Site Updates Community

October 2024 Forum Spotlight

by tommy

15 hours ago

...See more October 2024 Forum Spotlight It's that time of the month again where we join together to celebrate the opportunities available to us across the forum. There are two core purposes of our forum spotlight: one to spotlight forum discussions more widely and two to showcase the amazing work of those community users who go above and beyond to help ensure everyone gets a reply to their thread. Here is an overview of our forum discussions for this month: * I'm Just Me Because Month [https://www.7cups.com/forum/trauma/CheckinsandPrompts_1095/TraumaSupportCommunityCheckInforOctober2024ImJustMeBecauseMonth_338157/] * World Mental Health Day [https://www.7cups.com/forum/disabilities/ArticlesResourcesConditionSpecificInformation_458/WorldMentalHealthDay_338207/] * How can I manage changes and life transitions? [https://www.7cups.com/forum/relationships/CopingToolsResourcesforRelationships_1161/RelationshipSupportDiscussionWaystoManageChangesandLifeTransitionsTogether_338525/] * POTS World Day [https://www.7cups.com/forum/disabilities/ArticlesResourcesConditionSpecificInformation_458/POTSWorldDayPosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome_339066/] * Inclusive Trick or Treating [https://www.7cups.com/forum/disabilities/CommunitySpace_227/InclusiveTrickorTreating_339078/] * Parenting Teenagers [https://www.7cups.com/forum/parenting/Parenting_2568/ParentingTeenagers_339581/] Looking to help us with forum engagement? Join our forum team by clicking here [https://www.7cups.com/forum/7cupsleadership/CommunitiesHelpWanted_2306/Soyouwanttobeaforumleader_334833/]. Here is our leaderboard for our monthly engagement challenge (with the number of needs reply posts answered): @Sunisshiningandsoareyou 204 @GentleHealingInitiative 101 @Phoenixthepoised 19 @Optimisticempath 17 You can find out more about this engagement initiative here [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/EventsDiscussions_2666/Introducingournewandimprovedforumengagementchallenge_335791/] (including the link to participate). Are you wanting to get involved with this initiative for the month of November? Let us know about it by replying down below this forum spotlight! Please join me in congratulating our fantastic forum engagers down below! 🔗 Links * Do you want to join our taglist so you are notified of the next spotlight? Click here [https://www.7cups.com/forum/7cupsleadership/ProjectsEvents_2399/ForumEventsAutomatedTaglist_316255/]! * Do you have a thread which you've recently posted that you feel could be highlighted in our next monthly spotlight? Or perhaps you've noticed another thread which you think could be featured in our spotlight? Let us know about it here [https://forms.gle/wGWYW4izzS2Ukrrq6]!

Members - Welcome to 7 Cups! Introduce yourself Here!

