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Open Communication! Tips & Tricks!

Laura July 23rd, 2015

Today, the mentor community had an awesome chat on open communication! We came up with an awesome list of tips, that I wanted to share with all of you!

ENJOY!

How to incorporate open communication into your life:

1) Avoid triangulation

2) If its a hard topic to discuss, overcoming fear is important to moving forward.

3) Remain judgement free. This helps you stay approachable!

4) If I'm not sure what to say, but I know I need to say something, I will write it out before hand, step away for a few minutes/an hour and then come back and see how I feel about what I wrote. This helps me process the most important points and gives me time to think through exactly what I need to say

5) Compliment sandwich, when it comes to giving feedback -- a compliment, something to work on, another compliment

6) If someone treats me poorly, I don't take it personally. I know I have strong communication and this person does not yet

7) Be ready to listen as much as you talk

8) Set some guidelines before you dive into the meat of the topic

9) DEARMAN technique: http://www.7cups.com/help-managing-emotions/

It's a really useful DBT technique for speaking with others. You first explain the situation as it happened -- objective to make sure you both know what you're referring to. Then you go into how you're feeling about that situation, talking about you, not them.

Then you go into what you want from the talk, what the goal is. Be clear and assertive in that. Then go into why this is good for both of you, how this works out for the better overall. Be calm, mindful, clear, confident, assertive. But also willing to negotiate. Like others said, it's a 2-way street, so let the other person talk and share their view and find something that works for you both and still reaches the goal

10) Staying focused/staying in the moment is important when communicating

11) Remember that we all see the world differently, we might have to adapt our communication style to fit someone else's world.

12) Not necessarily having an agenda when communicating also- being open to whatever they have to say. Being okay with hearing something uncomfortable

13) Adapting to different scenarios is important, like Sam says, but staying true to yourself and sticking to your beliefs is incredibly important, too. Somebody mentioned equality in chats before and it being a two-way street. You have to compromise, but so does the other person.

14) Non verbal communication- body language, facial expressions, etc.... Because your body language might be very different from what you are actually conveying with words.

15) Negotiation: What you think is the solution might not be what the other person sees as a solution. It may have costs that you didn't realize, or put additional stress or discomfort on the other person. Or maybe you benefit from it when they don't

If you're going to expect someone to go along with a plan, it should be one that they agree with, otherwise it isn't likely to work nearly as well. Because what you need or want is often different from what someone else needs, wants and is able to give to meet your and their goals. You need to figure out what's agreeable on both of your sides and come to a mutual understanding.

16) Compromise and collaboration mutually

17) It may be something you feel really opposed to personally but you cannot let that cloud your judgement while Listening


31
Dovah July 23rd, 2015

So informative, and very helpful. A post bound to benefit the entirety of the community!

Katheryn July 23rd, 2015

Awesome post, Laura! Everyone, feel free to add your tips here too! :)

starlightblacklight July 23rd, 2015

Great points. I love the empathy you were able to tap into with theses tips. It's hard to remember to truly consider what the other person is going through when you are in pain. I think that staying present in the moment is key to hearing instead of planning what to say next. Breathing techniques and taking a brief break can help with this also. I think one of the biggest obstacles to open 2-way communication is the wrong idea people often have. It helps me to remind myself why I am having the conversation in the first place. I ask myself is it more important to improve the situation or to be right? I would rather make things better than try and always be right. In my mind it's not who is right or wrong. Communication is a team support not a competitive one. We both win or we both lose. When we foster respect and openness to learn about ourselves and each other we grow together and can make things better as a team. :)

Lee July 24th, 2015

I think it's awesome that you employed DBT here!

mscoxie July 24th, 2015

Great post!! Thank you :)

Ila July 24th, 2015

Loved that post (: hopefully everyone will keep those points in mind!

EmberT July 24th, 2015

Yet another amazing post from Laura :) Thank you for this. I pocketed this for future reference, and I honestly love the DEARMAN approach.

Tusharhear July 24th, 2015

thanks for sharing :)

AtYourService July 25th, 2015

What does triangulation refer to?

2 replies
Lee July 27th, 2015

@AtYourService

Involving someone else in a matter that should be between two people, and kind of pulling them into the situation. This can be as simple as someone talking to another person about someone, meaning to vent, but actually pulling them into the situation unknowingly, and from there it becomes gossip/backtalking/etc.

1 reply
AtYourService July 30th, 2015

Ooh that's a neat term to have, thanks!

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Johnny20 July 25th, 2015

That's a great post with useful information and tips! thank you

2 replies
Laura OP July 25th, 2015

Glad it was helpful @johnny20

Any point in particular stick out for you?

1 reply
Johnny20 July 25th, 2015

7) Be ready to listen as much as you talk

Listening is perhaps the most difficult to master communication skills. It's funny to see that few people know how to listen, since there are so many people wanting to talk. It turns out that since high school we are taught to write and talk, but very little listening.

When we learn how to listen, we learn to speak at the right time and properly. This increases our credibility.

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