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whydoesausernamematter
702 M Little Steps
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts54 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2024 Member sinceApril 15, 2024
Recent forum posts
2 months and 5 days?
Addiction Support / by whydoesausernamematter
Last post
 June 29th
...See more Today I am 2 months and 5 days clean of opioids. Unfortunately this has been overshadowed in my mind as I've recently come to admit that I also have an addiction to pornography. Through some self reflection I've come to notice that I've suffered from this for many many years. Honestly since the moment I had access to Internet. I always knew way too much about sex for my age. I've come to the realization that, unintentionally, I had replaced my porn addiction with an addiction to muscle relaxers and booger sugar, then when I finally shook drugs off me it was like porn never left. I recently started going to SA meetings and the openness and honesty of the groups is helping, but I keep hearing about how without a sponsor, there is "zero chance of recovery." hearing this is very discouraging. if that's the case then did I really ever get over drugs? maybe not having had a sponsor during my still ongoing drug recovery is the reason I still crave it so much and why I get such horrible body aches when I do get the craving. if you read this through I appreciate your time.
3 weeks.
Addiction Support / by whydoesausernamematter
Last post
 May 17th
...See more Excuse me if any of this seems like a typo using talk to text because I’m at work, but I just wanted to come on here and say that I am three weeks clean. If you haven’t seen the previous thread, I broke my nose while training and accidentally took an opioid, breaking my sobriety anyway I also came on here to talk about how last weekend my cousin passed away and it’s been kind of hard. I can’t say that he and I were close, but I remember seeing him run around as a little kid. He was younger than I am and last night I went to his viewing. He’s my cousin on my father side side of the family, and my father side of the family is very prideful and and just all around bad people. I might sidetrack a little bit and this thread might get a little confusing but if you’re still reading if you read any of this, I appreciate the time that you took. The last time I saw my cousin was about a year and a half ago my truck simply stopped working on me and he helped me tow it back to my apartment. He was very happy to do so despite the fact that he and I had not spoken in years at that point and you couldn’t even really say we grew up around each other. What hunts me is this one picture that they showed at the viewing of one of his birthday parties she sitting in the middle of the table in front of the birthday cake and my younger brother is standing right next to him and they’re the same height. My younger brother had to be maybe eight to 10 years old and I’m standing in the picture far off to the right next to my father and I’m just as tall as my father, but the last time I saw my cousin was about the same height as me most of the pictures they showed at the viewing were graduation photos. It was a very beautiful service going back to what I said about my father side of the family , there were a few people there that I immediately knew were not gonna want to speak to me and a few that I am surprised even looked in my direction. I’m happy that I got to reconnect with some family. Hopefully, they actually start to look for me every now and then. the bodyaches are gone , the craving of course is still there, but I’m just very happy that my girlfriend was there with me through it all. I don’t know how well I could’ve composed myself had she not been there. I guess I’m happy to hit three weeks sober again. I regret not being closer to my cousin. He seemed like the type of person that I would want to be friends with. Anyway, I kind of lost where I was going with this, but I appreciate you reading it if you read it, I just needed to get this out. Thank you.
1 week clean
Addiction Support / by whydoesausernamematter
Last post
 April 17th
...See more I guess I won’t go into too much detail right away. For the sake of context though, when I was in highschool i developed a thing for pain killers. This stemmed from an athletic injury like most of the stories I’ve heard unfortunately. But anyway it got pretty bad eventually I got into other stuff to counteract effects. Like doing coke to wake up from a muscle relaxer things like that. Since then I’ve thrown myself into the deep end of combat sports to help me cope and stay clean. On Tuesday of last week my nose was broken during sparring and when I went to the ER the doctors told me they were gonna give me “something small and simple for the pain” Unfortunately I was in so much pain and frustration from the 9 hour lobby wait that I forgot to request that they don’t give me any opioids. About another hour later a nurse comes in and hands me a small pill and a water and I took the pill before he could tell me that it was a very strong opioid. I immediately felt myself sink into the ground, for lack of a better description. Before that I had been clean for 2 years and 6 months. The body aches since the pill the ER gave me have been horrendous. I can’t tell my girl how bad it hurts right now because she knows how bad I was and I don’t want her thinking I’m gonna fall back into it. She never saw it first hand but she knows mostly everything that I put myself through. Anyway I didn’t mean to make this so long I just wanted to tell anyone other than my girl that I made it to a week again. It hurts to start over but everything happens for a reason. If you read this far thank you I really really appreciate it.
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