by Hope

2 days ago

Distortion 10. Mental Filtering

by Hope

2 days ago

...See more Hi everyone! How's everyone feeling this week? Thank you for following our cognitive distortion series. It is time to cover the final cognitive distortion of this series called ‘Mental Filtering’. Think of it as a spotlight, but one that illuminates only the negative aspects of your experiences, leaving the positives shrouded in darkness. As with many distortions, you may find it overlapping it with covered distortions but also have a unique element of its own which is why it is covered in a separate post. The difference between mental filter and catastrophizing is, the mental filter is like wearing clouded glasses that don’t allow you to see bright colors, meanwhile catastrophizing is like hearing a fire alarm go off every time you see a candle flicker or a pan show a hint of smoke. Catastrophizing is a lot more intense and negative, meanwhile, mental filters can be harder to spot because they feel more real and are less subtle. Instead of blowing things out of proportion, you are just choosing to look at all the negatives and discount the negatives. Catastrophizing can feel like ‘I can see one cloud, it will rain and my outdoor picnic is canceled’. While mental filter can be ‘It has rained 3 times this month when I had outdoor plans, the weather is always bad’’ while discounting the fact that you were able to do 4 outdoor activities during the same month because it did not rain on those days. So, what's the deal with this filter? Essentially, it works like this: * Magnifying flaws: Remember that presentation where you stumbled over a point? Mental filtering blows it up into a neon sign announcing "Public Humiliation!". Meanwhile, those insightful remarks and audience engagement? Meh, barely a flicker on the radar. * Discounting positives: Received a compliment on your writing? Mental filtering whispers, "Just being nice." Did you fail that exam? "Must have been an easy one." Any positive feedback gets dismissed as irrelevant or accidental. * Selective memory: Think about it – every awkward moment, every rejection, every critical comment replaying on repeat in your mind? Yeah, that's mental filtering There are many ways to break free but we will focus on the high-impact ones. * Reflect on the positives, and try to note down all the opposing (positive evidence) to the situation you are applying the mental filter to. * Gratitude journal: Every day, jot down three things you're grateful for – a funny incident, a kind gesture, a personal triumph. It trains your brain to actively seek out the good stuff, like a positivity magnet. This is an important way to long term reframe this distortion and avoid many similar ones. Think of a time you looked at a situation with the mental filter glasses on and how did that work out? What would you do differently today? What we want to do through reflecting on these distortions is to make life easier for us. Life is hard, I don’t need to tell you that, you already know it. But does it make sense to worsen our situation by indulging in negative thoughts? So let's reflect on all these distortions and save ourselves from additional misery. We have a lot more control over the quality of our thoughts than we give ourselves credit for. This is a wrap on the cognitive distortion series. Thank you to everyone who participated, I am very proud of all of you who challenged your negative thoughts, its really hard to reason with our brains and I see the effort you have put in. Remember to submit the series eval form [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdZ-Svf0igRTYst5y-r8m21scUltfV5-cfWxLyzM-tPwvLTVw/viewform]

Distortion No 9. Should statements

by Hope

2 days ago

...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. Today we will be talking about ‘Should’ statements in our cognitive distortions series. As the name suggests, it revolves around ‘should’ beliefs, its imposing rigid/fixed rules on self, others, the world. The world should be this way, I should be this, others should be X etc. You can usually identify these thoughts as they often carry the words ‘should, ought to and must’ The 4 types of should statements as mentioned here. [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfChtZ6VwA_T5ug1RQT4T7RzPdBCxgMpV4cQWhPkYLgN33T-Q/viewform] * Self-directed ‘shoulds’: self-imposed standards that, lead to anxiety, guilt, and shame. * Other-directed ‘shoulds’: expectations of others which, lead to anger and conflict. * World-directed ‘shoulds’: expectations around how the world should work, which can lead to frustration and entitlement. * Hidden ‘shoulds’: implicit standards revealed in our reactions (e.g., getting frustrated with oneself after making a mistake). Let's look at what this can look like for a person: * I must change my appearance to look good (This can include losing/gaining weight or getting cosmetic procedures done) * He should have spent more time with me. (Often we think of these shoulds after a relationship falls through) * I should be happier in life * This lecture should be more research-based As always, it's only an issue if it's starting to impact the quality of your life. Sometimes we have to think hard even to notice that it is. In moderation, should statements are not always bad, It is good to think about how we can improve but it becomes an issue when we use these shoulds as a way to avoid responsibility, you say you failed a class because the class should have been easier but does that change your grade? Or you may be waiting to achieve a very unique physique and discounting all that you currently are. For this distortion, we will be doing the following! Notice when a should statement pops up, likely, reading this post has already brought to your attention your more prominent should thoughts. Ask yourself the following questions: * If you took out the ‘should/must/ought to’ how will you see this situation? * Where did this should statement start? (Where did this belief originate, this helps us figure out if these are even our own) Once you have explored the statement and have a better understanding of it. The second step is to soften the words a bit. You can want things without imposing such fixed/rigid beliefs. Lastly, it helps to reflect on this from a more compassionate outsider perspective by assuming this is your friend who is dealing with this. * Change the terms of should/must/ to lighter terms like ‘prefer/wish’ * What would you say to a friend who is imposing such fixed/rigid rules/behaviors on themself? Let's see what it can look like when you do this exercise: Please take a moment to complete the exercise and share your thoughts with us! ------------------------- View the full list of distortions covered here! [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/Learningaboutcognitivedistortions_313974/] Join the tag list to be tagged on these posts here! [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfChtZ6VwA_T5ug1RQT4T7RzPdBCxgMpV4cQWhPkYLgN33T-Q/viewform]

