How to Support your Loved One through an Eating Disorder! - EDAW 2019
Hello Everyone!
Today we are collaborating with Eating Disorders Sub-Community, to bring a forum thread on How to Support a Partner through an Eating Disorder. Eating Disorders can be tricky disorders, and sometimes we can be unsure of what to do - and the different stages our partner may go through as they struggle.
People who are deeply committed to, and suffering from an Eating Disorder will most likely not ask for what they need from a partner. The Protective Wall is usually put up out of fear and guilt, and its important that as a partner you remember that this isnt rejection. So many people smile on the outside, and cry within - and this is common amongst eating disorder warriors. They often desperately want to be close to others, but are afraid to connect out of shame, fear of being vulnerable, or ultimately of being rejected. They may even ask for help, but that shut out loved ones - it can often be a defense against uncomfortable feelings. It can be confusing and alarming as a partner, to witness these behaviours - and it can be difficult to figure out why our loved one is doing this as they are not spoken, but instead are actions.
It is important to empathize with our partner throughout their struggles, eating disorders are secretive and dangerous so it can be easy to see why a partner may choose to hide the eating disorder so that they avoid conflict or make things worse. When we love someone, we often do anything we can possibly do to keep them safe - whether that be pleading for answers or instructions, or becoming tearful and frustrated. It can be easy at this stage to try and manage the behaviours - although this is easier said than done, and almost always is only temporary. I have known of people who have taken doors off, to prevent their partner purging after mealtimes, or forcing their partner to eat to make sure they are getting the nutrients they need. But once again, this is only a temporary solution, and can often cause more harm.
Recovery, isnt just about managing symptoms and it often takes more of a long term approach to recovering from Eating Disorders. It is likely that the recovery process of your partner wont be linear, and there's not much you can do to change that - but you can help support them throughout their journey! The most effective treatment for Eating Disorders is a type of counseling, coupled with careful attention to medical and nutritional needs - but any treatment should be tailored to the individual so this will very much be dependant on your partner and their disorder!
It is okay to admit, that you are not able to fix or save your partner from their eating disorder. It is common to have the mindset that we will be the hero in this nightmare our loved ones are experiencing, but the truth is it will most likely lead to disappointment and frustration by you, and shame and remorse by your partner. In order to start the process of recovery, the individual suffering needs to develop some motivation to change, and the one thing they need during this time is a safe place where they are able to take risks, be vulnerable and make mistakes with the support of their partner.
As Mentioned before, Recovery can be full of obstacles and it takes time. Recovery isnt a linear journey, and there will be set-backs. Working alongside our partner through the change can be difficult, and does require some emotional stigma - but it is always good to seek your own support during this time! There may be lots of emotions that come up throughout the process, and it is difficult supporting someone who is battling an Eating Disorder, but you are not alone - and there are people here to support you!
Lastly, it is important to remember that Eating Disorders often overwhelm and consume victims, and they occupy their minds with negative thinking that interferes with almost every aspect of their life. It can often become a third party in our relationships, and completely overshadowing the personality of our loved one. However, the support and understanding of their partner, can help the sufferer engage with their treatment so that they can experience success.
Eating Disorders can be scary diseases, and it's often difficult to know exactly what to do when we experience them suffering. I hope this post helps to understand the stages of an eating disorder, so that we can recognise the behaviour rather than feeling rejected from our partner. There is this helpful resource about speaking to somebody with an eating disorder, if you are wanting to learn more, you can find it here.
If anybody has any questions, or thoughts please leave them in the replies and we will make sure we get back to everyone! 
Special thanks to @AveryLove for collaborating with me to bring this wonderful post to you! 
Emma
@emsworld love this ems! thanks for putting it up!
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@emsworld this is an amazing and insightful post Emma. thank you so much for creating and sharing it with us.
Sending lots of love and light to those suffering with eating disorders. You are never alone!
