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@yarayaru what you went through it is not something that can easily be overcome in a short time, you don't have to be hard on yourself if you keep thinking about it. On the contrary, being sober for such a long time is a huge win! That shows how strong and committed you are. The thoughts might still be there, but you are stronger. You might not have found mental peace yet, but if you stay strong and keep walking this path, you'll give yourself a chance to overcome your past eventually.

I don't know if you've seeked support, but that would be a good idea, if you haven't yet. You don't have to carry this burden alone. Stay strong and be kind to yourself, you deserve it!

You haven’t had a drink, which is huge. Thoughts are thoughts. What are some good things that have happened from not drinking?

This person is speaking of harming themselves physically such as cutting themselves, burning, or bruising. I understand your misunderstanding though.

You’re doing great! Just because you have thoughts doesn’t mean you aren’t clean. You got this! Keep going.