Distortion 8. Labelling

by Hope

2 days ago

...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. Time for another cognitive distortion post. Today we will be talking about ‘Labeling’. Labeling can be seen as a more extreme form of overgeneralization. As the name suggests, it involves assigning labels to yourself, others, and events. Examples of labeling: * Classifying someone as innocent or sneaky based on one interaction. * Thinking you are stupid for not doing well in a specific field * Believing someone else is not competent based on one or two skills alone. Like most cognitive distortions, it will at times overlap with other distortions such as generalization and binary thinking (black-and-white thinking). What makes it stand out is the focus on labels. What we can learn from this distortion is to pause when we put a label on ourselves, someone else, or something, especially a negative label, and truly reflect on the validity of that label. Is your friend really awful for ignoring you or is he struggling to cope with his changed environment and as a result unable to respond to you? You may think why you would want to stop labeling. Because it paints a false picture of reality and stops you from seeing things as they are and many times makes you more miserable than you have to be. When we label someone, something, or even ourselves, it really disrupts our peace and at times makes it hard for us to appreciate people and even our own selves. People and situations are often too complex to fit into these labels. A better way of seeing things is to label behaviors rather than individuals, this way you can actually provide constructive feedback or even work on fixing those behaviors within you. If you believe you suck at making friends, that's not helpful but if you reflect on it and realize you have trouble starting conversations, you can now work on it without feeling poorly about yourself. It's also more specific and therefore more actionable. Let us again practice reframing our thoughts! For this distortion, it is helpful to reflect on why you gave it the label and what facts/observations can oppose the label so you can see the whole picture We will use the same technique we have been using in other posts: 📢Points of Action: * Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall yours from our last posts) * Counter your negative thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience. Reflect on a time when you labeled something or someone and later changed your mind. Please share with us!

Distortion 7. Comparison

by Hope

2 days ago

...See more Hi everyone! I hope you have been well. Another week, another post on cognitive distortion. I hope you have gotten the chance to read the previous posts. If not, you can do so here! [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/Learningaboutcognitivedistortions_313974/] I was thinking of what distortion to tackle next and then I came across one that I believe most human beings can benefit from. It is ‘Comparison’. So it should be noted that not all comparison is bad, nor can we classify them every time we compare something as bad. It is at some level required for us to make sense of things. For example, we compare the prices of different products before making a selection, we weigh out the pros and cons of selecting a certain school for a specific degree, all that is perfectly fine. It is even okay to compare our life situations with someone else to feel inspired! Your friend who failed half the classes last year is scoring As this year, how inspiring! Nothing wrong with feeling more motivated to do better on your grades. However, where it becomes an issue is when we fixate on other’s accomplishments and don’t give ourselves enough credit. So if you feel bad because your friend is improving more in grades than you are then its an issue. Or we pick out the setbacks of someone to feel better about our lack of effort. In both cases, comparing our situation with someone else when we don’t have all the facts or we have vastly different circumstances. Examples of ways in which comparison is not helpful with a potential reality in the brackets to help you reflect on what we miss when we make these comparisons. * My friend is so much happier than me. She can buy anything she likes. (Her parents are rich but the family never spends any real time together. She wishes she could have a family like yours) * Stacey looks so much better than me. She just naturally likes healthy foods. I wish I was like that (Stacey struggles with an eating disorder and is not comfortable making that public) * My neighbor bought a brand-new car, mine breaks down every other week. This just sucks (The neighbor is a retired 60-year-old person, and you are 30, and it is natural to not be able to afford the same) Comparison as a cognitive distortion is a tad bit tricky. It's a problem when it becomes recurrent and it starts to bother you. If you are consistently finding yourself living your life just trying to catch up to everyone else without real consideration for what you truly want, then you need to address it. Some reasons why we compare: * We want to fit in. We think we won’t be accepted if we won’t look a certain way, have certain things. This could be true for certain groups of people. But that just means they are not a good fit for you. If you need to maintain a lifestyle beyond your means to fit in with a group of people, they are not your people! * We feel insecure, we lack self-esteem so we look around ourselves hoping to feel better if we can have a better house or more popular friends then perhaps we are worthy? In reality, no materialistic thing or a social group can help you feel more secure/increase your self-esteem. That's a job for yourself. * Society insists we follow certain standards. Perhaps your mom comments on your weight which makes you want to look a certain way. Maybe your rich friends are more respected than you are and you crave that respect but society is not a reliable friend. The standards can change and the same things it pushed for can again become undesirable. So well what do we do about our need to have things simply because someone has them or be like someone else because they seem happier? We can work on our self esteem and sense of worth. Here are a few ways we can work on it: * Starting and ending your day on a grateful note. Start your day thinking of what you have, not what you don’t and end it on the same note. * Consistently incorporate some way you can feel fulfilled or useful. Volunteering is typically a good way to go about it. You can volunteer at your local animal shelter, some local charity or even 7 Cups! But you need to do something you truly care for. * Make an attempt to reflect on what you are missing when you are idolizing a certain someone or something. Is it really something you want or does that help you feel a certain way you desire to feel? Do you want that better car because its reliable or because you like the way people treat your neighbor when he drives it. * Realize that if you did not have what you have now, there is a good chance you would be jealous of yourself. So for this post we are gonna practice reframing a bit differently. Here is how we will tackle our need to compare. I encourage you to do this for a week! 1. Start your day by recalling 3 things you are grateful for. End the day with the same. This can be the same things every day or different, does not matter. Could be so small as a good cup of coffee or as big as a roof over your head. 2. Every day do something for someone else. Even a smile counts. Listening to a member on 7 cups for a few minutes in a group room counts. Checking in on your stressed-out friend with genuine interest counts. 3. When you find yourself longing for something someone else: * Pause, and ask yourself if it has true value in your life? Do you really need the Gucci perfume your friend bought that you never thought of before this moment? * If not then what are you really desiring? 4. Take a piece of paper, write down every good thing about yourself and truly take a moment to reflect on how many people would love to have these qualities, skills and even possessions. Then reflect on what it would be like if you woke up one day and did not have some of it? Perhaps you go from being great at writing to not know how to write or maybe you lose your ability to play your favorite sport. This negative visualization can bring into perspective the many things you take for granted. Further Resources: Zero Sum thinking [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HsHangout_1970/CommunityLessonsRecognitionandZeroSumThinking_224428/]

