courage to come forward and express your feelings in regard all of this. I just so happen to agree with you and completely and I'm sorry that you have to see these things. *hugs* ❤️

Agreed, we should never try to diagnose others nor should we ever engage in self diagnosis. An online quiz is inconclusive and one should be going to a trained clinician as opposed to toying with a readily available online quiz. 

By one claiming to be neurodivergent while not knowing if one truly is does seem to be a trend as of late (along with a lot of other things) and it's not a good one in my opinion. It seems to me, to be making light of the situation. The need to feel special or to create some sort of "crutch" to lean on that may not exist and there for to excuse certain behaviors. I guess it could at times even move into the category of malingering. 

Some can use this self diagnosis in a way to not take responsibility for their actions and almost to say "it's not me that does this, it's that neurodivergent issue over there so I am now absolved".  Nothing can be farther from the truth and whether someone is or is not, we are all still responsible for our own emotional regulation as well as actions. 

This takes away from others that truly are nerodivergent in what ever way that might be. Those that have come to realize, after potentially years of feeling confused and alone, that they are nuerodivergent have had their own "crosses to bare" and maybe always will. Making light of the topic and using this as a tool for attention seeking purposes is sad as well as distasteful. 

The "hero" part of your forum post is that it seems that over time you have finally come to embrace simply one of the things that makes you special and unique! I imagine there are many other things about you as a human being that make you special too! Big Wow! 😊moment my friend!

I commend you, as that truly takes a great deal of growth as well as maturity. Nothing makes me happier than to hear that you have moved into embracing, loving and accepting all of the many things that make you amazing and quite wonderful! ❤️

Others that claim to be this or that, while not being so...well......they haven't had to face certain struggles and maybe simply lack understanding as well as empathy and compassion. "They know not what they do". 

I try to have empathy and compassion for them as well. I imagine many are confused from time to time, reach for answers and look in all the wrong places up to and including the path of least resistance, a silly online quiz. Maybe they wonder "why am I the way that I am" and are on a journey of self discovery and might not understand how harmful it is what it is that they are doing/saying to others and how harmful it is even to themselves. 

Rack, again, many thanks for your beautifully written and well thought out forum post. I imagine your post will also bring a great deal of comfort to others that have dealt with this and to know that they are not alone.❤️

*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️

@Rackson

"im trying my hardest to not gatekeep ADHD and neurodiversity"

This would be like trying to gatekeep amputation or epilepsy, these are not personality traits but literal disorders.

"I feel like so many people these days are looking for anyone to validate their self diagnosis of ADHD."

Never met one.

"On every adhd centered social area I have ever been in"

Never encountered one "adhd circle" in my life, despite I have an official "severe-case adhd" diagnosis from health ministry, through diagnosis by a government hospital. Instead everyone I met in life were non-adhd.

So I can not relate to your post, instead no one wants to have adhd.

I read a book called ADHD 2.0 written by two psychologists with ADHD. They said that while they don’t agree that everyone is a little bit ADHD, because of all the information overload, many are struggling with attention. I forget the name they gave it. But really great read! I haven’t been diagnosed but I have four kids that I’m sure got theirs from me. Just so hard to spend that money on myself.

Hey Rack,

you brought some interesting points, and even because of the reactions you've got, let me add my perspective (that possibly resonates with me as a LGBTQ+ person).

Validation.

I find it that simple. Unless you focus on a group of people that are attention-seekers, which I feel is limited to (a)social networks with young audience, I find that people just want to feel that "they are not alone", and to communicate their stand they've picked the ADHD / neurodivergent / autism label. And it is difficult to object that it is, in fact, great, and it works! We're social creatures and we want to fit in. Not be alone. It is also the reason people are more open nowadays about their mental health issues I think. And that I find positive.

I've heard some estimates are that up to 30% of the population could be hidden under the ADHD label, and this brings me to the other aspect of this – it is generally difficult to draw the line, since the diagnosis is based on self-reporting and lived experience. I believe that anyone can read up just enough things on the internet and "fake" their diagnosis if they wanted, regardless of their condition. Do I care? I mean, I see the official diagnosis as a way to get to the potentially useful medication, not less, not more. I would not be empathetic with a person waving with a paper in my face, but could relate with their struggles.

When I think of the neurodivergencies within the evolutionary process, they are advantageous in some cases, most likely not caused by "a single thing", and there will be a wide range of experiences that can fall under that, including a lot of nuances. For that reason I believe it is not a good approach to try to draw the line, and instead, turn back to "basics" such as: What does it mean to you? What kind of issues do you need to tackle? And here I see a big overlap with the fact that I see myself "somewhere" on the "rainbow spectrum" and I use the labels wherever appropriate to simplify the communication.

By the way, use of language from psychology in a pop-culture, seeping into everyday lives, is a thing that is not limited to ADHD or neurodivergency; it happened in the past, and will most likely happen in the future. I don't think it's necessarily bad, it just often forces us to be more specific when we talk about things. Someone being "toxic", "gaslighting", having "depression", etc. – there is only a vague idea floating around those terms, and you need to be aware that they are not diagnoses, and that everyone finds something slightly different under those terms. If interested, I may try to look up the article I read about this lately.

Validation II.

I feel like the validation, or, in fact, invalidation, is also one of the things that fuel your feelings. I don't think it's the "need to feel special", but rather the feeling that, by accepting that more people use the label, they are invalidating your experience. I don't believe this needs to be the case; I'm not frustrated by the fact "someone is taking over it". In the worst case I can simply be more specific? I'm pretty sure that even among people "officially diagnosed" with ADHD, whatever that means, is such a broad range of functioning impairments, that I don't feel the need to "compare" or "make my ADHD more valid". Who am I to invalidate struggles of the others, however lame they may seem to me?

You may always direct the conversation towards the experiences rather than labels, in case you want to meaningfully participate.

Experience.

As some already pointed out, (outside of the social media,) it is not easy to go around with the ADHD label. The stigma around mental health is still way too high to willingly undergo that. I'm kinda conflicted – at the same time I'd want to freely use that label so that it actually gets more normal to talk about it in general, but I'm afraid of being viewed as someone who is looking for an excuse. I don't want to be treated differently, neither because I'm gay, nor because I identify as having ADHD and trying out meds. And yes, I also don't want to invalidate the experience of you or the others, and that's difficult within the limited space.

Now that I learned quite a bit about ADHD I see a lot of signs similar to mine among my family. But they don't know about my diagnosis. Partly because it's also a taboo; I don't feel welcome sharing it with them. But I also don't want to "impose" problems on them. I've lived with an undiagnosed ADHD my whole childhood and I've only "hit the wall" later in my studies and when I got my job. I was able to mostly manage. As far as I'm aware, they are also managing. And I spot all the workarounds they've came up with and seem to be fine with them.

Which brings me back to the main point – it should be about helping each other to tackle the difficulties we face, not about fighting over labels or diagnoses. I leave the latter for the doctors and researchers.

Hope you're well!

Mel