@LovelyRose77 <3
Hey @LovelyRose77
Thank you so much for this lovely message. I know a lot of people in our wonderful community suffer, myself included, and messages like yours can help us feel like we are not alone! We appreciate everything you do for this community, thank you!
Emma
@emsworld
Thank you for the lovely words ;-)
I have no eating disorders of any kind. My daughter and my GF have all kinds of them. GF is at a point where she can not eat much of anything. Quinoa, chicken (if it doesn't have any chemicals), a couple of veggies, and brown rice are it. I empathize with her, encourage her to listen to her doctors, comfort her when I can. I can't do much else. I really wish I could, but I can't make her not react badly to various food items. It is somewhat frustrating, my late wife couldn't eat a lot of common foods because she had a total colectomy, my daughter can't eat red meat, processed sugar, and a few other thing I can't think of right now. Why are all of the women close to me unable to eat regular food? It seems like a curse upon me, another curse.
@Offmytrack
I'm sorry you feel this way. It sounds like you have a lot of experience supporting ladies in your life with eating disorders. Because of experience, I suggest ruling out any physical problems that could be causing the food reactions first. If your loved ones are past that point and everything physical has been ruled out, then targeted therapy techniques for the eating disorders can be really beneficial. Don't forget about your needs too! Providing support for any type of condition can be draining if you're not taking care of yourself too, and it sounds like you are feeling burned out at the moment. Take some time every day to do something just for you. It doesn't have to be big or expensive. For me, it was to add an hour at night just for me to do something I like that recharges me. Sometimes, it's a cup of my favorite tea in my favorite chair. Other times, it might be meditation, which is great for resting your mind by the way. There are lots of free videos of guided meditations online to help you. Take care, and thank you for being a support giver for these wonderful ladies fighting a tough battle every day ;-)
Hey @Offmytrack
It's great to see you around on this post, I can understand that even though we may not directly suffer with eating disorders, they can still affect us dearly. Especially if our loved ones suffer, I am sorry to hear about how your girlfriend and daughter have both suffered with the awful disorder.
It sounds like you have quite the experience supporting your girlfriend through her eating disorder and its amazing that you can empathize with what she is going through. Listening to doctors is an excellent thing to be encouraging, we may not be ready for help but having that subtle support and reminder that those around us, as well as medical professionals, are here for us can really help progress things! I know that often it feels like we are kind of helpless, when we are watching those around us suffer from the disorder - we want to help so badly and take away their pain, but at the same time acknowledge there is only so much that we can do.
It sounds like you have quite a lot of built up emotions about how the women around you are unable to have normal eating habits around food, and although it seems you have been providing comfort and empathy to both your daughter and your girlfriend, it can often be difficult to deal with the emotion yourself! It is okay to feel upset, or frustrated by the behavior - it can be distressing to witness and try to support those suffering, so please don't hesitate to share your emotions
If you ever need anybody to talk to, than please remember we are always one message away!
Emma
@emsworld
Hey Emma, I know this is late but I wanted to thank you so much for all of your hardwork that you've put into organising EDAW. The posts you've created are so informative and have genuinely helped me and I have learnt so many new things about Eating Disorders that I didn't know before ❤️
I am very thankful that you've created this guide (@AveryLove - thank you also for this amazing idea!)
A close friend of mine is going through some hard times with ED and is experiencing a lot of negative thoughts, and I want to support them as much as I can with recovery. Your posts have really helped me learn a lot, and I'd definitely like to attend some of your discussions some time :)
Thank you!
Hey @peppermintlove
Thank you so much for reading the posts! I'm so glad that it has helped, and you have learnt something 
That was certainly my aim with these posts, as I know Eating Disorders can be super confusing, and often we feel helpless!
It's so amazing that you want to help support your friend throughout their recovery, having someone around us during that period of time can be super helpful and the fact you are trying to learn more and supporting them is amazing! People like you seriously make the difference Thank you!
Come join my discussions anytime 
I'd love to see you in there aha!
Emma