Distortion 6. Fallacy of Change

by Hope

2 days ago

...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. It's time for our 6th post in the cognitive distortion series [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/Learningaboutcognitivedistortions_313974/]. Today we will talk about the fallacy of change. I find this definition by PsychCentral to best describe this distortion, ‘The fallacy of change has you expecting other people will change their ways to suit your expectations or needs, particularly when you pressure them enough.’ I think part of it is that we often believe our way of the world to be objective or for the lack of a better word, ‘superior’. The way we wish to do things to us appear the best way there is. So when someone or something does not follow our established patterns, we want them or it to change. However, these unrealistic and sometimes unreasonable expectations lead to resentment and general negative feelings. You feel wronged/let down when people/things don’t change. The other big problem with this way of thinking is that we wait for things to happen to be happy/be at peace. If your parent does not change, you fail to see anything you can do to improve your life quality. It's very easy to feel like you have no power in life and you are a victim of circumstance. The reality is whether we are right or wrong, things/people rarely change just because we want them to. This quote sums it up quite nicely ‘Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have trying to change others.’ - Arnold Glasow. So in many ways, we need to be aware of this fault in our thinking so we can reduce some of the added misery/negativity in our lives that come from our need for others to change. Examples: * You have made a friend who has always liked partaking in sports as a social activity. He loves to play tennis with his friends so much so that he only meets his friends when he is playing a sport. You met him when you tried the game, and became friends but you could not appreciate the game. Now you are showing up to play games to hang out with your friend but deep down you are waiting for this person to change their desired hang-out spots to suit your needs. * You took a course that is heavy on memorization. You struggle with memorization and fail to see its value. You believe the course should be changed to better suit the learning goals of today. The professor refuses your request and that has you upset. * You joined a company where existing people deal with office politics. You don’t want to play the game and you are hoping they will change their ways to create a better workspace. You can typically identify this pattern as it often starts with ‘If Only…’ If you noticed the demands/expectations of these examples are not that unreasonable but still the chances of the situation changing are low. When you know your new friend drives joy from his sporty meetings, there is little chance he will change what works for him. The course you took, you knew what it was, so why would a whole class change to suit you even when you are right? The company you joined is set in its ways, even if yours is superior, other than heartbreak not much will come out of your desire to change the workplace. Even worse, when you refuse to see things for what it is. You end up at risk for some negative outcomes. You may lose a friend if you wish for him to change, and you may fail a course if you don’t manage your expectations. As always let’s challenge our negative thoughts and break these patterns that hold us back To practice shifting our perspective and helping us not feed unrealistic expectations: * Let's reflect on a time when we expected something/someone to change. How did that end up working out? * What would you have done differently if you knew about this fallacy? Further Resources The Fallacy of Change [https://youtu.be/ZEZlzP7_ZnQ?si=sI3jGrBQUJQNJ7nQ]

