My husband is an alcoholic
I haven't vocalized it to anyone. But I need to say it somewhere. I have already told him he drinks too much, but he doesn't care. He's a functioning alcoholic - has a job and doesn't drink during the day (as far as I know), but as soon as he's home he just can't wait to pour a drink for himself. He doesn't "have a cocktail." He drinks. I don't even think he cares what it tastes like, just as long as it fills a glass. And I know he has a bottle or two in a closet or hidden somewhere where I don't see because he knows I hate his drinking.
And of course, when he drinks, he's a jerk. And I look forward to when he passes out so I don't have to deal with him.
I'm sick of dealing with it. I miss the person I married years ago. He was nice. He was funny. He was helpful. He cared about things. Now he's just angry and bitter and hates everything and everyone and it's impossible to be around someone like that. And the alcohol just amplifies it.
He won't admit there's an issue except to occasionally say "I know I drink too much sometimes" and as much I think he could really benefit with some therapy, he wouldn't ever consider it.
This is not how I want the next years of my life to play out. I want to have fun and go do things and live life. But without a change, I don't see us doing much of anything together.
Just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe to help me know that it is real and isn't just "he occasionally drinks too much." If I verbalize it, maybe I will stop pretending to myself.
@thoughtfulmomma I have totally been there, momma. If you need to chat, send me a message. It did help me to get the feelings out. I hope it does the same for you.
@thoughtfulmomma
How does it feel now you have started to talk about this? Talking with others is often a necessary step to making changes about something that isn't working. It sounds like you are grieving for losing the person you married, and that can be really tough. And it can be so hard when a person won't take responsibility for their behaviours and getting help, or even admitting there is a problem, and you have to live with those behaviours daily.
Are you in therapy yourself? As one half of the relationship, there is a lot you could do to help it and a good family/relationship counsellor/therapist could be a huge support and practical help.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm going through a similar situation with my boyfriend and it's really affecting our relationship. It helps to know I'm not alone. Sorry you are going through it too.
Similar boat here, except kudos to your husband for holding down a job. My husband is an alcoholic and only works remotely part-time. I'm not sure if I can be of any help but I'm happy to commiserate sometime if you want to chat.
Same currently. I hope everything worked out.
Can't say that I've "been there" since I've never had a husband. (Came close to having a wife once. Different story) I have been around alcoholics, however...for extended periods. Plus a little research a few years back. Speaking from the foregoing:
There are alcoholics who conquer their drinking habits; however their decision to quit is theirs exclusively. No one can make that decision for them. Not every alkie who tries to kick the habit succeeds, either. If your husband is a dedicated drinker & his personality has changed for the worse, then... I don't like to say this but the odds are not in your favor. You might want to reconsider whether you should stay married to him.
If the man is sinking into the rocks glass & doesn't give a d**n then there is nothing you can do about it. Your options now may be to jettison some useless (& toxic) cargo, or sink below the surface with him. The choice is yours.