3 weeks.
Excuse me if any of this seems like a typo using talk to text because I’m at work, but I just wanted to come on here and say that I am three weeks clean. If you haven’t seen the previous thread, I broke my nose while training and accidentally took an opioid, breaking my sobriety anyway I also came on here to talk about how last weekend my cousin passed away and it’s been kind of hard. I can’t say that he and I were close, but I remember seeing him run around as a little kid. He was younger than I am and last night I went to his viewing. He’s my cousin on my father side side of the family, and my father side of the family is very prideful and and just all around bad people. I might sidetrack a little bit and this thread might get a little confusing but if you’re still reading if you read any of this, I appreciate the time that you took. The last time I saw my cousin was about a year and a half ago my truck simply stopped working on me and he helped me tow it back to my apartment. He was very happy to do so despite the fact that he and I had not spoken in years at that point and you couldn’t even really say we grew up around each other. What hunts me is this one picture that they showed at the viewing of one of his birthday parties she sitting in the middle of the table in front of the birthday cake and my younger brother is standing right next to him and they’re the same height. My younger brother had to be maybe eight to 10 years old and I’m standing in the picture far off to the right next to my father and I’m just as tall as my father, but the last time I saw my cousin was about the same height as me most of the pictures they showed at the viewing were graduation photos. It was a very beautiful service going back to what I said about my father side of the family , there were a few people there that I immediately knew were not gonna want to speak to me and a few that I am surprised even looked in my direction. I’m happy that I got to reconnect with some family. Hopefully, they actually start to look for me every now and then. the bodyaches are gone , the craving of course is still there, but I’m just very happy that my girlfriend was there with me through it all. I don’t know how well I could’ve composed myself had she not been there. I guess I’m happy to hit three weeks sober again. I regret not being closer to my cousin. He seemed like the type of person that I would want to be friends with. Anyway, I kind of lost where I was going with this, but I appreciate you reading it if you read it, I just needed to get this out. Thank you.
@whydoesausernamematter Thank you for opening up and sharing with us, Whydoes. I am glad you reached out and shared with us your experiences. That is quite a lot to process - feeling regret over not being closer with your cousin, dealing with difficult family dynamics and so on. But please know you are doing great by opening up about these challenges. How have you felt since coming back from the viewing?
honestly things got slightly worse. I let all this stuff pile up on me and almost ended my relationship of over 2 years. I nearly relapsed and I’ve had constant thoughts of suicide. But I can’t say they stayed bad. I’m learning to not put my needs away and I’m learning to not carry the weight of all of my loved ones problems. I reached my 30 days clean again on the 9th so im 36 days clean going on 37. I’ve opened up to my wife and my other immediate family about the issues I’ve been facing and things are starting to look a little brighter. This episode I had recently, if you could call it an episode, has shown me that I actually do have a beautiful support system especially in my wife. All I had to do was let her in.
Remember: there's a difference between taking drugs as a crutch to get through life or because if chemical dependency, & taking drugs to ease physical pain due to an injury. As long as you can stop once you're healed, you'll be okay.