November 2024 Community Update!

by GlenM

2 days ago

...See more Dear Community, November is here already! The fall flies by for me. My big kids (now in college as sophomores) are coming home for Thanksgiving. I can’t wait to see them and hang out. I’m also looking forward to Cupsgiving with all of you! @ASilentObserver has been sharing a little bit of the plans here and there with us. I have one update that I haven’t shared much about yet. It has been on my to do list for weeks and I need to write an article, but here is a brief summary: Noni is now performing at a fair level on the Session Rating Scale [https://greenspacehealth.com/en-us/session-rating-scale-srs/#:~:text=Each%20line%20indicates%20a%20scale,SRS%20cut-off%20is%2036.]. This is actually a remarkable accomplishment. And, here is the bigger and better insight, which most all of you predicted. Even though we now have a bot that is doing great, people still VASTLY prefer talking with a human. And it isn’t even close. The idea of mattering to another person is likely a hugely therapeutic ingredient. We’ve known this, but this spells it out even more. @healingtalk shared the insight that AI is like decaf and a human is like caffeinated coffee. I thought that was a good way of capturing it. I still believe that AI is important and plays a role both in Noni form and also in Just-In-Time-Training, but as we’ve said many times. Listeners - human to human connection - is primary. The next big announcement I’ll share soon is a way of surfacing local resources (like shelters, food pantries etc.) to help people on the ground. We’ve been working on this for 3-4 months now and I hope to share it with you all in the coming week. Last, a big thanks to all of you for celebrating with us! If you haven’t seen it yet, check out our award video here [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgL5UERnQ4U&ab_channel=7Cups] and as my kids would say “smash that like button!” With gratitude, Glen H World Mental Health Awareness Month may be over, but self-care is forever. After reading this update, head on over to this post to pass the checkpoint [https://www.7cups.com/forum/gratitude/General_2448/WorldMentalHealthDaySelfcarecheckpoint_338244/]. If you can make it a daily habit, let me know and I will shout out to you! The Member Welcome Committee continues to scale efforts to connect with newcomers around the clock. In our 4 months of activity, we’ve PMed over 15000 newbies! We need more help in different timezones so if you’re a Verified Listener who wants to make a big impact in our community, I would love to have you on our team. Find out how to apply (here) [https://www.7cups.com/forum/welcome/TheWelcomeCommitteeTeam_2670/CallingAllVerifiedListenersHelpWantedonthe7CupsWelcomeCommittee_332406/] and drop me a PM if you have questions! And lastly, if you’re someone who struggles with comparing themselves to others, I’ve written a post just for you: Breaking the Comparison Cycle. [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HsHangout_1970/BreakingtheComparisonCycle_339089/] Hope We opened all 4 of our forum workshop series. You can now participate in all posts of a workshop series and become eligible for a certificate. The series cover the topics of Anxiety, Cognitive distortions, building self esteem and setting and achieving the right goals. View more information here [https://www.7cups.com/forum/community/General_2530/Allforumworkshopseriesnowavailableforalimitedtime_338545]. The deadline for earning the certificate(s) is November 30, 2024. However you will likely need to start much in advance to finish on time. October was full of progress in Academy. We reviewed applications and streamlined the process by removing some questions, making it easier than ever to join. More info on the programs offered can be found here [https://www.7cups.com/forum/academy/ResourceCenter_2269/AcademyProgramscoursesandtrainingsAmasterpost_335067/]. Moreover, the much awaited Academy Summit and Ripple effect badges became available and were assigned to all who completed academy programs and courses. You can view more information here. [https://www.7cups.com/forum/academy/AlumniClub_2312/AcademySummitandRippleEffectBadgeAwardees_338138/?post=3678997] Also, 7 Cups Academy participated in World Mental Health day events with a series of themed polls. You can view them here. [https://www.7cups.com/forum/academy/FunCorner_2196/AcademyPollsRound7Masterpost_338063] Lastly, we rolled out Monthly Review Highlights and Certificate for academy mentors where each month all positive reviews will be showcased and mentors will be awarded a certificate for reaching 10. You can view the very first post here. [https://www.7cups.com/forum/academy/AcademyTeam_2313/MonthlyAcademyMentorReviewsOctober2024_339460/] Last but not least! We rolled out a fresh new challenged for our teens and adult-teen listeners. 4 weeks of side quests aimed to help us all be kind to ourselves and others. Join it here. [https://www.7cups.com/forum/teens/EventsForTeens_1546/QuestsofKindnessWeek1Kindnesstoyourself_339378/] Obs October was World Mental Health Awareness Month and Group Support hosted several sessions. Heather & I were reflecting the other day on how group support organized events every month this year and after a long time, we are close to organizing events throughout the year. It is a nice small progress and win for Group Support and the credits for making it possible go to every person who participated and empowered each other in the group support. I look forward to having more awesome events in the upcoming months and years in collaboration with the community. T h a n k Y o u!! In the other news, we relaunched the Project Group Support Buddy [https://www.7cups.com/forum/groupmod/GroupSupportTeam_2152/RelaunchProjectGroupSupportBuddy30_339047/]. It is the third version of the program and so far the simplified version. Thank you to all leaders and buddies for coming together to make this version possible. The goal of the project is to help all group support leaders feel more closely connected to the group support team and equipped in their roles to support the community and each other. SoulfullyAButterfly This month, we launched our closed group based Wellness Accountability Huddle. This 5 week group opportunity helped us build closer connections and users have been supporting one another in their wellness goals pursuits. We plan to extend the Huddle beyond the planned 5 weeks and will soon announce ways to join in the supportive environment achieved. We also launched a call for testers [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/SoulfullyAButterflysContentGarden_2136/CallforTestersAIBotsReviewforMentalHealthSupport_338925/] for AI bots, namely Noni and an external app called Wysa. This test will be launched soon in the coming weeks and we will share results with the community. Lastly, our World Mental Health Day contributions involved our ambassadors and admins sharing tips on how to prioritize workplace wellbeing - in case you missed it, you can read these great actionable insights here [https://www.7cups.com/forum/career/General_2503/WorldMentalHealthDayPrioritizingWorkplaceWellbeing_338251/]. Evelyne A lot of progress for each team! AL: We’ve addedd a new co-ambassador to the AL grading team. Please welcome @positivepumpkin22! She has been an integral part of the team as a ML, so this is a well deserved promotion. AE: This month we are welcoming two people to the team: @Winfleur and @HopieRemi. “@Lou73 is now a PA! We have completed over 100 evaluations this month and are looking into options for consistent fails. CT: The Care Team is doing great and continuing to support our fellow Listeners! We are always looking to add more members to our team, so if you are looking for a new role in the community and you love supporting your fellow Listeners, don’t hesitate to apply! You can reach out to @LittleBirdie30 or @SnowTabby with any questions! On LCT, @Hopieremi has joined as the newest PA and had a great AMA. They also have a new teen coach! ST: 4 new SP members and counting! We've been focusing a lot on team outreach and recruiting. This month so far we've completed 22 profile violation outreaches and 3 discussions. CheeryMango As we enter into the holiday season, we’re excited to announce our annual events, Cupsgiving and Cupsmas! These gatherings are a wonderful opportunity for us to celebrate together, share our gratitude, and spread some holiday cheer. Upcoming Events: * Cupsgiving: November 15th-30th * Cupsmas: December 1st-25th Community Launch: In the coming weeks, we will be launching the Men's Issues community. This initiative aims to create a supportive space for discussing topics relevant to men’s experiences and challenges. We encourage everyone to participate and share their insights. A friendly reminder for all forum supporters, community mentors and community mentor leaders are asked to fill out the Subcommunity Leadership Check-In Form [https://docs.google.com/forms/u/2/d/1IiVSq3OubFdfQ1nkI8ZHCy_QXABHXyyz55JKRRAEu50/viewform?usp=mail_response_notification&edit_requested=true] for the month of October so we can keep updated on what’s going on in your team and roles and see how we can offer our assistance. Lastly, if you notice or experience any difficulties while using the forums, please help us to track and report any bugs in this thread. A gentle reminder when reporting bugs or issues, please give as much detail like time and location as to where it was experienced and include screenshots or any error codes so we can properly investigate it. Thank you for your continued support and here’s to what the new month brings.

Listeners - Welcome to 7 Cups! Introduce yourself Here!

by Hope

3 days ago

Distortion 5. Emotional Reasoning

by Hope

3 days ago

...See more Hi everyone! Thank you for following our learning about cognitive distortions series. You have shown great courage by challenging your negative thoughts and putting in consistent effort to reframe your mindset. All this consistent work will pay off! Today we will talk about another common cognitive distortion that can mess with our minds. It is called ‘Emotional Reasoning’ also known as ‘Feeling Driven Thinking’. Simply put it's a fault in our thinking where we rely on our feelings to decide if something is true, even when the evidence states otherwise. It does overlap with already discussed cognitive distortions such as mind reading and catastrophizing. Still, it's important to look at this alone as we need to understand that regardless of the intensity of our emotions, feelings alone don’t dictate whether something is true/false, right or wrong. Example: * You feel guilty because you had to cancel a meeting with a friend. You believe you did something wrong based on your feelings of guilt when in fact you had no choice but to cancel as you fell sick. * You believe your teacher could never treat someone poorly as she is always nice to you. When in fact several people have stated experiencing unjust treatment. * You suspect your partner is cheating on you but there is no clear evidence that can support this feeling * You believe you are not worthy of a role, despite having done many projects with the skill set needed to complete this new role. * You think no one cares about you as you feel lonely but people consistently reach out to you and make an attempt to include you in their events/meet-ups. It is important to understand that your feelings are valid and there is plenty of room for you to sit with them. However, your feelings do not dictate reality. It's important to make this distinction that how you feel does not equal how it is! This empowers you to see the world beyond the lens of emotions open yourself up for more opportunities and avoid unnecessary heartbreak. As always we will try to use facts/evidence to counter these strong thoughts and feelings so we can have a more neutral view of life. 📢Points of Action: Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall this from our last post) Counter your emotional thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience. ⭐After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise. ⭐ When was the last time you engaged in emotional reasoning and what likely was the truth of the situation based on facts/evidence? Additional Resources Emotional Reasoning [https://www.psychologytools.com/resource/emotional-reasoning/] ------------------------- This post is part of the 'Learning about cognitive distortions series'. The series starts here! [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/Learningaboutcognitivedistortions_313974/]

Distortion No. 4: Personalization

by Hope

3 days ago

...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are well. Thank you for participating in our cognitive distortion series. You can check out all the previous posts in this series here [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/Learningaboutcognitivedistortions_313974/]. Today we will be talking about a very important cognitive distortion. I believe reframing this type of thinking can greatly improve the quality of your life. It is ‘personalization’. Personalization is one of the cognitive distortions where you believe that things are connected to you even though you have nothing to do with them. Another way people fall prey to personalization is when they believe they are responsible for things outside of their control. Examples of personalization and in the brackets are what usually is the reality: * My friend did not pair with me for this project, he does not value me. (In reality the teacher asked the friend to pair up with X person to ensure X person is well supported) * I was 15 minutes late to class. My professor must think I am so tardy (so is half the class, the professor realized the traffic must be bad.) * My partner broke up with me because I am not a good enough person to stay in a long distance relationship with (Your partner broke up because she was moving away and did not wish to do long distance, which had nothing to do with your worth) * If I had only reminded my sister to carry her sweater to her practice, she would not have caught this cold (There is no guarantee the lack of a sweater caused the cold, nor are you responsible for preventing it) * My boss has been so reserved and quiet all day. It must be that I could not submit my report on time (Your boss is sick and does not have the energy to communicate more than needed, your boss does not even remember the report delay) The key thing in this cognitive distortion is taking things personally. It's important to understand that a sense of responsibility/accountability in life is important. It helps you lead a fulfilling life. However, to be able to take responsibility and be accountable for what is truly your responsibility, you need to learn what is related to you and what is not. Here are some areas/examples where it is reasonable to feel accountable/responsible: * How you process your emotions/feelings (Getting angry is not up to you but how you process your anger is up to you) * To arrive on time for a meeting (even if the other person is late, you are only responsible for your time management) * To leave with a reasonable time gap for something important (Even if you meet unexpected traffic and end up getting late, so what? Happens to all of us) You taking responsibility for your actions does not save you from unexpected detours in your ideal plan. Take them as an expected and consistent part of life and these should not deter you from doing the right thing! The reason why this post has also explained what responsibility/accountability can look like is so people don’t confuse a lack of accountability as correcting personalization. So we need to separate what is not our problem (in simple terms) so that we can have the energy to deal with the very many problems that are our responsibility. We will use the same technique for practice as before. The reason for the same technique is so we can get very used to thinking this way when we are faced with unhelpful thoughts. 📢Points of Action: * Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall this from our last post) * Counter your stressful thoughts with positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience. ⭐After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise. ⭐ How often do you engage in personalization and how does it impact your life? Further Reading/Resources Video explanation of the distortion [https://youtu.be/E7yf7lNhkzM?si=3Yy_uUnq_IXFSX9u] Responsibility Pie worksheet [https://www.selfhelptoons.com/personalization-and-blame-reducing-guilt-and-shame/] (Highly recommended)

Distortion 3. Black and White Thinking

by Hope

3 days ago

...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are well. We have covered two distortions so far, catastrophizing [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/LearningaboutCognitiveDistortionsDistortionNo1Catastrophizing_314208] and mind reading [https://www.7cups.com/forum/siteupdates/HopesCorner_2162/Distortion2MindReading_314894]. Please check them out if you have not yet. Today we will talk about black-and-white thinking, also known as polarized thinking, all-or-nothing, or binary thinking. It is the tendency to think in extremes and ignore grey areas. Either something/someone is great or horrible, no in-between. Healthline, in this article, makes a good point ‘There’s a reason most people don’t live on Everest or in the Mariana Trench. It’s hard to sustain life at those extremes.’ Examples of black-and-white thinking: * Seeing people as good or bad. X is a good person, Y is a bad person. Failing to see grey areas, areas where X is acting poorly or Y is acting in a good manner. * Seeing something is smart or stupid. Your peer presented a project in class, you failed to see its value and deemed it as entirely stupid. On the other hand you presented a project and dismissed a valuable constructive critique as you believed the project to be good and therefore it has no flaws. * Thinking you are a failure because you don’t do well in school. You disregard your other strengths and focus on the negatives that weigh you down. * Thinking someone hates you because they were rude to you once. * Thinking you have no friends as you were unable to meet your friends for a month due to busy schedules. The reality is that most of life happens in grey areas. People are far more complex than being good or bad. Similarly, situations we face are often not all good or bad. There are times when we face exceptions to this rule, something tragic happens or we lose someone we love. However, in this post we are talking about the tendency to think black or white in general, creating a pessimistic point of view in life. We will use the same technique that we have been using in other posts where we train ourselves to not think in extremes. 📢Points of Action: Find out your personal hit rate (how accurate your negative assumptions are), don’t just assume, look into your past and get an accurate percentage. (You can skip this if you recall this from our last post) Counter your black-and-white thoughts with counter-positive thoughts based on logic/facts/experience. ⭐After practicing this with at least one thought. Tell us about your experience with this exercise. ⭐ When was the last time you engaged in black-and-white thinking and what actually ended up happening? Further Reading How Black and White Thinking Hurts You (and What You Can Do to Change It) [https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/black-and-white-thinking] 🗒️If you are interested in making a post or more in this series. Please reach out to me via PMs.

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